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bettieParticipant
Hi Guys!
I have been trying to get into the site since last nite, I thought u were gone forever!
I kept getting "run time error" but no site, even at 5 am today!
Glad you’re still here GT! Don’t make me panic! LOL!
bettiebettieParticipantHi Laura, Hi Guys,
I spent a lot of time reading my thread. Funny how the urges go hand in hand with the times I feel slighted or upset about something but mainly someone. I would have never made that connection before. Interesting.
"Settle for less", that is the main theme here. I do it all the time Laura, i just never saw the pattern before.
well, something solid to work on. I am "people pleaser" and allow myself to be taken advantaged of.
Learning-thats a good thing!
bettiebettieParticipant
I copied this from Marilee’s thread. It speaks so much truth ( at least to me ) that I almost cried when I read it.
I would recomend having someone to whom you are trying to explain this illiness to read it.
Thanks Marilee, hope you are ok where ever you are.
It often crosses my mind that being an addict is like trying to communicate with a deaf world. You are trying and trying to say the words, but no one can hear you. It is a disease of incredible loneliness, isolation, secrecy, fear and depression. Since you don’t walk with crutches, have a cast, bandages or bruises, others do not know you are sick. In the beginning, you don’t know you are sick either. It may be more visible to others who notice your mood, your unhappiness, your withdrawal, than it is to you. Make no mistake – the denial of a problem is protecting the addict from a pain they are not ready to handle. With all addictions, moving from denial is a risky process. It involves putting your relationships, your self-esteem, your sanity on the line. To get from denial to acknowledgement, those who surround you need to understand this: gambling is NOT about the money. Money is only the tool that helps us continue to use a coping mechanism to deal with negative emotions. The power of the addiction is that, in the beginning, this tool worked amazingly well. In the beginning, a casino feels like a safe place. No one asks anything of you, the lights and noise distract your thoughts, for one hour or ten, you have nothing to do but sit and press a button that randomly rewards you. Go back to any Psychology 101 class and you will find that it is proven that random rewards are far more powerful in sustaining the behavior. This would be an ideal solution, except that – like an alcoholic who needs more and more alcohol to get drunk – a gambler needs to go more often to shut off the negative emotions and the anxiety, depression and despair that those emotions cause. Eventually, the financial losses accumulate, and you add yet another layer of problems to the many you already couldn’t cope with. In many ways, it is easier to see the financial problems as the only ones you really have. There isn’t a gambler out there who doesn’t say "if only I could win $10,000 my problems would be solved". Well, they would be solved on one level – relief from the stress of unpaid bills, collection calls, legal action – but the reasons why you gamble have not been addressed and you would begin the cycle all over again.
Gamblers are both alike and different. We are alike because we have chosen a coping mechanism for psychological pain that, without question, will lead to financial ruin, destruction of relationships and often death. We are alike because we all play a negative tape in our heads – "I am stupid", "I am worthless", "If anyone really knew me they would not love me"; and on and on it goes. We are only different in the life situations that cause us to have the negative emotions.
What can those who are close to a gambler do? Perhaps it is easier to list what I believe they should not do. Do not judge, belittle or demean us. That is what we do to ourselves in our head. Words like "shocked" "disappointed" "angry" will not help us. They will increase the negative emotions, and increase the drive to release that pressure by gambling more. Do not place the blame for your emotions on us. "You hurt me because you lied" "You have taken my trust". We can’t deal with our own emotions, how in God’s name are we supposed to deal with yours? Those close to a gambler need to work concurrently with us – find your own outlet and help for your emotions while we are dealing with ours. We are not indifferent to how those around us are feeling, we are simply not capable of helping them. Do not expect a gambler to tell you why they gamble. For some it is a lifelong pursuit to understand it themselves. At a minimum, it is a lengthy process of uncovering the many things in their past that brought them here. Do not expect a gambler to just stop once they have acknowledged the gambling. You are an addict for life. Recovery often involves relapse. Think of it this way – if someone tells you that you can never, ever have chocolate again, wouldn’t you run around and binge on it before it was gone? A gambler is losing the only crutch they have and it is very scary. Until other, different and healthy coping mechanisms are in place, we are terrified to be without our gambling crutch.
