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My issue lies in the simple fact that I am not very good at saying no to me. When I want something, I get it. Fortunately I never want too much so I have been able to stupendous in my eyes for quite a while. Then, gambling knocked on my door. I need to recognize that I have to learn to say no. Like Steev has pointed out, if you were allergic to gambling and it overtly caused you physical harm that followed by financial stress, you would avoid it. Be allergic to it. Recognize that each time you partake, it will cause damage. No more delusions. Reality check time.

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If you have an account with the bank that is not accessible by bank card then you should be safe. I had one and then a mistake made it accessible and well you all know what happened. Report your credit cards missing – but not lost. Tell them to freeze them but not to send you a new one. That will buy you some time with the credit cards. If you have account ts that you use online then open an account that you have to use an  actual bank for and put some money in there. Hope it helps

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I’ve managed to slip into the double digits gf. The singles are easy at the beginning but getting close to the double digits and I usually would slip. Today I can write day 13 and I am knowing that I can commit to day 14,15,16 17 at this point because I am so busy that I can’t even find time. I did conquer the two days off , which I just finished, and with the help of gamban I did it effortlessly. I urge everyone who gets sucked into online play to try it for at least two weeks. They have a trial membership for two weeks minimum and it can be a godsend. If you have it on one device then open a new email and use it to register for a second device free. Do what you must. I couldn’t have made it this far without it and am thinking I might be able to make a month. Here’s hoping?!!!

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Just wanted to coin the phrase that tempts so many others. The odds are against you but I will cross my fingers. As far as your cards go, do you really need them all of the time? I decided that I didnt trust myself enough when I had them do I reported them all missing and told them not to send any to me until I was sure that they were gone. I gave only one that I cant use online. Put all of the stops in place that you can. I, too  used to think that I could do it without help and once I started cancelling cards and using gamban it got a lot easier. I know that in the back of your mind you are not doing these things because THEN YOU CANT GAMBLE . It’s hard to face until you give yourself some time and space. Just do whatever you must to limit yourself. You have to do it. Read the posts from others. Once you limit yourself and you cant, it gets easier.

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DON’T FALL FOR THAT TRICK AGAIN. The easiest way to get you playing is to get you to the site and give you a little taste. Its like drugs to an addict or alcohol to an alcoholic. Can’t have just a little bit. You need more help than you’ve allowed yourself so put gamban on your devices. You can get free trials if you dont have credit cards that you can use, then buy some prepaid cards later when the trial period runs out and make it more permanent. I had a computer (which I broke on purpose to try to break the cycle) but then went to my phone. Got gamban on that then started on my daughters computer. Got gamban on that. Then started on the iPad. Got gamban on that now and have had 11 free days. I will need to purchase the gamban for a year soon and I will do it using a prepaid since I dont have any credit  cards anymore to use. Even If the trial is only for two weeks it will give you time to heal and gather some strength. Two weeks without it still a good marker to start from, and when go  to your device after two weeks free, you will be in a better position to install it permanently. We all fall, lord knows we have the best of intentions. Just pick yourself up and start again. No great journey has ever been achieved without stops and starts. You’ve started, stopped, now just start again trying to go a little further this time. I will try too.

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I agree with Steev again in that I had more gastrointestinal issues while I was gambling then before, but I had them before the gambling too. I am a volatile person who reacts to stress in very adverse physical ways. At one point in my life, the stress was so severe that I developed a dairy sensitivity so severe that it became anaphylactic and I had to carry an EpiPen for a year. It just seem to dissipate when I moved from the location where I was transferred but I seem to have a predisposition to the issues now and gambling aggravated them profusely. I am enjoying the lack of affect now and hope that this too shall pass with everything else. Take care Steev

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I have noticed something rather odd today when journaling- I have been *****ing down the days that I have been gamble free only after the day has finished and hesitant to commit to today being number 11 in advance. I should be writing number 11 in today’s column as soon as I wake. That should be a commitment that I make at the beginning of each day, but it isnt. I have not actively been attempting to gamble but have not totally committed to not doing it either or I would *****  today as day 11 from hour 1? I’m not sure what this means to my recovery but I do think that it is something I should ask about. Anyone in the same boat?

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I am home today and keeping busy . That’s the key, of course, is keeping your mind and hands busy. I usually would have been a lump on the couch playing on line but decided to start activity as soon as i got up so as to avoid the inevitable “slide” from the news to the slots when i am online. I did watch a few videos and look at the circulars, and have plans to do a little shopping in a while. I hope that everyone has had a good week and that the day brings some of relaxation and not torment. I wanted to add a little note about looking online. I have begun to watch the videos that show up on youtube on the side panels, the ones that are “recommended”. I am glad that someone is looking out for me there, because I am getting lots of the videos that show people in financial crisis or lost everything due to gambling addiction, and it does put a little fear in me. I need to be the reason and sanity in my household. I am the only one. I never really feel like i am spending real money when i play, so seeing my accounts and the plight of others who have lost so much really does start to hit home. I am trying to go strong for week number two. Happy labor day weekend to all.

