[bettie]

LOL! Oh well thats behind me now.
Jen is talking about moving back to Georgia in the fall. This may be a good move for her however this was one of the things that triggered my compulsive gambling. Having this knowledge is a plus because I can start working through those feelings now. I don’t want her so far away and she intends to take her boyfriend with her which is not a good idea. While there are many music jobs there for him ( he is a world class rock drummer ) he is also a “recovering” addict-like a dry drunk he’s given up the hard stuff-but continues to get high. If I said I wasn’t worried I would be lying. Jen is taking a trip there in May and I will guess she will start inquiring about some place to move to. She has concerns about leaving my mom here-Jen visits her every week. It will be devestating to my mom.
I just have to let her go. This really hurts but she’s 32 and trying to find herself.
Who knows what the future holds. She is not happy here and she knows that she makes her own happiness. She is brave and I don’t know where she gets that from.
bettie

[bettie]

Jules is doing very well. She has the cutest little apartment which she has decorated with the beautiful primitave crafts that she makes and sells as a hobby.
Heard on the news yesterday that a man was shot in his home one town over from me. Seems he “won” a large sum at the casino and two thugs followed him home. They robbed him and shot him in the stomach. I also had a customer come into the bank and take money from his line of credit to pay income taxes on some money his wife “won” at the casino. Seems the state wants their share too. Notice how I say “won”. As a CG I know we never win-we just get more trouble in one way or another.
My niece has been admited into another treatment program for her eating disorder. My brother is just beside himself. He straightout told me “this is killing me.” He is a very logical person but he told me he is ready to walk away from everything-his house is way undervalued and his job is very stressful. He had gained a lot of belly weight and is boarderline diabetic. I have told him that he really needs professional help to tell him just how to help and stop enabeling his daughter out of fear. I have found a site for parents of kids with eating disorders. It runs much like GT. I hope he will at least look at it.
bettie

[bettie]

Carole I once heard and have repeated many times “If you want to make God laugh, tell hime YOUR plan!”
I often have one course of action all planed in my mind and it just doesn’t go as I thought it would.
I think living in the city is just part of the journey, yet another step to get you closer to where you are meant to be.
For whatever reason we are right where we are suppost to be. I console myself with that thought when I am feeling down about things. I told my girlfriend one day when we were talking about my medical issues that some days it just sucks to be me, but I am ok with that. Tomorrow is a new day!
bettie
ps-we had 70f over the weekend-and there is snow on the cars today! WTF?? LOL!

[bettie]

Well I went to the diabetic specalist today. She said stop smoking, loose 20 pounds and see me in 6 months. She will also watch my pump settings as i will upload them and her office will retreve them. Still won’t know for a while how my future medical will work out.
I was real tempted to stop at a video slot cafe’ today. No particular reason and I kept driving but it’s time to get back to meetings. I have been slak with the weather and being exausted after work but no more excuses. Better to be tired than up all night with a gambling hangover!
bettie

[bettie]

Carole, don’t look at this like a failure. It’s just part of the journey. I look back sometimes and frankly things happen for a reason. Maybe this is just what you needed to confront your gambling squarely in the face. We think we can control and fix things on our own and the reality is we can’t. This is when we learn “surrender”-when we realize we can’t gamble even just a little. Nothing changes if nothing changes. If you have the GA yellow book pull it out and read it every day, esp page 17. If you don’t have it you can find it at http://www.gachicago.org.
bettie

[bettie]

Health care is sub par in this rich country and it is sad. In the city there is free health care. I went to Cook —— Hospital and had a cist removed when I had no medical coverage. You waited all day but in the end the Doctors were very caring and dedicated. Funny as that was not my first experence with ——, as a matter of fact I was born there and so was my older sister. My parents were a couple of country bumpkins when they moved to the city. My mom had no prenatial care and went into labor. My dad went to the neighbors and asked if she would watch my brothers as he planned to deliver my mom there at home! She told him about the —— hospital and my dad took my mom there. He went to park the car and my sister was born in the elevator! True story! lol!
I did a road trip to see “Jules to my friends” today. We went thrifting and to lunch. Nice to see her as it has been more than a year. Weather was sunny and beautiful today! Spring maybe??
bettie

[bettie]

So here’s mine-Don’t apologize anymore for the same thing Liz. I had a friend who told me to stop saying I was sorry over and over, he said it sounded insincere when in fact i now know it was my co dependent people pleasing way of trying to control the situtation. My ga buddy used to have horrible fights with her 2 girls – they blamed her for everything that was wrong in their life. After many phone calls to her sponser she gave her the advice that i have found very helpful. “you already apoligized, you were sincere, you can’t fix the past. Other peoples opinion of you is none of your business. They are entitled to their own feelings . Let them know you choose to look foward, not backward.”
I think that applies to many things in life.
Like I said, my 2 cents, for what it’s worth.
bettie

