[bettie]

Well I did get into the ortho today. Looks like I no longer have a bicept-I have 1/2 – cept. It tore from the top near the shoulder and is now rolled into a ball of sorts. They call is “Popeye Syndrome”-no joke and no repair is needed. it should stop hurting in about 6-8 weeks and I will be left with a bit of a deformatity. As the Dr said, um not to be insulting, but since you have rather large arms it won’t be so noticable.
Good thing I am big and fat.
bettie

[bettie]

Thats for sure V but this is yet another gambling related issue coming back to bite me in the backside.
Without a job I would be on the streets and quick. No savings, no retirement money to speak of-because I gambeled it away. It takes years to get social security disability. I just don’t know what would become of me. ( and even if I did I would only get $1300 a month-barely enough to pay my 2 mortgages-and not near enough to even buy food )
I did call the ortho after hours and I left a message. He is super busy-not sure how quickly he will see me.
The pain is not too bad liz-I just have to watch how I turn my arm and not lift with the right side. The left is still weak so I am freaking out a bit. Guess it was good that I got that fixed or frankly I would be in big trouble right now.
God is good!
bettie

[bettie]

Hey Carole you asked me about work. The new boss is OK-but like all salesmen he puts sales before customers needs. I find this frustrating as I have had 2 ocassions to “clean up” his mess-and the funny part being I don’t see what the heck he gained. I am trying to go with the flow as it were. I have to watch my p’s and q’s around the new assistant. It seems to me that she is also intimadated by me even though I told her day 1 that i have no interest in her job.
This still beats all the drama with the old boss for sure. I had to do my year end review and had to look at all the unkind negative remarks my old boss has written about me. It did not make my day!
I am glad to see you setteling in with your new job. I believe you are getting much more than a paycheck-you sound like a new person-and I admire that too!
bettie

[bettie]

They say at my meeting that we are as sick as our secrets. As much as I try I still have not told my wonderful brother about my addiction or my recovery. I would be mortified if he knew about my thread and knew my secrets posted there.
I get it, I really do!
I love love love my kitties! They are the one thing that I can —– on-they love unconditionally.
Just another thing to be thankful for.
bettie

[bettie]

Ok I am sure at this point you may think I am just making it up but I swear to God it is true!
I saw the chropratic today. My bicep is brused-I could not see it. He palapated my arm he can confirm I have at least a small tear in my bicep. He told me to call my orthopedic and get his opinion. He said if I was going to have it repaired it would need to be soon as it will feel better but I will have limited lifting ability going foward. I am curious as to what the ortho will want to do. While I still have 3 months full paid sick leave I do not have family leave of absence until next May. ( You get 12 weeks in a “rolling” year.) What that means is if I am off I have no guarentee of a job when I return. I have cost the company a ton of money this year with my surgery. I can see where they would want to get rid of me.
I am feeling really depressed about this-oh, and my arm hurts!
bettie

[bettie]

it pours for sure!
Got to give my cat Tiger some credit here. He has woke me twice this week and both times I was having a low sugar (insulin) reaction. Today he was most insistant , purring, poking and licking my face. Sure enough he was not letting me go back to sleep. I got up and started shaking right away. I took a reading and I was dangerously low. I do believe he can sense when I am in trouble which is a good thing.
I am still quite frustrated with trying to manage this new insulin. I finally got in tough with someone from the supplier for the insulin pump and insurance has said they won’t pay for it. I got a phone number for the Dr to call to appeal. I know they don’t want to pay because I have met my deductuable and if they stall long enough I will have to pay $1250 out of pocket. Well if thats the case it just won’t happen as I don’t have it to spend.
I pulled a musicle putting on a pair of tights Tuesday morning. My right bycept made a very loud “POP” and has hurt ever since. I do believe it is a pull and not a tear as it doesn’t feel too bad today and there is no bruse.
Like I said, when it rains it pours!
Ok, done venting – for now!
bettie

[bettie]

Sounds like Danny had a reality check and wasn’t happy about it.
Too bad, so sad!
Everyone needs a do over once in a while. You’ll do fine next time!
bettie

[bettie]

I thought I had the only mother that was envious of her children! I saw something on FB reciently. It was something to the effect that to” be careful what you say to your children, it becomes their inner voice later.” I responded to my friend that posted it that that finally explained what was wrong with me! I can’t remember my mother ever saying she was proud of me. She never told me I was pretty. The first time I remember her telling me she loved me was when I was 16 and in very bad condition after having my gall blatter and apendex removed.
In recovery I am learning to let that stuff go. She had an awful childhood where she went hungey and was insecure. I have to accept she did the best she could. It wasn’t that I wasn’t loveable, she just wasn’t capable of giving what she didn’t have.
My mom is an unhappy person and she gets kicks out of saying stuff to tick people off. A great example is watching the Bears game and they screw up. She wil say something like “Ha Ha HA! I KNEW they would loose!”
Looks like I ran away with your thread-sorry about that!
You’re doing great Liz! Don’t let her take your joy!
bettie

