[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Had a nice weekend with Deb last week. Went to the fireworks and did some ebay shopping.
Spent most of my week off puttering around. I bought a Coach purse online for my sisters birthday and the package was stolen from my front stoop. First time in 20 years! the company was vary fair and replaced the bag in time for my sisters b day suprise. My sister asked me if I won the lotto-haha-but I told her  spent my ebay money on her and she deserved something frivolious just for herself. ( The purse and wallet are Fusha Pink-A color she would never have bought ). She started crying and I gave her a big hug! That was nice to be able to do for her. If I was gambling she may have gotten a card or just a phone call. She said "I have the best sister" and I told her yes, you do! I would have drowned without her when I was gambling. She bailed my *ss out many times, even giving me money to buy Christmas the last year I was gambling. I’m the one who has the best sister, truth be told.
I spent this weekend with my ex sponser. I helped her get her ebay selling started and I went to Church with her. Glad lightening didn’t strike me dead!
I am pooped and go back to work tomorrow.
Happy Canada Day to my friends there.
The Blackhawks rule!!!
bettie

[bettie]

Better to donate to a good cause than a rich casino.
Are you getting any support besides GT?
Often our addiction tricks us into thinking we got this beat then BOOM!
Being a CG can be ******** but never cured.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
SO EXCITED about The Chicago Blackhawks!!! It was nice of Detroit/Windsor to host the largest fireworks in North America just for my Hawks-Debbie says it’s not true but don’t believe her!  hehehehehe! I saw the winning moment peeping through someones window as we walked back to Debbies from the river.
As for the Cardnals Larry- I root for 2 teams the Cards and whoever plays the Cubs! It’s a northside-southside thing. My Dad was from St Louis so No Cub fans in my home! I do make an exception for the White Sox-since I was raised as a southsider.
Thanks for the posts Cat, Rg, P! I will post more later. Off to physical therapy. Bad storms here. Electric has been out and my niece lost part of her roof-65mph winds!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Up early-the down side of summer. Cats up with the birds-I’m up with the cats.
Sad about the actor James Gandolfini. I always assume people with money can get the best health care and advice. I guess people are just people. Money or not we all have our deamons. RIP Tony Soprano.
I got my boss good yesterday. I "flipped the script" on him. I walked in the door, complemented his suit, and started the day on  the right foot. He asked me if I wanted to train to sell investment products. I told him yes, I am very interested as I can learn and do anything I set my mind to. Fake it till you make it I guess, I don’t know where that came from! I am terrified of "cold calling", something this job would require a lot of. I have decited to just face my fear and learn whatever it is they want to teach me. If nothing else it looks good on a resume.
We now have to check in 2x a day to update whatever we are working on. During my check in I told him I was caught off guard on Monday when we talked about the goals. In my opinion I believe I have done very well coming back of of my medical leave. I also told him to keep in mind I was being rated against people who had a 6 week head start. His response was well I had a reduced goal, to which I responded yes but my accounts haven’t been open long enough for me to get credit and that I will move up quite a bit when final credit is given. I told him I did my best and some things are just out of my control. (he knows this-but has to pretend he doesn’t)
All in all not a bad work day after all.
So excited about my Blackhawks! Hope Deb doesn’t mind watching the game Saturday night. I am going to visit her for a couple days this weekend. I have a bit to do before Saturday. I worked like a dog after work yesterday, trying to catch up on laundry and cleaning.
Need to get moving. I want to workout then I need to get to my physical therapy. Only 3 weeks left and I want to get the most out of it.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi guys,
I got a chuckle when I read the posts left! Yes Cat, I thought I was doing very well to catch up as well as I have. I know my numbers will go up when I get credit for what I have produced. Unfortunately I lost two more loans today-about $170 thousand-due to home values. It is what It is is. The most frustrating thing is I have done the work just not getting the credit.
Larry my call to HR concerns the extra work that I do with out credit for. I am the 3rd key holder-a job I never asked for and only agreed to do it on an emergency basis. I want to ask if I can give the key back. I did tell my boss that he has done nothing to help me since I came back-and believe me-if I do get a written warning- I will get my point across. Personall hates to see the words "Set up to fail", which is in fact what he has done to me.
I would not call about the "affair"-as I have no personal proof and prefer to stay out of that mess. His time will come. His wife called the branch looking for him today. I told her he was off today. She was a bit suprised.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Nice to see some old friends when I popped on tonight.
Today was just awful at work today. My boss had a "talk" with me today. Seems I was 36 of 36 bankers and now I am 32 of 36-unacceptable. Isn’t that a load of cr*p? The people I am stack ranked against have had ALL of the quarter to meet their goals-I have had 5 weeks! In one goal I would be at about 80% but I refered them to investment so I loose credit for that. I have taken 16 loans applications and have only had 1 approved loan. I gave opened 24 accounts and have only gotten credit for 8 so far. He has also decited to give himself every other tuesday off-so he can be off when his gf is off and now expects me to close every tuesday.
I am going to try to call HR tomorrow but I am afraid I am so upset all I will do is cry.
If I could have quit today I would. I also wanted to run my car into a tree when I went to lunch just so I wouldn’t have to go back to work. I haven’t felt this bad since my last gambling hangover.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi guys,
Well as always I kept myself too busy today. After 2 hour session of PT I picked up my niece to go thrift shopping. This is the one who has been in mental health care. She really opened up to me today. She told me about her mothers boyfriend force feeding her when she would not eat. ( She was always a picky eater so I do believe that happened ). she also said he molested her. That one hurt. She was very young then, maybe about 6-8 years old. Hind site being 20-20 I remember her acting odd when we were camping. Knowing now that she was sexualized it makes sense. I told her I was molested too, and in some ways I acted out like she did-but just the opposite way. She choses to throw up and I chose to eat-to build a wall of fat to protect me by keeping men away. Control, always about trying to control the uncontrollable. I shared some recovery tips about that and we talked about our mom’s. I told her I have come to accept that parents aren’t perfect and they do make mistakes. I accept she did the best she could do. The storys I could tell about my ex sister in law – well- she has issues, no doubt about that.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
No problem RG. Sometimes making it 10 minutes is a mighty victory.
I have booked off the last week in June. I need to plan something so I can fight the blues. I am looking foward to time off even if I am only back to work 5 weeks. At least I don’t have to be in awful pain-that is a plus for sure!
Went to orthopedic last night. He kept me waiting 1 1/2 hours. I told him if we had been on a date I would have thought I had been stood up! He said his wife says that all the time. Well at least she doesn’t have to pay him!
Watching the Hawks game and we are having some mighty storms moving through. My cat is under the bed and he is not coming out!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Rememberme,
Fortunate for me I do remember just how you feel right now.
You are not alone! Most of us have to have that gut retching feeling before we can help ourselves get help.
There is a live chat right now at http://www.sfcghub.com Safe Harbour.
This chat will open in a few minutes but it is not very active.
Talking to someone live will help.
bettie
 

