[bettie]

Freedom comes in many shapes and forms. Many have fought and died for the freedoms we enjoy today. Yet another day to remember and celebrate the gifts we have been given.
I spent yesterday cleaning my place and still have quite a way to go. I let this place go to hell in a hand basket over the last 6 weeks knowing that Jen was leaving yet again. I have had her so far away before and it will be an adjustment. Jen posted on FB that I would miss the dogs more than her. There is some truth to that-as I can’t talk to them on the phone and the minpin Sidney is getting old and the other pup Jax is a goofy licking dog. I miss Jen already but the animals were my lunch time break as I went to walk them almost daily. I was very weepy as I walked through the house one last time and my mind kept looking for them.
My knee is very sore and swolen. If I still had my old insurance I would have been to the Dr already but he will want a MRI and guess what? I don’t have the money to front for the $1500. I will contact the insurance next week if it’s not better as someone heard they will count our current YTD out of pocket. If that is the case then it will only be 25% of the cost.
My down stairs neighbor unloaded my car yesterday when she saw me limping around trying to do it myself. There is a storage under the stairs that has not been in use since the guy on the first floor moved out years ago. I popped the lock and replaced it with a new handset. I will leave a note that I have stuff in there just in case but I doubt there will be an issue. I have “building seniority”-having lived here the longest. There is an old suit case with the former users name on it so I know that no one else has been in there. I couldn’t face shoving more of Jen’s stuff in my “guest” ( hording ) room.
I’m going to try to change my vacation for next week as Deb has invited me to join her and go back to Niagria Falls. As much as I want to go downstate and see my nieces, Jen and my great nephew I also need some down time just doing some fun stuff-on a budget of course!
I am not nearly as depressed as I was before Jen left. I am greatful that she is out of that house. My compulsive mind was just relentless trying to figure out how this was all going to get done. I was talking to my GA friend, just emotional and crying and she asked me realisticly what was would make it better and I said I just want this move out over. Well now this chapter is closing out and a new one is starting and I feel much better.
God has been good to me and has sent help to me yet again.
bettie

[bettie]

I could just imagine Danny arguring with a raccoon! LOL! I needed that this morning!
Have a safe trip!
bettie

[bettie]

Gee what is that? lol!
Jen’s landlord stopped at the bank to pick up the keys yesterday. I was swamped with customers of course so no real chit chat. I told him I would call him when I was on lunch and I did. He said stuff was still in the basement-there was a small storage I forgot about. I told him to pitch it out because I didn’t care what was there. He claims the city won’t pick up the stuff but I walk that alley daily with the dogs and there is stuff out there all he time. I told him to call a junk man and let me know the cost. I’ll pay him from Jens money if need be but I want a reciept. He works for the city and has connections so I know it will all be picked up. Jen asked me to go back and pick up a bowl she left. I told her sorry-as there are at least 20 bags and I could not go through them. I offered to come mop and vaccum as I left cleaning supplies but he said no as he would be tearing out floors and carpet so my work there is done.
Jens BF is immature and and lacks common sense Carole-he didn’t see any of this as his problem. Well he will grow up soon as Jen was smart enough to have him sign the lease on the place they are renting in Georgia, so next time it will be his problem and money on the line.
They have arrived at my sister in laws and I am relieved. I am hoping to go visit and stay with my brother. I have not met met my great nephew yet, he’s about 7 months old now. I was suposted to work today and start my vacation tomorrow but the assistant manager has given herself off Saturday so my 9 days off is broken up. I could have fought her but thats ok. Being ignorant of how banking works in general today will be a train wreck as it is one of the most busy days of the year. Saturday will be a sleeper as most people have a 3 day weekend due to the 4th of July holiday. I need to take it easy as I have injured my knee with all this moving crap and it hurts. I have been icing it but may wind up in the orthopedics office before it’s all done.
On a similar note my regional manager was in yesterday and we had a little talk about my accomodation. I made that man’s face turn panic white at least 3 times when I told him what she said about it being a new company and they could do what ever they want. I told him she discussed my situtation with a disinterested 3rd party-the conversion assistant-who told her she never heard of such a thing. I told him that even though she is ignorant of the law that is not only an ADA violation it is also a HIPPA ( privacy) violation. He assured me that my accomodation was fully in place, I didn’t have to do a thing to reinstate it, and thanked me for working well past the limitations as an extream exception to the rules layed out. Wish I could be a fly on the wall when she gets talked to. He was in the managers office talking to him just a few minutes later.
Well I got the tire patched on lunch time yesterday and need to empty it of the stuff. I slept well last night but will take it slow and wear my knee brace-if i can find it in this mess.
God is Good!
bettie

