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How are you doing?
I think about the times that I had to run to the market to get pre paid cards to play online. The embarassment of buying hundreds of dollars worth and knowing that they wouldnt last me long.Trying to think about where else i could go that I hadnt been ina while… I think about the humiliation of looking at my account and seeing “electronic transfer” charges over and over until my account was thousands into the negative.What they must think of me at the bank. I hoped and hoped that i wouldnt have to go to a teller and have her look at my transactions. I think back to these things and more… the credit card statements, overdrawn accounts. How great it is to be two months free of the bank charges. No more credit card issues (no more credit cards). No running to the store, annoyed that i would have to wait an hour or so to continue playing. Try to remember all of these feelings too and give them as much attention as you give the yearnings. Its only fair and it will help you in the long run. Feel pride in what you havent done at the same time you feel shame over what you have and eventually the havents will feel stronger than the haves. Thats recovery.
Like to hear that all is well…. Hope that you are in your 30’s (gf days that is) by now and that you are looking toward a positive outcome to all this struggle….
As a group, we care for and about each other and want each other to succeed, That in itself makes you more deserving of a good life than a lot of people I know that seem to revel in other peoples misery and pain. You are so right in your logic that you did take 10 years to get into this mess, and it will take some time to get out. Failure on any plan usually occurs due to lack of patience or planning.You seem to be on the right track. the best track. and if you keep your eyes trained on where you want to go (I learned that in training for my mototrcycle licence) you will go where you look, so look only where you want to go. I have my days where i somehow trick myself into thinking fondly of the casino that I always hated going to (once I actually got there, that is) and start to want to play a game or two to feel that excitement again. I dont have people triggers, I have no people triggers- alone time stirrs me to want to relax and play online where I can talk to the game and myself. I have my favorites and miss them at times, but they are just stupid games. Its like being o.k. to lose everything I have worked all these years for to play solitaire and win!!!! Its just a game. Its just a game. Anyways, I have been playing the “see how little i can live on” game now and then, and even go online to see how other cheapskates can live on less and less. It can be a new challenge, but also a distraction. Give yourself more than you need in $$ to live on and live for less, pocket the difference, and build a reserve. New game. New results. Find out how you are motivated and work with that. I like challenges. I played the same slots over and over until I won as much or got the most I could and that was that. It wasnt about money, so my recovery requires me to find something to replace it with. I hope that you are not finding it too hard to make it through. I know that you can do this. You just have to have patience and give yourself a break.If you fall, as we all do, just remember that lapse means “a temporary failure of concentration, memory, or judgment.” When we relapse, it is a temporary thing. We just get up, brush ourselves off and try harder next time.
In 2008 to 2010 hundreds upon thousands of people lost their homes, their businesses and their famiies ith the market crash in the u.s. and abroad. There are always people losing their savings, their livelihoods, and their trust for any number of reasons but they find the will and the strength to start over and triumph over adversity. It takes time and patience.Much like with obesity and weight loss, you didnt get this way overnight and you wont change it that way either. You have been gambling for a decade. How would you and your finances look if you stopped for that long? Want it, plan for it and execute it and it will be. Thinkabout it, question it and forget it, it will not be. Like Yoda says, “There is no think, only do”. Feel sorry for that person who gave into the obsession for 10 years and then say good bye. Its not impossible to change, you just have to be strong enough and inventive enough to make it happen.
В 2008–2010 годах сотни и тысячи людей потеряли свои дома, свой бизнес и свои семьи из-за обвала рынка в США и за рубежом. Всегда есть люди, теряющие свои сбережения, средства к существованию и доверие по любому количеству причин, но они находят волю и силу, чтобы начать все сначала и победить невзгоды. Это требует времени и терпения. Как и в случае с ожирением и потерей веса, вы не добились этого в одночасье, и вы тоже не сможете это изменить. Вы играете в азартные игры уже десять лет. Как бы вы и ваши финансы выглядели, если бы остановились так долго? Хотите, планируйте это и выполняйте, и это будет. Подумайте об этом, подвергните сомнению и забудьте об этом, этого не будет. Как говорит Йода: «Не думай, только делай». Почувствуйте жалость к человеку, который на 10 лет увлекся этой одержимостью, а затем попрощайтесь. Это не невозможно изменить, просто нужно быть достаточно сильным и изобретательным, чтобы это произошло.