What can you do? Always, always have compassion. Someone you love is in terrible pain. If they had a physical disease, you would unquestionably be there to support them. But they have an emotional disease – and they need you even more. Tell them you love them, need them, and want to suppport them to get well. Don’t threaten them – "If you gamble again I am leaving". Unless of course that is how you really feel. If so, say it, mean it, do it. This is an intensive battle for the gambler’s life. If you’re not in it for the long haul, then get out of the way. It is okay to place reasonable conditions on your support – "I’ll drive you to your meetings but I won’t give you money" – but that doesn’t mean your love can be conditional.
Respect the gambler. There is no dignity in this disease. We have spent a long time and a lot of energy creating a false mask for others in order to hide our disease and our pain. Admitting you are an addict takes more courage than most people will ever know. We deserve to be respected for this.
It’s one thing to know where you want to go-it’s another thing entirely to have the Wisdom to get there….
Looking for the Wisdom– 5/13/2010 11:09:41 PM: post edited by bettie.bettieParticipantHi Larry,
Funny you should mention it but I have thought about starting a new thread. I have only had the "wish I was dead" feeling once after starting this thread but I now know that many feel like i did then, when I thought I was all alone.
I hope in someway it gives hope to someone feeling that sick scarry way I felt at that time.
It serves as a reminder of what depths this illness will take you if you let it.
You’re right Larry, I WANT TO LIVE! I WANT TO BE HAPPY! Gambling will NEVER give me the GOOD FEELING that I now have by NOT GAMBLING!
I need to remember this and not become complacent. That is a sure road to disaster.
Always good to chat with you too!
bettieIt’s one thing to know where you want to go-it’s another thing entirely to have the Wisdom to get there….Looking for the WisdombettieParticipantHi P, Hi Guys,
Yes, i’m usually better prepaired food wise at home but i was so broke this week i didn’t shop for food and had to rely on the freezer . Being too lasy to cook also led to buying cheap fast food-a big no-no and it didn’t help that i bought 2, not 1 but 2 half gallions of ice cream! I just ate some too! Yummy!
Oh well, i worked hard today so maybe that won’t be too damaging.
I feel better today but tired, need to nap and maybe get back on the ball and pick up this messy place.
I am feeling better about that last urge crisis so thats a good thing.
bettie
bettieParticipantToday has been the worse ever food binge day i have ever had!
I had great intentions then BOOM, I was walking out the door and was hit with a major dizzy spell. I don’t know if I was having low bloor sugar or a reaction to my new blood pressure pills, but i stopped at the Mc Donalds and had a lousy greasy breakfast, which seemed to help a bit but then I started sweating, and I mean major rainfall! I was soaked by the time i got to work, even with the air on in the car! My hair, which took me 30 minits to straighten and style, looked like a fuzzball!
I have been eating ever since! Donuts. french frys, cheese burger, bread, ice cream, u name it!
UGG!!!!
I bet i’ve hade 6000 calories today!
I need to call my "girlie" doctor tomorrow, maybe menopause??
At least that kept me from thinking about gambling!
Tomorrow is another day!
bettiebettieParticipantHi Guys,
Thanks for the posts. Gotta jump in the shower and get to work.
I am here getting my motovation for the day. Need to be productive, eat better today, and should have worked out but maybe after work. I have been binge eating and haven’t worked out since last week-not a good way to deal with my urges but at least i didn’t gamble.
The best thing about today is the chance to start clean!
I have been working on a list of things I need and things I want to do once I get that check this month, Gambling is NOT on that list!
peace
bettiebettieParticipantHi Guys,
made it through work, gave little cold shoulder to the asst manager, resigned to "take it like a man". It’s just hard when you feel like you’re not treated fairly but my friend told me to hang in there, better days are coming my way. So hard not to be down about the whole situtation, ( the idiot still hasn’t called ) and hard not to be a pessamist.
I will survive, hurt feelings and all, and be better for it.
Now a gambling question, why does my head say you should plan a trip to the casino when things settle down, you deserve to enjoy yourself.
What is fun about giving your money to a machine??
I am trying to replace that thought with, What summer concerts are comming up that u would like to go to? How about a trip to a bed and breakfast? I’ve never done that!
Ring up the Cousin, she likes the adventure, plan something, anything, just not a gambling trip!
Why do I want to do this? What is fun about a gambling hangover? Why do I think I can gamble just a little?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???????????????????
I know the answer but want to be in denial about it.
