[bettie]

Well Liz I can relate. I think our mom’s are sisters as no matter the issue I try to explain to her she has a need to one up me-even if she has to make the story up! We had my neices birthday last Sunday and my brothers friend came over. The poor guy-she just went on and on about nothing, dominating the conversation until the poor guy left! It’s a shame that I avoid spending any time with her-I just can’t take it. God commands we love one another-He didn’t say anything about liking them!
bettie

[bettie]

When I look back Liz I believe that my brother that passed in 2002 was also a cg. It didn’t strike me at the time but his daily lottery play came before food and rent-as a matter of fact he lost his trailer mone because he didn’t pay his lot rent on time. I had him, his wife and both girls living with me for a couple months until my folks bailed him out and he moved near them. Life is funny as I never made that connection that lottery players can be cg too.
My daughter still plays Bingo and scratch off tickets. She does it behind my back as I have confronted her about it after finding all those scratchoffs when she moved from her apartment.
Makes me wonder…..
bettie

[bettie]

Yes I am feeling a bit better. I went to work and got a talk about this quaters goals. I had to laugh as I am way behind with only 12 working days left. I will get what I get and thats it, its in Gods hands.
Oh, my boss got my cold. He said it was my fault and I told him no it was his-as he could have sent me home early Tuesday.
He who laughs last…..
bettie

[bettie]

Thanks for your post on my thread. I did go to the doctor and I have an upper respitory infection. I do feel better today and I will go to work even though I don’t feel like going. I just turned on the Hawks game and am going to sit back the rest of the evening.
bettie

[bettie]

Thanks Cat. I do feel better but still have quite a headache and feel exausted. It may be a sinus thing so I will give the doctor a call and see what he says.
I bought some sugar free blueberry muffins-nice treat with my coffee.
I wish the cleaning fairy would stop by-I am just not up for cleaning!
bettie

[bettie]

Well I was off today because I called in. I have been trying to get a cold of some sort for weeks. Last Wednesday I had no voice, Thursday it was back. Friday I had a sore throte and ear ache, Saturday that was gone. Sunday I started feeling doggy, coughing and sneezing Monday and yesterday my nose and left eye started running! I called my boss today and he was like “well you have 2 days to get better”. I guess he feels I am putting on but no one at work wants me near them and who could blame them? My head is very congested and I had taken some cold meds. No body aches and I don’t think it’s the flu as I had my shot in October. If I am not better tomorrow I will call my doctor. I did go out around noon to pick up my insulin and get some food as I had nothing here that I had a taste for. This is the disadvantage of living alone-you have to fend for yourself.
Carole I would love a little trip to Deb’s but it snows every few days! I am so over winter! My b-day is the 20th, first day of spring. Jen is off the 19th and has a day planned for us. I still haven’t got over my missed suprise 50th birthday party. Silly and child like on my part but it feeds into my needyness I guess.
Time for another nap.
bettie

[bettie]

I went looking for lees group but couldn’t find it. Oh well, take care.
bettie

[bettie]

It’s great that you were able to close on the condo. Nothing is selling around here I can tell you.
I feel like your grandson-I am really ready for sleep!
bettie

[bettie]

