[bettie]

Hi guys and thanks for the holiday wishes.
Off to my brothers and cooking a bit tomorrow.
Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New year!
bettie

[bettie]

Hey Cat good to hear from you.
I have had a busy day. I had thawed the 2nd half of my Turkey, roasted the breast and boiled the leg back and wing for soup. My brother dropped my niece off at her mom’s as she leaves tomorrow for treatment . She will be away at least 6 weeks. My brother asked her mom to put up her credit card as he has to front $7000 in cash. That b*tch ranted and raved at him! She assumes no financial responsibility for this girl. She even threw my brother out of her house ( the house HE paid for!) Funny how she has the money for a new truck, a compleate remodel on the house but hasn’t a penny for her child. My brother lives like a hermit saving every penny he can-only to spend it on medical for his kid. Sometimes there is little fairness in life. My problems pale in comparison.
bettie

[bettie]

Always good to hear from old friends!
I did skip the party last Thursday. I called my GF and she was not up to it either. The weather has been bad-cold then snow and now cold again. The “foo foo” Christmas party is next Saturday and while it is THE social event of the season in the little town I work in-if there are still such things-it is out of my “norm” but I do enjoy it. The home has been restored to it’s vintage splendor and is quite a site to see. I have heard this will most likely be the last on as one of the owners has cancer and he is not doing very well. Friends came over and did the decorations this year-they have at least 6 different themed Christmas trees-and there is a ton of food and drinks. I don’t know if the partner will go on after the other passes away. I hope he does as it really is something to see.
P I have not gotten the insulin pump and have checked with my Dr office to see how the appeal went. I have gotten no where. I do believe it will get approved but after the New Year. At that point I will not be able to get it as my deductable is over $1500 dollars and I just can’t afford it. I know this is the real motovation for the insurance stalling. They don’t want to pay the full amount. I have been trying to get this thing since October as my surgery cost me my deductable maximum.
I did put up my small Tree. I just found it too depressing not having one.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys, thanks for the concern Carole. I have intended to post a few times but just haven’t got around to it. I seem to be in super procrastnation mode.
I did have a lovely quick trip to see Deb-just a little boost that I needed. We went to a Jr Hockey game. I don’t know what I liked more-the running comments from the hockey parents or the kid’s coach getting tossed in the first period! The poor kids are quite the rag-tag team-but they played with a lot of heart and I really enjoyed it.
The weather has turned for the worst here. it’s 5f right now-about -14c. It was fairly warm (58f) just 2 weeks ago when I drove to Debs.
I am just exausted these days. I haven’t even put up a tree and if I don’t do it soon, like today, it’s not going to happen. I used to decorate the balcony and light up the windows. I have a storage full of Christmas stuff but with so little upper body strength I just couldn’t stand the thought of lugging stuff from the basement to my 3rd floor unit. My brother offered to help but this place is a mess and I just keep thinking I will get this or that done and I can at least put up a small tree. I even bought one and when I took it out of the package one of the branches was missng! Maybe thats karma-who knows?
Well I do need to get moving if I have any hope of getting anything done. The chamber of commerce annual Christmas Party is tonight and my old boss is expecting me to go with her. I have a chropractor appt and need to do laundry if I have any hopes of doing anything today.
bettie

[bettie]

So glad to see you posting!
I think of you often-you were one of those vital to me in my start of recovery.
Thank you Kin!
bettie

[bettie]

Well it is nice to see your post Ican! I did have a nice Thanksgiving-to a point. Long story short Someone – who shall remain nameless-was totally ignorant and made a downright cruel statement to me- to which I I responded by standing up and walking away-a first for me! No more blaming myself for other peoples issues-it’s time for me to stand up for me.
So I hopped in the car today and drove to Debbie’s-managed to get here without loosing a tire so that’s progress too!
I have a couple days off so nothing better than seeing a good friend.
bettie

[bettie]

I loved your post to me about surrender p!
I was just reading something in my chropractors office. It was an artical saying that people aren’t “addicted” to things like drugs, that things like that weren’t a disease, and that we should never surrender because we are strong and we can fight. I thought well it’s clear to me that that person is one of those that just don’t get it. Even in war there comes a time when you just have to throw up the white flag, surrender, regroup, and try something new. Why would we keep fighting a loosing battle? I guess thats human nature. But you and I know better. Surrender for an addict is admiting that the disease is killing us, and we are ready for something better.
bettie

[bettie]

