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Its more brain chemistry for me because I get a rush from hitting the bonus symbols. Do it enough and your brain becomes trained to anticipate the rush and you crave the release. I am a compulsive online gambler and its fine to say you chase your losses but then why wouldn’t you quit when you are up? We feel good when we win and it could be ego but then why do you continue to do something obsessively when in the end you know that you are going to lose? I think we say things to ourselves to justify gambling but I think its only to make ourselves feel better. Can you say that you are an addict?
Treat yourself like an addict – anyone addicted to anything must stop using it to feel better. It’s only when you face that you are an addict with no control that you will be able to start dealing with it. It doesn’t matter what you tell yourself and why you do it. JUST STOP.

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Had a chance to “do it” last night but passed on the opportunity. Could it be I’m on my way? They say it gets easier and it does seem to so let’s see what the next couple of days has in store. I’m off tomorrow, which us usually a big trigger for me, so we will see if the urges are as strong as they used to be.

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How are you doing? Hope that you are back on track

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Thanks for the cheer. I feel quite pleased with myself. I had the opportunity to get a little bit in but actually made the conscious decision not to. I’d like to think that that is a step in the right direction and that I will be empowered to do so on a regular basis but I know it is just one day at a time for all of us that go 7 days or months, like you. I love the feeling if actually just picking up and doing a task. It may seem small to most but when you gamble from home you use up your free time, so getting something done can seem daunting. I just thought about doing it and I just did it. I havent been late to work in a long while as ivd been trying to control when I gambled, and I think i am starting to get more attention from the kids because i am much more available while at home. It’s a good start to a good road to be on.

Dont be too hard on yourself about all of the peripheral things in life. Get this licked and then tackle everything else with the same spunk that you did here. You’ll be running girl in no time.

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I am actually in day 8. Wow. You would think that that would not be so big a deal to me since I didnt start to gamble until I was 47, so it should not be such a big part of my everyday life. It is the time in between all of the daily activities that I have to fill now with something else. Because I have self excluded from every site I have been on now if I want to gamble I have to find a site that will accept me and register and make sure that they accept my payment methods and so on and so on. It’s a lot of work. I also have to get a computer to play on and that means asking the kids to lend me one. Not so easy. Even if I can get one I have to ask them to log on for me as i have told them not to let me have the passwords so that i dont “surf endlessly and waste my time”. Every step is a reminder that i dont have control so i slowly am backing away from even trying. It does get a little easier each day.

I was amazed yesterday how good it felt to have something to do and then just do it. 100% done. For the last couple of years i have had a list of things to do everyday that i would think about, start doing some but never finish anything. I would easily get overwhelmed by it all and just lose myself in gambling so that I wouldn’t have to think about it. I have a garden and a beautiful back deck this year that I can actually relax in. That’s worth all of the time I am giving up on the life sucking slots. I feel proud.

Hope everyone can enjoy that feeling of accomplishment that comes from choosing their life over their illness. It feels good.

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Hey TF;
I can understand both the not wanting your family to find out and the relief if they do. I am a single mom that has raised my kids from the time they were 18 months or so by myself. I have kept a job, the same horrible, demanding time sucking job for 30 years + and have managed to do alright for myself. I struggled through my teen years to self support and managed to graduate high school and get a few years of university under my belt before life took over and I had to work full time. I am very proud of what I have accomplished and didn’t start to put it all in jeopardy until a few years ago in my 50s. I wouldn’t want my family to lose respect for me . It’s just that simple and perhaps just that self defeating. I am going to try to defeat the beast without them knowing. If I fail then I shall try another way

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If you read on you will read that most of us have relapsed more than once. We all try. It’s not logical to think that you can give up years of behavior in one try. If you went 7 days without drinking then that is 7 days you didn’t drink! I have relapsed many times but if I go 7 days without gambling that is 7 days that I didn’t. Then I try for 10. Soon it will get easier and each time I fail I hope that I gain a little more resolve not to do it again. Sleep it off and try to replan the next week so that it does not happen again.

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What a beautiful day. I woke very late (9 is very late for me) and am going to do my gardening soon. Had a few drinks last night after work and was glad no one was home to log me on to a computer…. bad day at work. I work for a boss that makes me feel bad ; that’s the best way I can put it. I know her job inside out as I used to have the same job elsewhere and voluntarily took a demotion so I could work closer to home. Now I work for someone who really has no idea of what she is doing and treats me poorly because of it. I tried to help in the beginning and then just began to let her blow in the wind. The atmosphere is so “high schoolish ” that I want to scream. We aren’t young either, which makes it even worse. She had the nerve to text me this morning at 8 a.m. to ask for me to come in on my day off to help her out tomorrow so she can look more competent to her boss.. not happening. Some slot time would have been very tempting last night.
Hope that you have a great weekend and dont ever feel bad for enjoying some unorganized time to yourself. Me and the kids are going to enjoy some planting and sunshine. Screw work and how awful it frequently makes me feel.