[bettie]

Well even leaving 1 day later than planned Jen hit the road leaving tons of clothes funiture and very personal belongings,. I stopped there at lunch and took the granddogs out for a last walk and gave them their treats. That was sad for me.
I had some customers who are scavengers come in today and I asked them if they would come help me and they did. They worked like dogs as I bagged they took out the stuff. They brought their son and dragged out the couch, bed, tables etc. The alley is full of lots of stuff that should have gone to good will. I had called some friends that were interested in the funiture but were not avalible when I was there after work. They came when I left so hopefully they took some of it. I called the landlord when I left. I told him what was going on and he said it couldn’t all be put in the alley. I told him where did he want it to go? I suggested he call the city for a pick up or call a junk guy to come get it and I would pay for it. I paid the helpers $150- Jens money. They worked like slaves and I asked what I owed. The lady said just pay what you can and I asked if that was enough. She said you have always taken such good care of us at the bank that that was more than enough. She hugged me and I broke into tears. Being exausted and emotionaly drained I just couldn’t take it any more. She was sweet just holding me and letting me cry for a minute.
I told the landlord that I could come back when I am off tomorrow and mop and vaccum. I’ve had about 4 hours sleep for the 2nd night in a row in a row and I have to work in an hour.
Forgot to mentiion we took two car loads from Jens to store until she comes back in August. We packed between the storms we had Monday. I picked up a screw in my from tire and aired it up and made it home. I asked the neighbor if he would put on the spare and he said no problem-you always let me in when I forget my key! While he was working 2 other neighbors offered to unload the cars and dragged box after box up 3 flights to my condo.
God is so Good! That tire got changed before the next storm started – which was wicked by the way. God puts the people we need right in front of us. All we have to do is ask.
bettie

[bettie]

I remember the night almost 20 years ago that my daughter was hit by a car like it was yesterday.
As the days went by things got worse by the minute with new injuries discovered and more and more problems found.
I remember thinking if I close my eyes it will be a year from now and this will be behind us.
I am going through major loss and change right now and it hurts ike hell.
If we close our eyes long enough it will be a year from now and before we know it-this too will be behind us.
bettie

[bettie]

Spent my off day doing a few things at Jens as she gets ready to move Monday. I have been crying on and off all day.
Jens BF doesn’t want me cleaning as he wants to leave the place a wreck. Before this deal became the disaster it has become I promised her landlord that I would keep up cleaning after the animals-as he was worried about renting to people with pets. Jen is a lousy housekeeper – and all I plan to do is wipe down the fridge, cabinets and mop vaccum, and clean the bathroom. Some would say to hell with it but I am left to deal with him when they are long gone.
I told Jen I am suposted to be off next week and would come spend some time with her as she settled into her tempory housing with my sister in law. She asked where I planned to stay. I guess she doesn’t want me invading her space. Once she gets to Georgia in August I wonder if I will be welcome there. I have never been welcome to her rental when her BF was home.
Haven’t felt this rejected in a long time.
Work is still tough. I went to see an elderly blind customer of mine today to help her learn her new account number. I brought 2 dounuts to share as asked her which she liked better chocolate or vanilla. She was so cute-Oh honey I love them both and she scooped away the bag and put it up for later.
bettie

