[bettie]

Hi Guys,
Thanks for the posts! Did ok today, little temptions today but not a trigger day. Still have $$ sitting in my account, trying to figureout how to get the most bills paid. Worked on a budget, helps to see it all on paper. I still have that "just 100.00" thing running in my head but I keep telling myself that would pay my late cell phone bill. I made a "deal’ with myself. I keep telling myself I can’t go and that makes me sad, like a little kid being told no so now I am telling myself i can go gambling when all bills, personal loans, and mtg’s are paid up and $$ is in savings and I have made a trip to see my nieces and my car is running properly. That should carry me into next year!
I really hope that thought carries me through the weekend. I expect tomorrow to be tough. I am a pesamist but thats not always the worse thing, prepare for the worst, hope for the best. Very glad to see 48 hour chat, that should help!
Ok, someone help me with the time change. I am in a central time zone. I think I am 5 hours behind?? Sorry, I have never traveled far and most midwesteners think the world revolves around them and only the rest of the world has an accent. lol!
Salina, I see you as a friend too! I am so glad you feel the same! I find myself wishing I could fly to CA and help you ban! ( yea, because I’m so perfect now, haha!) ( like I’ve banned myself!) I am high on a 5 day no gamble binge! I’m sure I could "fail" at anytime and don’t want to think that way, like a self fulfulling profitcy ( can’t spell, can’t figureout spell check!).
Nancy, thanks for the support! I went to dinner with my brother, had dessert too!(Sorry Salina, bad for the diet!!)
I do need that hobby, any suggestions??
Peace
bettie
 

[bettie]

Hi All,
Stayed safe today, tempted, stayed busy. set boundrys, invited company over, had a good time!
Peace
bettie

[bettie]

Thanks howana.
Coalminer, Hope I didn’t plant a seed! Down with the limits not up!!!!!lol!
We do look at your account activity when you ask for an increase. If you od all the time we won’t do it.
Got to go to work.
Keep posting!
Bettie

[bettie]

Hi all,
I just checked my account and guess what? I got the distribution I was looking for from my retirement plan! I will not, not, not NOT go to the casino today! I have to get a cashier check to avoid forclosure. That will be done TODAY! My car has to go to the shop and I need my licence plates.
Need to go to my pt job. I will call my daughter, set up barriers for tonight, get this money spent on the "right" things today and avoid temptation. "Just 100.00"keeps rolling through my head.
Need to move, my resolve is strong today, I can’t ask for more that. Strong for today, that is a blessing. Need to count that blessing!
bettie
ps. another barrier to think about. I am a banker and we can set your debit card to purchase only, or change your limit to $50 for cash. Mine used to be 2000,00 cash! I almost spent all of that once at the casino so my limit now is 500.00. Need to change that to 50.00 when I go back on Friday. You can also "opt out" so you can’t overdraw. I used to see customers come in overdrawn , debit after debit, for 20-40 dollars. We charge $37.00 for each one. I had no mercy and never reversed a fee. I figured that if they could pay the casino they could pay the bank.( maybe I didn’t want to be an enabeler??) I never thought that one day that would be me!

[bettie]