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I am on day 5 (I actually had to look it up because I’ve started and stopped so many times in the past few months that ive actually stopped myself from counting) and found a trick that had helped me easily stop even thinking about starting again. I had to go into my bank account and look up a transaction yesterday. I Never go into my accounts  because then I would see the transactions and the amount that I actually spent….but I had to and it made me sick to my stomach. Success. I am striving for one month of no transactions that j have to hide from. No emails that I have to delete (I play online) a and no lies that I have to tell. I will start this as of 5 days ago and keep the momentum going. Dont you want to feel good about something that you did (or didnt do, in this case?) Instead of feeling shame?  I am trying to assume that, like all other things  in life, this is a choice, we can make it or not, succeed or not, and continue or not. We have to take as much pride in not gambling as enjoyment from playing. It is something that we have to be conscious of, every waking moment, and deal with like it’s your life depending on it. I need to keep talking to you because it keeps the solution in the fore front of my mind and you need to keep pushing yourself to get help.in whatever form you can get it. The key is to do exactly what you have done and in that you have made great strives. Good job. 

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At the risk of sounding like I am minimizing anyone else’s pain or hardship, I have had a pretty rough go of it from the age of 13 (when I found myself in the care of the court) until now, and have always been able to sort through things on my own. I’ve been self supporting since the age of 15 and managed to keep a house and a family pretty well all on my own. I’ve held the same job for over 30 years ( something  to be proud of given the turmoil in my industry) and can soon retire and begin to wind down from the struggle. I have had some help along the way, as my parents are now more in the picture than ever before, but it has been me that I have looked to to find my way because only I can gauge what fits and what doesnt. I cant lie to myself and I can see, in an instant, what is possible in my closed world. I am not a loner in the traditional sense, but have little faith in those around me as I have been let down repeatedly by those who seek to further themselves. I have had issues before with things  such as this and managed to work out how best to deal with it in my own way and time. I appreciate that you are there, and others are there, but I am not quite where I indeed to be to counsel my way out. I will continue to check in and read posts, so thanks for the share. 

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I cant say that I’m stuck, I’m just feeling no real drive to do anything that really just involves me. Lose weight, meet someone new, take courses; nothing is sparking any interest in my brain. I dont know if it’s the gambling that has numbed my brain  or if I have just had enough of the ups and downs of relationships that I just  wont take the emotional turmoil anymore. I have done nothing to further my single status since the kicking out of my ex two years ago. We were together 7 years and they were not happy ones. I’m not good in relationships and have trouble keeping interested in being In a couple for very long. I’ve had intermittent periods of single status and remember them being the most productive times of my life. I am not ready and am not getting any younger, but this fact still doesnt move me at all. What if i wait too long? Is this why i gamble? Am i not facing the fact that i should be alone because that is what truly makes me happy? So many things to ponder. I will think about CAMH. You keep doing what  makes it work for you. I’ve heard that CAMH is fantastic but dont feel ready to take that road as of yet. There are things inside that I dont really want uncorked at this juncture of my life, as gambling may be a better option than dealing with all that. Thanks for the support.

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I’m the same way M. I start with watching the YouTube videos then I end up looking and doing all things innocent, then I am playing for real before I know it. Its like the old “bait and switch” routine but its our own brains tricking us  i to giving it what it wants. I gave gamban on EVERYTHING I can play on now. If I want to play I shall have to travel a great distance and I hope that will be enough of a deterrent to stop the slips. I will gave 2 hours to think about it before I get there. Hope this works too. The gym is a great idea to get you moving and make you feel better about yourself. Maybe I will start up again too. Best to you and stay strong 

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Hey everyone. Sorry no posts but just back from vacation and had no internet for two weeks. Spontaneous leave due to some scheduling conflicts at work so now I am back. I hope everyone is well and am hoping to read through all your posts in the next couple of days

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I began therapy a few years back when I first acknowledged that I had a gambling issue and the first thing that we addressed was my work stress. I was an employee of many years of managerial seniority when a turn in the dynamics of my workplace made the job a survivalist nightmare and I just couldn’t handle the politics and backstabbing. It took years for me to step down( I had always hoped that it would change again) but I finally released myself and hoped that the problems that were caused by the stress would ease. I now work for someone who has little experience and was a convenient replacement and she knows that I know she is not cutting it. She is a narcissist who lashes out quickly and tries to blame a lot on me- which others see through quickly. This only serves to anger her more and I get the brunt of it. I am quick to stand up for myself and it’s not that I feel in jeapordy, it’s that I take an immense amount of pride in my job and it hurts to be unappreciated. I am working through it and hope to be able to pull up her smirking face in my mind every time I think of gambling from now on. Hope you are feeling empowered today.

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Thanks for the support  Meghna but NOT so well done indeed. I was 8 days and then had an anxiety ridden day and list my sanity for but a few hours. I corrected as quickly as I could, but when it hits me(the anxiety attacks, not the gambling) I am a total mess. Its all I can think about and my intestines churn. I have gastrointestinal disorders as well when the anxiety hits, which makes it even more physical and harder to ignore. I hate to say that, after an hour or so of gambling the anxiety had subsided ( then it was replaced with self loathing for giving in). I have been to doctors regarding the anxiety and it seems to be part of a hormonal cycle that hits once a month. It was pretty bad but not always so intense as this one. It’s no excuse, but my work has always been a nasty source of stress and anxiety and I still havent figured out how to deal with the lowest lows  when they hit. I’m happy to note that I am back on track and hoping that I will have at least one more month before I have to face it again. I am going to try extra hard the next week to hit 14 days with little effort. I did 8 and it was so nice. I have plans for my day off already so that I will not be at home for most of the day. On the up side, my boss, who caused all of the stress this past weekend by enjoying a paid mini vacation that was unplanned, is going to dealt with by the big boss ( I have way too many bosses) and I am looking forward to that. Justice will be strong and swift.

Hope you are doing well and that you can find strength wherever you can.

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