[bettie]

Having been the wife of a man who was cheating on me I was very offended when I found out that certain “friends” knew and said nothing. It felt like they took some sick pleasure telling me oh yea I knew about him and so and so long after I found out. Really? Where was that info when I needed it? Needless to say I lost a few friends who really were not my friends at all.
bettie

[bettie]

I should be sleeping but too wound up.
Work is crazy and frantic. I have 6 notes from customers calling for the last two days and I just can’t justify stopping to call them when there is a two hour wait in the lobby! I have been there past 6 pm the last two days. I was getting flack about telling them I needed to leave Monday at 6 then realized someone has been waiting just to see me for over an hour. I called them over and had the assistant come by my desk to ask a question. I think I answered her in giberish as she asked me if I needed something to eat. All I could respond was yea maybe. She brought me a peach pie from Mc D’s and I took a bite-just enough to perk me back up. I finished at about 6:30pm and went home.
Today I was very low at lunch but managed to matain my sugars better today.
They are offering over time this week. I wil not be in on my day off-I just can’t do it.
My accomodatation is violated daily so I am keeping notes.
This too will pass.
bettie

[bettie]

I am sorry for the situtation you find yourself in right now.
The addiction is making a lot of desisions for you right now. Your post screams I can’t I can’t I can’t. Its finding every excuse ( vaild ones possibly) as to why one thing or another won’t help you.
Did you get a phone list at that meeting? Maybe someone there can give you suggestions as who you could talk to. Maybe someone who goes to that meeting lives in your area and might be willing to give you a ride. Maybe you can get a phone sponser if you can’t get to a face to face meeting.
It is hard to recover on your own. I have no one close that I can share my addictions issues with-I am single with no one besides myself and my 2 cats to come home to. Sites like GT have been my salvation -esp early in recovery.
They only people I can talk about my CG addiction are in the program. No one else understands like someone who has the same addiction.
I know the open chat here is a ghost town now- such a shame as it once was so vibrant. I can usually find someone at safe harbor when I need extra support. http://www.sfcghub.com

praying for you
bettie

[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Kitty seems to be doing good-doing the things that kittys do.
We are in the mist of our conversion to the new ownership of the bank. We have had non stop phone calls and people yanking on the doors trying to get in. We have helpers from the new ownership there to help. I have done well – up till now. I am in full blown panic mode. Their expatations for the next week are more than outragious. We are suposted to be profiling customers for future sales. Are they out of their minds? I have kind of lost it a couple of times yesterday and today. I know whats coming -this is my 5th change over and it will be nothing but fixing things and calming the customers down. They expect us to drive around the building as part of the security procedure. I asked if we were being paid to arrive earlier and they said no, because really if we stopped to pee when we came in we aren’t paid for that time either. Really? I can’t stand stupid people and rules that make no sence.
There has also been mention about my accomodation. The assistant said it doesn’t apply because we are a new company.I went to the manager-and she went running into his office when she saw me talking to him. I told him if there was some quesstion about this then they should have instructed me about who talk to as this is a federal rule-and my condition hasn’t changed just because we have a new owner. He backed down fast-stating that they would abide by it but I would need to talk to new management about it.
I think my head will explode if I don’t have a heart attack first.
Jenny moves on the 30th Vera.
I am feeling just sick over it all.
bettie

[bettie]

