[bettie]

It would be really helpful if the open chat was easier to find. I only found it because someone posted (p?) to go to the (closed) helpline!
The few times I have been able to log in, sadly, I find no one there. When I was “new” the open chat was a life line. Not quite sure where I would be now if the people were not there to help me. I used to hang out there looking for new bees too. A little step 12 as it were.

[bettie]

Got a $15 bid on your book Deb!
Glad you were in last week because we are freezing this week. Maybe snow-just a touch. Guess I am ready as ever.
I thought I was managing the new med ok, that was until 3am when i woke with insulin reaction. Not a bad one but enough to scare the crap out of me. I hate that I just don’t know what to do. It will come with time but scary none the less.
Got a text today from a gf. She’s the one who lost her namesake niece last year to sucide. The mom of the girl, her sister, died yesterday am from natural causes. She was 55. So So Sad!
bettie

[bettie]

Talk about procrastnation! I should be running around here cleaning and getting the ham in the oven!
Back to work tomorrow. Need to get to a store today and get some lunch stuff.
Either the cats or back and neck pain wake me up every day. The medical stuff is just overwhelming at this point. Staying organized is not my strong point but I have to get it together. I am taking the short lasting insulin for now, waiting for the pump to come then getting training on how to use it. It makes me nausious but I guess that will pass.
The play was interesting and fun. I didn’t know Julia Childs life history or that it took 10 years to get her first cookbook out. I do prefer musicals when I go to a stage play so next time it will be one of those.
bettie

[bettie]

I think thats one of the hardest things about recovery-waiting for the good things. I know in my case I just assumed that when I came into recovery that my life would somehow just be better on all fronts. It was that unrealistic expection that lead to my “slip” after 16 months. I believe that was building up for a long time-I kept waiting for this “better” life and while somethings did improve it just wasn’t what I had expected.
I think I have readjusted my thinking over the last 18 months-I no longer wait for my night in shining armour to rescue me and am a bit more greatful for the little things. I’m not saying this is you-my gosh you have been though major change for sure-but Rome wasn’t built in a day. Try not to get discouraged that things are’t going according to schedule. God has His own schedule and timeline for us somehow. We just have to be patient until it all falls into place. Just remember gambling only adds to the complications and solves nothing.
bettie

[bettie]

Female G, Collin need to go on that list too!!

[bettie]

Nice to see your post Vera and Cat!
Sorry Ell, my phone froze on the chat and now I am on my friends PC but you are gone!
I did see the diabetic nurse yesterday and got some good info.
I called the insurance yesterday and the pump cost-hold on to your hats-$5800 usd! I would be covered 100% as I have met all my out of pocket expenses for this year. The machine has suppiles that of course are not reusable and cost about $600 every 3 months. After I hit my deductable ($250) in January I will have to pay about $60 of that. The insulin wil cost me aout $250 every 3 months so no break there.
I spent the night at my friends place and we will goof around today. Tomorrow I am making a ham and having my brother over for the Bears game ( Hey deb-da bears!). I was trying to teach Deb to talk like a chicagoian when she was here! LOL!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Larry,
Thanks for your post to my thread. It was very thoughtful as always.
I have had a week to wrap my head around my newest medical development. I am not happy about it but I accept that this will be my new “normal” and I will adapt.
Congrats on your new 1 year. My group just kind of dismisses you once you “fail”. No one has asked if I made a new 1 year, my group doesn’t start out with stating LDG. I have never been to a group that does that. Maybe that keeps people honest stating LDG? Not sure but I guess each group runs a bit different.
I would love to catch up again some time.
bettie

[bettie]

Whatever “normal” is.
Deb is home safe and sound. It is quite here now. The kitties looked for her at first and now they are sleeping somewhere. She told me she was glad she was CG or she would have never met me. The same it true for me too. It’s that “gift of recovery” that we sometimes forget about. I am more fortunate than some as I have had the honor and privledge of meeting “Jules to my friends”, Carole, “Reds”, Larry, Deb, Cat – not to mention holiday cards from Kathryn and weekly calls to my sanity keeper Laura. I am also so greatful to have found Vera, Rg, Lizbeth, Sherry, “Neva” and the lovely miss P-the perpectual cheerleader for all of us! Like Larry I don’t want to slight anyone and I know that I have missed quite a few of you so feel free to post and tell me that I didn’t mention you. Maybe we can figure out a time when we can all jump on the open chat and catch up. That is something I miss, the open chat. When I was new I would pop on as soon as i got home in the hope of seeing an old friend ( Cully21, Salina, Kin, Vtc just to name a few ). All players in the game, all support to me when I got here. All essential in my recovery. What you have taught me I shared with the next guy-and you all made me look smart! lol!
Guess with this set up Larrys post to me is up where I posted last week-and it seems I missed RG’s post from last week too!
I will figure this out but I guess if you reply to a certain post thats where the reply will go so go to the last post!
I did call the insurance and there is one insulin pump they will pay for. I think I will just go for it. The new insulin is “non propritory” and the insurance will only pay a small portion so thats out of the question. I just can’t pay for it. The up side is that with the pump I will not have to test my sugar 4 -6 times a day ( the strips cost $1 each-AFTER insurance ) and the insulin lasts for at least 3 days so one stick vs 16 injections and 12-18 sugar tests.
There is an upside even though I hate the whole idea.
It sure is quite here at home tonight.
bettie