What a busy hectic week. I am discharged from the pump support nurse. My 6 weeks is up and I am told I will do just fine. I had a crisis at work Monday-seems I had an issue with my site where the tubing connects to my skin. When my blood sugar hit 400 at 10am I told them I’m having a little crisis and I am headed home or to the emergency room if I don’t if I don’t get this figured out quick. I am now well prepaired and carrying emergency supplies and extra insulin 24/7. I am not happy that things are not going smoothly but each issue is a learning experence and I will do better next time.
I got my payout Friday and bought lunch for the branch. Thats something I would have never been able to do in the past,
I am taking a week off of work for my birthday. Not sure that I will be doing much of anything but I need some time off. I am just exausted and with the merger looming I find the unknown is stressful and everyone at work is moody. I had to stand up for myself at work as my assistant manager scheduled me for a call night Monday. I told then due to my ongoing issues with the pump that I really think it would be better if I was not eating later and that anytime-not just Monday-that I was asked to stay later than 5:15 pm was an exception to my accomodation. She started in on how that was unfair to my coworker as he has to stay and I cut her off. I told her I am sorry but that is not my concern-my concern is my health and that the only reason that I should be scheduled after 5:15 pm was if it was an undue burden and the job could not be done without me. She said she would talk to the manager. I offered that we could call the Employee advocate if we needed clarification. She came back to me and told me I could come in my regular time on Monday.
Why does that still make me feel uncomfortable? I dreaded even aproaching the subject and even though I won this round I still feel bad. I don’t get it.
Well I am tired and its off to bed for me!
bettie

[bettie]

Thanks for the replies everyone! What a difference a few years make.
I am typing on my brand new PC-something I could not have dreamed of a few years back. Paid in cash-tax refund. In years past it would have went right to a casino. I got my payout from work too-as much as they tried to disqualify my accounts at the last minute the system rounded up my payout-I made it by .02%! God is Good! Mind you they took almost half in taxes but hey, it’s all good! More money to catch up on bills-no money to waste in a casino slot trash can!
bettie

[bettie]

My how time flys when you are in recovery!
Since the time I started on GT to today I think I may have gambled 10 times-and now not since Sept 9th 2012.
Like everyone I have had my highs and lows but I take it ODAAT.
Thanks to all my family and friends here at GT. I couldn’t have done it without you!
bettie

Today is my first day here. I was really suprised that so many people feel like they want to die after binge gambling. I am just shocked, I thought it was just me!
Of all the things in my life I must say I’ve never felt lower than I do right now. I am being threatned with forclusure and I haven’t been ontime with a bill in months.
I have loved to gamble since I was a child. Pitching pennies was the start for me. I went to Atlantic City when I was 19, I looked older, and I spent the whole day on $50 bucks, food included. What a blast!
I played video poker in the bars at 21. It’s not legal but if you are known at the bar all you did was ask the bartender if they “paid out”. They took a note of your score on a little pad of paper, shut the machine off, then paid you out.
Now you might get the impression that I have gambled all my life. The occasional lotto ticket was the majority of my gambling. I made my first trip to Vegas 16 years ago when my sister paid for the trip. She got married and needed a sitter for her daughter. I got to play “Real” machines and loved it!
This went on for a few years, the annual trip, 100.00 a day budget. Controlled, fun, hoping for a big win. About 16 years ago the “boats” open in Indiana. I had offers to go but declined. I knew I didn’t have the money to spend and somehow I knew I liked it too much. This changed about 5 years ago when a group of work friends were going and invited me along. I was hooked! It started with going 1-2 times weekly after that. I started racking up debt but refinanced my home, took a home equity loan, and built a great credit record. Credit card companys gave me ten – twenty thousand dollar limits and cash advance checks with no interest for a year. I would gamble, get crazy, then cover it with a check.
I think the real problem gambling started about 4 years ago. I won ten thousand dollars. Like every other gambler I was going to do great things with it. It lasted about a month. I paid some debt, gave some to my daughter, and blew the rest. In the last 4 years I got about eighty thousand dollars in debt, all credit cards. You would have thought they would have cut me off. I knew just how to move that debt so it was building my credit up.
I find that I barely make enough to pay just the basics. I was living on those credit cards. I started working a second job but I don’t have any money for food and gas this week.I spend money that I need to pay bills. My daughter has been helping me out, not realizing she’s been supporting my habit. I lie, sneek around, avoid family and the few friends I have in order to gamble. I know I have to quit, I have never tried before. I keep thinking I can go back to the yearly trip to Vegas but I know that’s folly. I don’t want to ban myself because I want my free hotel rooms and steak dinners. I know this is false, they have never given me a thing, I paid for it all and then some! This is the start of my journey. I don’t want to EVER feel this way again. I am ashamed and just want to hide from it all. I planned to try a meeting today. I am making excuses and won’t make myself go. Maybe Thursday, I only work 1/2 a day. Thats a trigger time for me. I won’t gamble today. Tomorrow I work both jobs and won’t have the desire then either. Wednesday is a problem. You all sound like friends. I hope to be in your good company too. Thanks for reading my book!