Thanks Liz my little guy is now hiding from me in the am as he knows I am going to force him to get his meds. Just antibiotics now. He has been eating his kibble-not sure how easy that is with stiched up gums but he has wet food too.
Got a call from a lady I just met a couple of weeks ago. Seems her husband had been coming to the bank to see me for years and he passed away last week. She wanted to tell me how highly her husband thought of me-that I was the only banker he wanted to deal with and he trusted me and my opinion. Such a sweet man. He had an old chocolate Lab dog that he used to bring to the bank. About a year ago he stopped coming to the bank with him as he was old and arithic and had trouble getting in the car. I always sent him home with a dog biscut for him. He was in a couple months ago and told me that he had to put him down as it was time. There was a big change in his demeaner after that. I knew he wanted to be with his buddy again and I am sure they are both feeling young and loving each other again. He was 91 and though he had slowed he enjoyed a full life up until the end. We should all be so fortunate.
How nice of his wife to call me while she is greaving her husband.
bettie

[bettie]

Kitty is home and very sleepy. His house mate brother is hissing at him-he has been doing that since he first went to the vet Saturday.
You are right Harry-I had to take a loan from Jen to pay for the bill but I have some money coming in a few weeks so she will be repayed. My gambling buddy and I used to count our losses by how many Coach ( designer ) purses we could have bought -retail about $350 USD. Many many nights were 2 -3 purse losses followed by 100’s of nights gambling. Heck Between the two of us we could have easily had our own store.
Vera I know you are not a Cat person but truth be known my furry 4 legged buddys bring me so much joy! They love me when I feel so unlovable and comfort me when I am lonely. They are worth their weight in gold-and my kittys are chubby for sure!
The Vet bill was $100 MORE than estimated as he needed 2 additioned teeth removed and needed pain meds and antibotics. I might wind up in emergency tomorrow after I have to give him his meds!
Jens landlord showed up at my job today. I happened to catch him out of the corner of my eye and ducked out the back door and went to lunch. He promptly called my cell phone and I didn’t answer. He left a message-after I told him NOT to call me during work hours. I did not return his call and don’t plan to if at all possible until I can call and say she is moved out. Just too much stress. The cat, the bank change to the new owners on Friday plus Jen moving is alot to take all at once.
I’m hanging in there.
bettie

[bettie]

Up extra early for a long day.
My kitty is having urgent surgery today. His only fang tooth is hanging out and is infected. He has to be sedated and have a deep cleaning. Poor Mr Jingles! This has been going on for quite a while but went unnoticed by me because neither cat lets me pick them up.
$350-which I don’t have-will be spent today. If I was gambling that would be my seed money for the day. and I would not have thought twice about it.
bettie

[bettie]

Thanks for your reply Charles.
He called today as expected. I didn’t pick up. He left a message pleading with me to call him. Old tactics from an old flame I guess. I replied with a text telling him we had nothing to talk about. I assured him the house would not be vandalized and would be returned in the same if not better condition than it was when she moved in. After that I slipped into a little insulin reaction. It is funny how stress affects the body. The fight flight reaction is a funny thing too as I want to cry and punch something at the same time. I do need to get my *ss to a meeting where I can vent face to face. The urge to gamble is strong-stronger than it had been in a long time. I was plotting how I could get cash to gamble only to realize that I am flat broke at the moment and had to ask myself if I really wanted to gamble away the mortgage money. Even with a foggy mind I know that as a CG there is no “win”-only more heart ache and pain and worry-none of which I need right now.
bettie

[bettie]

The landlord called and left me a voice mail asking about the rent. It just took all the spirit out of me tonight. I had planned to come home and clean and it left me with a sick stomach all evening. I dont want to talk to him but he knows I am off tomorrow and will call again leaving another threatning message. I know what can and can’t be done but I feel I am now paying for my past involvement with him. I’ll be glad when this business is over but it will be a while before Jen is really setteled. I’m sad and angry and I am eating my feelings. It’s good that I am broke as that keeps the gambling bug at bay but the thought is there.
i signed up for my new medical plan today and I am wondering some of the people I work with will make it. It will cost me over $3000 just to pay my premium and the $1500 copay through December. I know that one of the gals that just had a baby will qualify for public aid. How crazy is that? I thought only walmart got away with that crap! Pay billions to the owners and let the tax payers take care of the employees!
I just don’t know anymore.
bettie

[Author]

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