Vera,
Here’s a story I’m proud to share.
Back in 2007 I had a fissure, ( a tear in the anus-not pretty! ) I had to have surgery to correct it. I was on my back for 2 months trying to heal.( I still went to the casino, hurt like heck! lol!) I don’t know kilos but I weighed around 330 lbs (I should be around 140) I had given up, knew I wouldn’t live to see 50.My doctor wanted to put me on an insulin pump-24/7 attached to a little machine. (I did get approved for gastric bypass but researched enough to know it wasn’t for me. At that time 1 in 200 gained it all back. I know me, I would be the one!) That was August of 2007. Light bulb moment! I watched this disease kill my dad, It wasn’t going to happen to me.About that time a man i knew took an interest in me too-big, fat ugly unworthly me! He talked to me, told me I was beautiful and he wanted to see me live. It started out for him, it ended up for me. What ever gets you there, you know?
I started to "watch" what I ate, no real diet. I have spent enough on Weight Watchers to know how to eat. 3 meals, 3 snacks, fruit vegatables, lean meats, lots of chicken, no skin. No frying! Replace "white" foods as much as possible, replace with whole grains, wheat pasta, etc. Sweets make you want more sweets and can start a binge.I refuse to be hungry and at 330 lbs you need 11 calories per pound just to maintain your weight (3300 calories a day!) So just by cutting back, eating better, watching the amount of fat (no trans fats!) I lost about 30 lbs in 4 months. At 45 I couldn’t loose like I did when I was young so another friend harrased me about excerise. I whipped out the old Richard Simmons tape I had used 15 years ago but the VCR broke! Just by chance I found Leslie Sansone’s 1 mile walk for diabetics so I thought, I could do that. I took that one day at a time, every day, and added more miles when I felt strong. She has a web sight, walk at home.com, Anyways, I have stalled this past year but by now I usually have gained it all back plus some! I lost more than this back in 1993. In 1994 my daughter was hit by a car and almost killed. I stoped excersing, I gained it all back in about two years. When we neglect ourselfs, bad things happen! She took about 1 year to recover. Right now she has severe back problems, spinal deteration, from the accident. She may need surgery.Thats another story!
I have pretty much maintained this past year but my blood tests aren’t as good as last year. I am off about 1/2 my medicine. I would like to dump it all! I have been really bad about working out. With this "Gambling Depression" I can’t seem to get up early enough to work out. By the evening I’m too tired but I have done Saturday and Sunday am, Tuesday and Wednesday ( tonight) pm. I usually do a 3-4 mile workout in the am. PM 2 miles are about the best I can do but I have and it helps everything! ( and I still don’t love it but am so glad when I do it). You see, I am trying to find that middle ground. I always did all or none. if I ate cake not only was my day ruined, I was off my "diet" for the rest of the week. Then I quit! I can have cake, 1 piece, but it is a trigger so I don’t have it in the house. All good food here. I have low fat treats (ice cream bars) 100 calories plus fiber but nothing else. Too tempting! But it is just me and the kittys so they don’t want chips around.
So what does this have to do with CG? It’s really about behaviour. I am a complusive person! But maybe I can be compulsive about good habits instead of just bad ones!
Thank you for asking Vera and I hope you got some tips.
I stayed home, almost bed time, made it through today. Tomorrow is a new day, less of a trigger day, not a day I "Always" went to the casino so It should not be too bad. Today I am thankful….
Bettie

[bettie]

Hi P,
Just got done working out, have to laugh at myself. I do everything compusively! When I’m on my "square" I can be so good! I have lost over 100lbs in the last two years, on my own. No, no bindge dieting, hard work, eating well. I am diabetic and was killing myself with food. I still need to lose more weight , I gained 10 lbs over the holidays, decited to "take the holidays off this year’. Mistake! So hopefully I can find the same resolve to gambling before it beats me!
I’m home, I’m safe and I thank you, I thank you all. One day at a time…..

[bettie]

Never made it off line. Looking for inspritation and found some! The slot machine is like my substitute lover, nonjudgemental, takes what he wants, then tosses me aside! I wonder why I have not found a meaningful relationship in the last 15 years. I accept the same treatment from men that I do from the slot machine!
I didn’t call anyone because I want to call my gambling buddy. I had to rethink that. Hard not to think about tomorrow, I am worried about 2 weeks from now! Stinkin’ thinkin’!
Thanks for the support Vera, I prayed someone would reply and here you were! Answer to my prayer!

[bettie]

I’m home, got the mail, 5 ad’s for next months promos. Tore some up, need to do the rest. I keep thinking in a few weeks I’ll have money, just $100, was supost to get a room for my birthday and stay over with my daughter. I know she is dissapointed we can’t do that now. I still want to. WHY???!!!! I can’t believe how much I want to float a check or call my gambling buddy to go. It’s only been 3 days since I wasted my check I didn’t even have yet. Need to call someone who doesn’t gamble. Need to go to the GA meeting I found. Afraid to get in the car. If I stay home I’m safe. Need to call someone now!

[bettie]

Cully21, so glad to see you here tonight! I read alot of your posts yesterday and am impressed with your strength to keep on keeping on! Again, I really did think I was the only one who felt that way.
I have to go to bed but just wanted to say a quick thanks and I’ll try to post tomorrow.

[bettie]

Opened the bills, could be worse. Have to call 2nd mtg company to work out a plan. Don’t want to sleep in my car.
Did my workout. Going on with my life.

[bettie]

I’m back. Just got home from work. Tried to get a loan aganist my car. Even with the bankrupcy my debt to income is too high for a secured loan. I have my bills on the table, afraid to open them. I have a hardship withdrawl comming from my retirement plan and need that to catch up the mortgage. I don’t know what to do about the rest but I spent my last two checks at the boat and have to repay my daughter at least some of what I owe her. She has bills too.
Not gambleing, the only good thing about being broke!lol! I have to make myself work out now, good for the mind and sole.
Tomorrow is another day but a trigger time. MUST go to GA tomorrow. Need to give my checkbooks to my daughter so I can’t float a hot check tomorrow to gamble.

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