[bettie]

My friend Carole,
I hope today finds you in a better “head space”.
Keep busy, even if it is just mundane. Read another book, go to a movie, wash down a wall.
Remember you are a treasure to many, many people and you DESERVE it! You ARE a wonderful person!
bettie

[bettie]

Ok Carole being in the city there must be some GA meetings around. Here they suggest 30 meetings in thirty days-what have you got to loose? I know reading the yellow book can be a drag but listen to the words-and apply them to your situtation. Maybe they don’t fit or yet maybe they do? How do you know until you try? Take what you can use and leave the rest.
Why do we punish ourselves like that? I think I know how you must be feeling.
been there done that~
bettie

[bettie]

Sign me up Carole! I gained 5 pounds just reading about the food! lol!!

[bettie]

Well 5 am my time-woke with a massave headache. I get these from time to time. I believe they are call occular migranes as it causes massave pressure behind my eyes. I used some eye drops took some pain med and ate some yogert. Its better but I can’t go back to sleep yet.
I did find out a bit about the new medical plan and it’s not good. The monthly cost is about the same but you have to spend $1500 out of pocket before thay pay for anything-including medicine. This doubles my medical cost on day 1 of the takeover. I have already met my deductable for this year -$500- and now will have to do it again. I have never heard of hitting a deductable before they paid for prescriptions. Even after that expense they only pay 75% of the cost on a doctor visit-until you hit a yearly maximum of $5000. This is a big part of the problem with medical care in the US. Back in the day I never went to the doctor because I couldn’t afford the dedcutables. I am sure I was diabetic years before I found out for lack of doctor care. I am not sure if they will even cover the insulin pump suplies. I just got 3 months suplies and will get 3 more months suplies before the change over but all these adjustments may have been for nothing. The insulin that I just got for 3 months will cost $175 co pay vs the $125 I just paid.
I don’t know how the goverment lets big business get away with giving the working staff such crappy benifits yet pays themselves millions while we take a hidden pay cuts in this way.
No wonder I have a headache!
bettie

[bettie]

Thats good news Carole! I am glad for him (and you) that he doesn’t have to start over at 60.
Maybe he’ll learn from this mistake!

[bettie]

Well my week off went quickly as I knew it would.
I had a really nice birthday. Jen planned a suprise spa day and topped it off with a suprise family dinner at a restruant. My gf came and stayed over on my birthday and spent the night. She took me to dinner and to lunch the next day. Friday night some friends took me to dinner then out dancing and a drag show! That was a lot of fun! I am tired and proved to myself that 51 isn’t 21 but I really enjoyed myself.
Back to work and the buy out is going foward. I did get an offer of employment-retaining my years of service and wage. It will be a day at a time situtation for the next few months but I have a new attitude. I just refuse to worry about things I can’t control and I will do the best I can.
As for Jen’s gambling I know she is still scratching off lottery tickets and goes to bingo. It is a concern but all I can do is let her know these things start small and sprial out of control for some.
I am doing much better with the pump and have more confidence about managing emergencys.
I am over my cold but my cough is awful. I need to stop smoking for good.
I worked out a couple times last week and got on the scale. That was discouraging as I was up a couple pounds. I am the only person that I know who goes on a low carb diet and gains weight!
My kitties are as spoiled as ever!
bettie

[bettie]

Yes Liz, sometimes it is just better not to tell you mom about the things you do. I never told my mom when I won at the casino because every time I had an money issue she would ask “well what happened to all that money you got?” My daughter bought me a new carry on suite case for my birthday. My mom’s comment-“Well what do you need that for? I’m going to start going with you on the weekends and see what you do. It must be nice to just pick up and go.” I told her I’m going to Mexico in the fall and it would get well used. I’m not sure if I will go to Mexico-my friend has a friend with a time share and just maybe I’ll have the money to go so we will see. I know she is jealous of all her children and think about that. What an ugly feeling to have 24/7! I pitty her and refuse to feel guilty any more. She has the money to do anything she would want to do-she just doesn’t want to do anything for herself.
Well back to work for me!
bettie

[bettie]

I think hubby likes to hold gambling over your head. I think Cat hit it right on the head!
I think it’s an act of desperation. See as long as he can enable you he may some level of control over you-very co dependent actions on his part. I’m glad you can see right through him.
bettie

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