YOU ARE A COMPLUSIVE GAMBLER DUMMY! THATS WHY!
odaat
bettiebettieParticipantHi Guys,
Stayed home, made it through. Cooler heads will prevail! Thanks to V, Laura, Pp, Katheryn and last but not least Mobi, for the chat yesterday. Thanks for letting me vent. I think that Mobi and I were on by ourselves for over an hour!
What a sweetie!
Need to work out and rid myself of some of the junk food I ate yesterday. Going to pick up my Mom amd do her hair for Mothers Day.
happy day moms!
bettiebettieParticipantI know things don’t happen by chance, i believe in fate.
This wasn’t meant to be so it didn’t work out. "He" was just an actor in the play of life, put there to see how i would pass this test.
I will win and move past this dissapointment like an adult and say too bad, so sad!
"Tomorrow, is another day!" Scarlett O’Hara aka bettiebettieParticipantI wish I coukd say I’ve enjoyed the last couple of days but life is like that.
My friend who invited me on the trip has not called me back. Period.
I had a miserible time trying to get the time off. My asst mgr was worried about coverage but that was no issue when she and the only other banker were off at the same time and I worked by myself for a week. That whole thing left me in tears and so upset I am ready to quit, if only I could!
So I go to all this trouble, secure the time, risk my job and make a general *ss out of myself and this idiot can’t even return my call. I just don’t get it! Why did he even call and invite me in the first place. Men, chime in here, what happened?? I am puzzled.
Oh well, long story short he better not call. PERIOD! I am deleating him from my phone. facebook and life. It really doesn’t matter at this point, the only acceptable excuse is he’s dead. and if he’s not then he has no explanation that would be accepted.
BOY WOULD I LIKE TO GO GAMBLE! There, I said it. I have been urges since this mess started yesterday. I know how to set myself up for failure! Now I need to work on planning to succeed!
I’m going to go on the chat, I am going to stay home. I took the last of my cash out of the bank today and it’s in my purse screaming go=go=go!
Just got to yell back NO-NO-NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bettie
bettieParticipantOk, Whats up with the stars??
My trucker buddy called, he wants to take me to Miami Beach for Mothers Day! The question? Will my boss let me have the time off??
I haven’t had a vacation in 2 years. All I would have to cover is my food. Will it happen? Pray and cross your fingers!
bettie
this turned into a near disaster!!!!!– 5/8/2010 11:19:39 PM: post edited by bettie.bettieParticipantHi Guys,
What an interesting day. I had a customer I had not seen in over two years come into the bank today. He talked to me a while before he realized who I was. He said "You look like a new person," I told him "110lbs makes a difference." He laughed and asked me out to lunch! What a nice guy! Had a good time. And a gentleman too! Opened the car door, restruant door, no question about the check. Refreshing!
My friend who plays the ponies called me at work. Seem he has moved on from the off track betting parlor to online gambling. He has 5 pending tractions and has spent over 1500.00 in the last week. I asked him if he was ready to stop as it seemed his "system" that he told me about didn’t seem to be working. He really didn’t see the humor. I was mean I know but this is the guy who kept asking me "are you sure you’re not going to the boat" and was trying to get me to try playing the horses.
Feeling good today!
peace
bettie– 5/6/2010 12:34:48 AM: post edited by bettie.bettieParticipantHi Kathryn,
I have no martial advice as I haven’t been married for 27 years and we only lived together 18 months! Now, if you want advice about living with two cats I can help u out!
Why is it when everything seems to be going our way (for once) something jumps up and tries to take our joy!
Don’t let that happen k! You deserve to be happy and I am glad you are calm about it. It is funny how much more secure I feel since I stopped gambling. Work has been a challange and I have been cheated out of bonus pay and credit for my work. Normally that would have sent me to the casino but somehow I have been taking it "like a man" and have not cried and have worked hard not to have a negative attitude, which is something I have NEVER been able to do.
I BELIEVE this too shall pass!
Take care!
bettiebettieParticipantHi Guys,
Reading threads, catching up. So Tired! Seem like a lot of new folks lately. Sorry they have "the problem" but glad they found GT.
I think about gamnling less and less but I went to my friends house in Indiana and I knew if I had not banned I would have found an excuse to go to the boat. I had no $$, couldn’t write a check without going to jail so that snuffed the desire right out.
Broke and happy today! What a blessing!
peace
bettie -
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