[bettie]

Wow Cat!
I had no doubt you could do it!
Congrats and plan to have this party again next year!
you go girl!
bettie

[bettie]

Oh Carole! I meant to tell you the cats rule the roost around here! I can’t lock them out as they beat on the door and cry if I do. That drives me more crazy than being woke up!
they are spoiled and i am a pushover!
bettie

[bettie]

Thanks for the posts Gals!
What a day! i think the moon must be full as every one is crazy.
The asst manager got on my nerves-I went to leave some paperwork for her on her back counter and she was with a customer. No big deal-or so I thought. She says, in front of the customer, What are you doing? I said I was trying to leave the paperwork for her as the manager had asked and I needed to put something in the binder. She made me feel so stupid! I didn’t interupt her or say anything, I just wanted to get the stuff to her. I finished what I had to do and left asap saying a sheepish “sorry” as I left. I thought what a *itch! OK, I should have waited, and I was going to address that with her and apologise. Before that could happen she went running to the manager who comes to me and has something to say. He said she said I was unprofessional and the customer was upset saying “who it that?” I couldn’t help it and I told him the customer didn’t say a word-and she blew it out of proportion. I also said i found it unprofessional on her part talking to me like a kid in front of a customer-and this wasn’t the first time either.
Long story short he was diplomatic about it. Me, I did my best not to cry because I was 2 seconds from it.
I did my best to steer clear of her as I didn’t want to say something I would regret.
After lunch she had to come to me. If was rather funny as she was very meek amd mild because she had to open a retirement account and of course she doesn’t know how. I was cool- I said sure no problem I can help you. i was more than nice to her and the rest of the day went smoothly.
He who laughs last right?
My brother called-he is downstate helping my oldest brother put in kitchen cabinets. His work called him back ( Thank You Jesus!) but of course he was out of town. He is coming home tomorrow but twisted his ankle today!
It’s just been one of those days!
bettie

[bettie]

Thanks for the post Vera. I know I have not posted much lately. I am still reading and trying to keep up but don’t feel like I have much to say.
My brother called yesterday and he is layed off again. He is very depressed. Took him 4 days to tell me and he is concerned about telling his daughter. She is the one dealing with mental illiness. She went back to school in the fall and is barely holding her own. I told him to be “care free” about the layoff as she will react to how he is feeling more than the fact that he is out of work right now.
Life is complicated sometimes. I think we make things worse dweling on what we can’t control vs what we can do to be proactive. I am in that spot too right now. My physical therapy has still not been paid by the insurance and they are sending me letters. I did leave them a voice mail but have not gotten a call back. I need to address this but I get tyed in a knot just thinking about it.
I am still waiting for my insulin pump. I will have to see an educator to learn to use it. I need to see my eye doctor and lung doctor. i need a cat scan on my lungs which I have put off for about 2 years! I will make that call today-even if I don’t get anything else done.
I was ill most of yesterday. I had insulin reaction-again-at 3am and didn’t sleep well Wednesday night. I feel better today which is good since I work until 6pm then off to my meeting.
I wish I could retire. I am so tired!
bettie

[bettie]

Hey thats great! Having something to do is a biggie in the fight for “staying clean”!
A purpose is a wonderful thing!
bettie

[bettie]

I did a test chat with Deb last week. I signed in and so did she. I kept getting error messages but Deb could “see” me. I use AOL so I signed in with internet explorer. As soon as I was able to see GT a pop up for online casinos came up. Deb was on the phone-laughing and yelling at me “what the heck are you doing??” Every time I tried to close it a new pop up started again. After closing that window a new one would start. After about 6 tries I was finaly able to close it for good and get on the chat. I thought maybe a one time error but I have tried again with the same result.
I hope that only happens to me and not an online gambler looking for help.
bettie

[bettie]

Carole I wish I could say something to make things better for you but I can’t. Sometimes we can give good advice to others yet can’t seem to help ourselves. I would have to ask where did you get access to all the money you lost? What kind of barriers have you set up now that you are on your own?
What kind of help are you getting for yourself? We try “our way” time and time again only to prove our way sucks! It’s time for something else Carole I know you were bored with GA and reading the yellow book at the meetings. It was more than a year before I stopped READING the yellow book and started LISTENING to what it really says. We compulsive gamblers make it very hard when in reality it is very simple. Follow page 17 and keep an open mind. The program will work for ANYONE who workes it.
I believe Compulsive Gambling is an expression of the burden we carry. It’s our revenge for all the injustice we feel in life. The sad reality is it’s more like taking poison and expecting the other guy to die! It just doesn’t work that way.
Love you Carole!
bettie

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