[bettie]

Having a lovely visit with Deb. We shopped till we droped yesterday! At at the Cheesecake Factory yesterday, will do deep dish pizza tonight before we go see a Broadway show about Julia Child called “To Master the Art”. Deb loves to cook so I thought she would enjoy this one. I don’t go downtown much so this will be an adventure.
Wish you all were here!
bettie

[bettie]

Well much better today, thanks for asking p and Carole.
It is hard when you have a a cronic medical condition. Diabetes is progressive in nature. There is no cure. The better you mannage the longer you delay other diseases and side affects. My dad died at 68 from heart disease but also had many complications from being diabetic. Cronic nerve pain in his back and feet made him retire at 63. He had a heart bypass at 58 and should have retired then but my mother said his disability payments would not be enough to live on. As it was she was crying when he took early retirement stating “she was used to being taken care of better than this!” I told her maybe it was time she worked for a while ( she was 59 ).
I am seriously thinking about contacting the insurance and just starting on the insulin pump. I am not sure what they will pay and I know it cost about $1000 a month.
I have Debbie in the guest room sleeping. She had a long trip and of course downtown was packed with people from the marithon but we stopped for a bite and now she is resting. The weather is beautiful and camping was really nice. Wish I had planned better but thats life-10 things to do or nothing to do.
Trying to pick up a bit without waking Deb.
Work is still strange. With a new assistant trying to make her way and a new manager it is like having strangers in the house. So far so good but this manager “talks the sales talk” which I find so phony it makes me a bit crazy. He has now stated a 2nd time that he should buy me “Rosetta Stone” so I can speak spanish. ( That a language learning program) The next time I am going to tell him when I move to Mexico I will welcome that as a gift! Sorry but I would not move to a foreign country and expect them to speak english. I find his remark raicist but I am trying not to get off on the wrong foot with him so so far I have smiled and laughed it off.
Looking foward to my week off!
bettie

[bettie]

I see you posted so I hope you read this.
I will be camping overnight tonight and won’t be around in the morning tomorrow.
Trying to get myself together this norning-lots to do before I leave for work.
Take care!
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thanks for your concern and thoughtful posts. My dr is insisting that I seek conselling. I told him I would add it to my list of things I keep putting off. I will go to my meeting tonight and that will help me blow off steam. I did talk to my sister, she is diabeic also, and knows how that feeling of failure. I guess that is normal. Like being a CG this is a progressive disease. I’ve had it since 2000 and I guess my pancreas is just not working at all anymore.
Well off to work for me.
Thanks again!
bettie

[bettie]

Well I went to my doctor today for a followup from my blood work. Needless to say not good, not good at all. My a1c ( a measure of blood sugar management ) is up another point in 3 months. 9.1 now, the highest that it has ever been in the last 13 years. To say I am discusted with myself is an understatement. He is insisting that I start taking short lasting insulin-which means 4 shots a day or go on an insulin pump. I dodged this bullit before but I just don’t have it in me anymore. I am tired of fighting only to end up a failure yet again. I feel like I have a giant “L” stamped on the middle of my forehead for the world to see. Funny how I had a gambling urge as soon as I got in the car. Funny how your mind wanders back to the familiar. Funny how I wished I was dead so I wouldn’t have to deal with this. Thats the upside of death, that this world and all its trouble are gone. I think of the family and friends that I have lost in the last few years and while I miss them more than words can say I am glad that they no longer struggle and suffer the pain found in this life. I guess I am a bit depressed but no worries. I’ll shake this off and make a new plan tomorrow. Today I’m just gonna feel sorry for myself and be done with it.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thanks for your posts.
Cat of all things I just found out that Sunday is the Chicago marithon and I will be picking Deb up in the middle of it! It will be an adventure as I am not sure what streets may be shut down. I am sure I will get her here safe and sound. I might employ help from Jen and go on the train. I did get 1/2 price tickets for a show Downtown on Tuesday so that will be fun.
Glad to see you up and posting miss p-what ever it takes you know?
I get that “scared” of the 1 year Cat. It’s like we build our selves up then it’s like now what? Now’s a good time to raise the barriers-when we have little temptation and our head it not in the “I deserve a reward” stage.
Gotta run-I have to open today!
take care
bettie

[bettie]

They call Alzimers the “long goodbye”. It is a sad disease no doubt about that. I think when faced with a serious illiness every family has a different way of dealing with it. Some are totally involved, some are in total denial, and some try to ignore it so maybe it will go away. I remember when my brother first got sick, before we knew he had cancer. My sister (who is a loving and caring person) made the statement that she was glad my brother had relocated near my mom because so she didn’t have to deal with it. I looked at her and said I sure didn’t feel that way-I wished he was closer so I could be of more help. She said “well thanks alot-now I feel like a total *ss!”
I know she regrets that statement and of course hind sight is 20/20. This kind of stuff is a family disease. No one will ever be the same. It will bring out the worst and the best of everyone involved. Be kind to yourself Kathryn. You feel how you feel and there is no shame in that.
bettie

[Author]

Posts