HI Guys,
Hey Carole I thought I had mentioned that my brother got called back after about a week. He had gone to see my other brother downstate and they called him on that Monday. He couldn’t get back until that Thursday. On that Tuesday he sprained his ankle-very badly-and had to go back to work that way. He has since found out that the reason he got layed off in the first place is that he had taken a vacation day on Halloween and didn’t attent their stupid Halloween party! Talk about spiteful! His daughter went into crisis mode in that same week. She has decited ( after he told her there is no money for it) that she is leaving school and wants to go back to North Carolina for treatment. They charge $200 a day for room and board that insurance doesn’t pay for. Last time it cost him over $10 grand. I have asked him repeatly to go to family consueling and learn how to deal with this girl as he is afraid she is going to kill herself if he denighs her anything. Can you say co-dependant? I think it runs in the family.
My Brother in law has been denighed social security disability. They say he can work “light duty”. Really? He’s a mechanic. If you know anyone hiring 400 pound diabetics who can’t stand for extended hours and are exausted after an hour or so let me know. They do has a SS disability lawyer hired-he will get 1/3 of any “back pay” – so I believe they drag their feet so they get more money too!
As for Mom’s hair I haven’t returned to doing it. I could manage a hair cut but I am afraid with the bulged discs in my neck and the resulting pain plus the arm pain with the torn bicept prevents me from leaning over the sink to wash and rinse her hair in order to give her a perm.
Christmas eve is always at my brothers and we usually go to my ex husbands on Christmas day. He called me last week to say he is broke and won’t be having it this year. I offered to cook at my daughters as my place is just not big enough for more than about 6 people so we will see.
The roast beef is something my girlfriend told me about. The chili sauce and the colas make a thin BBQ sauce. The meat comes out fork tender! I also add baby carrots and you could add some potato chunks too. Ya gotta try it-I was suprised just how good it is.
Well off to work then Chropratic appointment.
Have a good day everyone!

[bettie]

I am glad to see your posts-I am trying to post a bit more myself as I have forgotten how nice is is to give and receive. When I first found GT I couldn’t wait to sign in as soon as i got home and do two things. One was to see if I had a response and some good advice. The second was to keep connected and fend off gambling thoughts and urges. i am fortunate that the site was there as I feel it was Godsent to me. I am not sure that I would be gamblefree today if not for GT and then GA.
I made a roast beef today and had my brother over to watch the Bears get their butts kicked today. The roast is so simple. I bottle Chili sauce ( it is like spicy catchup) 8oz and 1 can of Coke-I use diet. Thats it-cook till it falls apart-about 2 hours for a 2 pound roast. I had also cooked up my brothers pumpkin and I made my first lowfat sugar free pie. My brother said he would not have know it was “lite” if I had not told him.
There is just something about fresh real food!
I have done well this weekend with my auction sale. 4 items sold today and they are already paid for so I need to get those packed up and ready to go.
bettie

[bettie]

Well I guess I was more tired than I thought this morning! I read Cat then wrote Carole! Well Cat please do not be mad at me! I love you both!
Carole I have worked in such a hellish envroment for so long I don’t really know what it is like to have a manager who “manages” instead of hiding in the back room reading the news paper.
It is cold 17f here right now. My body aches all over so I took a pain pill and i will be off to sleep soon.
I offered to chair my meeting for the month of December. I have not chaired since before my Jan 1st 2012 “slip”. I don’t know what came over me at the meeting. I guess it’s just my turn. We had a guest at our meeting who asked if we were proud of ourselves for going to GA. I responded while I did’t feel pride I did feel less ashamed of myself. I guess I am still feeling more self loathing than I thought. Sometimes I think I feel good in my own skin and then there are the others times. When do we stop feeling “less than”?
bettie

[bettie]

Carole thanks for the good advice. I am trying to be good and not let fear dictate my fate.
I do have to laugh at the new site. While it doesn’t censor the “F” word you can’t type the word c o u n t . Even if it is part of another word!
Well you could —– on me to find that error!
lol!
bettie

[bettie]

It’s one of those “when life sends you lemons” moments.
It’s funny that the left are hurts worse than the right one with the torn bicept. I need to do some PT but as always fear keeps me frozen. My brain says “whats next?”. I am timid about wearing heels, walk more slowly. I am afraid of taking a fall.
Is this old age? It really bites!
On another note my new boss gave me an account yesterday, a big one. Seems he likes his bankers to make their goals! Our branch is trending at 160% of our goals-my ex bosses is at 76%. I am inspired to try harder – what a difference!
bettie

[bettie]

Thats what you are Cat!
I am proud to know you!
bettie

[bettie]

I couldn’t agree more our Sweet P!
Life really throws it at us sometimes. Our job is just to keep putting our feet on the ground and keep moving.
Take Care
bettie

[bettie]

Commitment

As we walk through life, there are many things and people we may lose, or lose out on, if we are unwilling to commit. We need to make a commitment for relationships to grow beyond the dating stage, to have the home or apartment we want, the job we want, or the car we desire.

We must commit, on deep levels, to careers – to goals – to family, friends, and recovery. Trying something will not enable us to succeed. Committing ourselves will. Yet, we need never commit before we are ready.

Sometimes, our fear of commitment is telling us something. We may not want to commit to a particular relationship, purchase, or career. Other times, it is a matter of our fears working their way out. Wait, then. Wait until the issue becomes clear.

Trust yourself. Ask your Higher Power to remove your fear of commitment. Ask God to remove your blocks to commitment. Ask God for guidance.

We need to be able to commit, but we need never commit until we are ready.

God, guide me in making my commitments. Give me the courage to make those that are right for me, the wisdom to not commit to that which does not feel right, and the patience to wait until I know.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

[Author]

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