[bettie]

Hey thought I might post a little catch up as I have a late start today.
Still plugging along with the insulin pump. The nurse had me change some settings and my numbers have been all over the place. I sent her electronic log and hope to hear from her today.
Work is just work. They have managed to disqualify just enough of my sales to drop me .08% below 175%-which means my payout is cut almost in half. The boss is trying to get an exception made and reinstate some credit but it is what it is. This quarter is not going well. I am way behind-and the weather has not helped. My cobanker has been fortunate to have latched on to some good loans that walked through the door-which in the end makes me look bad. I have also had 2 weeks of vacation bumped due to a blackout by the new bank for training for conversion. To top things off we won some contest at work and they changed from going out after work Saturday to Friday without asking me. When it was first planned I told them it was not possible for me to eat dinner after 8pm which is why it was planned for Saturday. Somehow no one seemed to remember that when they changed it. The boss asked me if I could just come and have drinks. Really? Well maybe if I wanted to risk dying in my sleep I could give it a go but I guess I will pass. I am feeling very left out. It is very depressing getting adjusted to my “new normal”. Frankly I feel very unnormal if that is even a word. I fought going on the pump therapy about 8 years ago and now here I am. I feel very limited and handicaped. I know this will pass with time but this feeling is awful.
On a lighter note I am gamble free but the thoughts do pop up from time to time. I just remind myself it would solve nothing amd make matters worse and I move on.
I wish the snow would stop-I am quite tired of winter.
Time to get ready for work. I will be there late tonight for call night-my panic attack has already kicked in and I keep telling myself that I make a bigger deal about it than it is.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Miss P. Just wanted to stop by and say hello.
You never seem to forget me and I do apreceate that you check on me from time to time.
I haven’t felt like posting much. It’s like “if you have nothing good to say then say nothing.” I am gamble free and that is good. Life is just full of ups and downs. I am struggling a bit getting used to the insulin pump. Once I think I have it down I start running high then low and wonder if I will ever get it right. I just keep reminding myself of the saying “to whom much is given much is expected”. It is hard to remember the good days when we have bad ones but I think that is the key to success in life period. Sometimes it is not that bad things seem to always be directed at us personaly-it’s just life happening -and we have to ride out the storm before we get to see the sun shine again.
love you P!
bettie

[bettie]

Well I did get some sad news. Some of you will remember that my neighbor Jay, who was my brothers best friend, passed about 2 1/2 years ago from lung cancer. I got word that his older sister Kate passed today from breast cancer. She was a really sweet person. She came when Jay was sick and she really helped him when he first got word that he had cancer. I truely believe she helped him get a short remission as when he started chemo she told him to start planning on living and not on dying. He planned a trip with his twin brother that they made together a year before he died. That was the same place his family traveled to to scatter his ashes. Breast cancer is such a horrable disease. Kate had it for over 10 years and fought the good fight.
God bless her soul-Heaven gained a true Angel today.
bettie

[bettie]

Hi icanbeatthis,
I do admire your determination and thats a great start. Use that anger to help you through the early days of recovery.
One day at a time-ODAAT-thats all you need to build your “Clean” time.
I do know cg’s, myself included, that thought after a year or more that “i got this”, only to find myself back in front of a slot machine. Don’t set yourself up to fail. Today is the only day to concern yourself with. Just for today don’t gamble. Tomorow you start again.
You will find all kinds of great info at http://www.gachicago.org.
Have a great day!
bettie

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