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Hey Cat-Yes I am SUPER Excited about the Blackhawks! I try not to mention too much as I know some have a sports betting problem. I am greatful that I can enjoy the game and root for the home team without worring about a spread to beat.
I have gone to other meetings. It is funny how we are creatures of habit. I have yet to find one group I like better. As a matter of fact in two of the other meetings I have been to I have run into customers. Thats always been a concern for me. Funny how it never bothered me when i saw them at the casino!
Neva thats the 2nd unit in my building to go in forclosure. The other sold for $25 thousand. The guy rehabed it and is now stuck with it. He was not a smart investor-even when prices were better it has always been hard to sell these units. We are a converted apt complex and only have 1 assigned parking spot and no central air. The unit down stairs needs a cleanup but some paint and patch and you have a nice unit. I so wish I could buy it and let this one go. If I wasn’t a cg I could have done it-but then again if I wasn’t cg this place would be paid off instead of upside down-now 2x over!
I know I have friend here Carole. Thats been one of the Good things about being cg-meeting everyone here. But cyber friends – as real as you all are-can’t stop over and go for a drive. And this GD addiction takes a down mood and just runs with it. My brain tells me awful mean and self distructive things. It’s that addictive voice. When the fog clears I can see it-but when one of those moods hit it is frightening. I have been eating ALL DAY today-such a shame as I had been doing so well with my diet and workouts. Funny how I still run back to old comforts.
Thanks for being here for me!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thanks 7777777 and miss p. I am all me today thats for sure.
I have talked to a couple friends and that did help.
Did my grocery shopping and I think I am going to go and finally buy a couple plants for the balcony.
Oh and just another shot in the side-my "old" condo where my sister lived is selling as a forclosure for $29 thousand dollars. At one time my appraisal for this place was $126 thousand. I really should have walked away from this place and rented for a while when I filed bankrupcy. Hindsite is 20/20. I owe so much due to my refinancing and 2nd mortgage I took while gambling. 3 years later and I still suffer from the financial wreck I made.
No one’s fault but my own.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Well Carole my group hasn’t changed much. My ex sponser has a new person she is sponsering. I have never fit in the "click", I tried, I failed. Everyone is nice enough but I am not invited or included it the outside actitivities they do together. I did take my ex sponser to the movies-my treat-a couple weeks back. She was glad to go and I drove 30 miles to be near her home. I thought she might invite me back after the movie but she didn’t. I don’t know how the friendship thing works. I am always finding that I do all the giving and find people who do all the taking.
I have stuck my neck out and listed with a couple online dating site. I sometimes think I have someone interested but then it is over before it starts.
My daughter never invites me to come around when the Bf is there. I rarely see her except when she needs something.
My lady friend is in the nursing home. I rarely see her. She would enjoy the company however I find the place unbearable. I feel guilty that I don’t go see her-an unhealthy emotion that I just don’t need more of.
So yes I am down today. Tomorrow is a new day. No matter how much recovery time i have deep down I am still the same person I have always been. Yes take me as I am, what you see is what you get. No wonder people run from me like the plague.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Oh Cat, don’t do that to yourself. While it may seem like nothing at the time it plants the seed for when we are weak. It’s like going to an icecream shop 6 months into a strict diet-at month one i would be able to resist-at six months my brain says "you deserve a treat"  and before you know it I would gain back enough to wipe out 6 months of work.
I have been trying to work out more and eat better. Friday-Saturday I didn’t eat well as we had a BBQ at work and left overs on saturday. I didn’t go hog wild but finding that middle ground has always been an issue for me.
I want to gamble today-I have the time and already made excuses to my brother that I would be busy today. Well I am now planing some activities to stay busy. There is so much to do here is is overwhelming. It’s another lonely weekend-the few gf’s I have have bf’s so no time for the odd man out.
I need a life.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Fish,
CG means compulsive gambler.
Not only are we addicts we are lazy typers-lol!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Iluv,
Run, not walk, to the closest GA meeting you can get to! They have the resources to help you with your financial and legal issues. They can do a special workshop – pressure relief-just for you, help is there you only have to reach out.
It’s your addiction that tells you that you can’t stop. Guess what? It’s WRONG!
You just have to want recovery bad enough. You are WORTH IT!
bettie

[Author]

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