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Was worried that you had given in to temptation. Know that even if you fail you can still try again. I’ve been 5 days now and will keep trying. Hope you find the love in yourself to say no to your urges

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I was off yesterday and spent the day in between garden centers and other errands so it was a great day. Got meals made and laundry done and went to bed without that nagging feeling that I had only half done things because I spent the day gambling online. It’s difficult not having something easy to fill the voids in time but good because I am free of the “pull” that would drag me down and back to play even more.  It’s funny that I would play for hours, and I mean 6 and 7 hours at a time but only enjoy the first hour or so. The “pull ” would keep me coming back to play more. I would get a headache so bad that it would mimic a hangover the next day but still just sit down and play more when the opportunity presented itself. That’s why I know its a brain chemical thing with me. Its adrenaline. Its dopamine. It all makes me feel good and I keep wanting more even though in the long run it makes me feel bad. 

   When I was on maternity leave I was a dynamo. Not a dirty dish in the house. It was run like a military base. I’ve always loved a clean house and order. Once I started with the gambling it all changed. I would struggle every day to get to work with all that I needed. My poor kids would be waiting for dinner. Maintenance was left until I had the day off and then I would gamble online the entire day stopping only long enough to throw in a load of laundry . I once even had to bring a session to work with me and was gambling on my breaks. I am unable to walk away while I have a dollar in my account. I dont know why. I am a reliable, responsible person with a good job  and loads of years under my belt. I’ve never turned my back on any responsibilities in my life and I’ve been working for 35 years. Why is this able to change my entire being into something I dont recognize? It’s scary. I need to get the old me back. I could probably loosen it up a little bit, but the gambling needs to go. Its funny; but on my honeymoon many years ago we were waiting for our room to be ready and were in a casino.  I was just walking around putting coins into the slots when I thought I had broken one because it stopped working. Turns out I had won a jackpot and on that day the monster was born. We went to our room and then proceeded to go back where I lost if all over to days.  My ex called the monster that took over me Gamblor and we both just chalkedi t up to the fact that  I had never been to a casino before and had gotten caught up in the fun. Move forward 15 years and then we find the monster again only he is in my house. I’ve never been able to gamble responsibly and never will. Hard to say  and even harder to deal with. Hope your weekend goes well and you check one more thing off your list. 

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Hey! Hope you didn’t  have to hard a time these last two days. Friday night can be a hard one to avoid drinking. Keep us up to date on your progress.

 

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Dear HABD;
I guess that I am fortunate (ha ha) to have made some doozies in my past. I have made a mess of my finances due to gambling and it may prevent me from early retirement as I had hoped, but it will get better. It will get better for you too. You will find a way out and feel the satisfaction of doing it yourself. So many people in the u.s. lost everything with the real estate crash in the mid 2008 period and they made their way back by starting over. Start over. Don’t live in the past. Make this a new beginning and the vision may be better. Looking back keeps/gambling fresh in your mind so forget it all and move on like it never happened. Debt is debt. Doesnt matter why you have it just know that 80% of us do

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Is all ok?

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Non voglio sembrare insensibile, ma se sta per accenderti la prima volta che commetti un errore con lui, non è la prima volta che fai quell'errore, ma è la prima volta con lui, allora forse non fa per te. Non sembra così solidale quando i chip erano bassi, ed è allora che hai bisogno che lo sia. Hai un problema, come molte persone. Cosa mi diresti se il mio ragazzo mi scaricasse per questo? Mantieni il tuo viaggio sulla strada giusta e tienilo nella parte posteriore della tua mente come qualcos'altro che hai perso con il gioco d'azzardo, ma non punirti più di quanto già hai. Un po' di comprensione fa molto. Molto più lungo di un calcio nei pantaloni che è tutto ciò che sembra essere in grado di condividere con te dopo che hai commesso un errore.

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Jeg mener ikke at lyde ufølsom, men hvis han kommer til at tænde på dig første gang du laver en fejl med ham- det er ikke første gang du lavede den fejl, men det er første gang med ham- så er han måske ikke noget for dig. Han lyder ikke så støttende, når chipsene var nede, og det er når du har brug for ham. Du har et problem, det samme som mange mennesker. Hvad ville du fortælle mig, hvis min kæreste dumpede mig over det her? Fortsæt din rejse på det rigtige spor, og hold ham i baghovedet som noget andet, du har tabt ved spil, men straffer ikke dig selv mere, end du allerede har. En lille forståelse rækker langt. Meget længere end et spark i bukserne, hvilket er alt, hvad han ser ud til at kunne dele med dig, efter at du har begået en fejl.

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