That’s great that you understand when you get them and deal with it accordingly. Keep thinking about the debt but dont obsess. You didnt get there in one day so you won’t get out in one day. I have the pleasure of looking at a bank statement this month and NOT SEEING WITHDRAWL, WITHDRAWL, WITHDRAWL. It is the first month in a long time with no electronic transfers for online deposits and it feels so good. By the end of this month I will have two full months clean on the statement. I may not be in a much better state financially than two months ago but its definately not worse. I am inching my way back to good at the same time that I am putting the brakes on descending into the financial abyss. Focus on the latter too. You are no longer falling and that is great. Once you stabilize you can begin the ascent to a higher ground. Just get your footing, collect yourself and make a plan to get back up. Think of it as rock climbing. You’ve fallen. Start again.
I would go crazy if I had access to gamble every day. Good that you self excluded. It would never gave worked out otherwise. Are there any steps that you could take to have them limit your access to your funds for a while so that you have a double barrier in place? Take whatever steps are necessary to keep access to a minimum and you will be much better off both financially and spiritually in the end. Good work. It is hard.
Good to hear that you are doing so well Meg and that you are feeling up so that you can enjoy your pregnancy. Good vibes for the new life is what is best. I understand about the regret and the feelings that we must look back at what we’ve lost, but do not dwell on it. Life is full of regrets of all kinds but we must move forward and not make the same mistakes again. Sometimes i feel like thinking about the money lost is another way for our minds to draw us back in to try to recoup our losses, and I try not to let it bother me. I have too lost a lot from cg, and sometimes cry when I think about what I’ve done, but I know that I must keep moving forward and make the best of the situation I am in. Always remember there are so many others in worse situations and that where you are isnt really all that bad. I watch documentaries about poverty and people living paycheck to paycheck and thank God I was able to stop when I did. I know it is a cliche but there so many others worse off than you and I so let’s do our best to appreciate our situations and our efforts and enjoy another day gf.
I am not in my 20s or 30s anymore do the prospect of having a lifetime to dig myself over and over does not exist. I am 54 and at the age where I would have liked to retire early, as I have been working since the age of 16 and now 35 years for the same company. My life plans for the golden years of my life have had to change dramatically and I have just started gambling ro the point it was an issue less than 5 years ago. I cant imagine what it would be like if I had started at your age. You have to know that things will never get any better if you dont accept that YOU CANT GAMBLE. I try to think about alcoholics or drug addicts. They probably wonder what it would be like to be you, having no urge to drink or partake in substances. How good your life must be not having their problem. How easy it would be if they could just wake up and have no issue dealing with not doing drugs or drinking. You dont have that issue, you have another that not a lot of people have. You could be the person that wakes up and doesnt have to deal with strong urges to gamble every day, you just have to make it through a clean patch of time to start the healing process. Your brain needs to be rewired and adjust and it will, in time. If you are out in the oil field, then make sure you have no access to bet and it will be easier. We make it hard on ourselves by leaving open opportunities to do it out of fear that if we close all avenues, we will panic if we really need to gamble. Does it make sense for the alcoholic to have a little stash “just in case” they feel like a drink? I know the only thing that works for me is to have no access to online and limited (4 hour travel time) to a land based casino. I still have days where I try in vain to get around the gamban and fail. But I’ve failed at trying, not failed by gambling and there is a big difference. The urges get weaker and life resumes without it. I used to be so organized and obsessive about my home, but that was one of the first things to go with the cg. I am getting back on track put in a deck and fence last summer and new garden and patio furniture this year. Watching other parts of your life grow and prosper is good fodder for abstinence and it will all happen in good time. I am starting on me soon as I have “let myself go” due to feelings of inadequacy from cg, and I feel that I deserve some of the time that I used to give those stupid spinning reels back. I hope that you can find the spark inside you that will light the fire. You need the fire because its do hard to beat this thing with only a spark to light the way. No, you can’t gamble, maybe never again. It is one day af a time, as life is. All growth, all renewal, all life is. One day at a time.
You are new to the site, but others, like me have had many day ones. Relapses are a reset and if you are ok with starting back at square one over and over then give in to your urges. My personal feeling is that you dont sound like someone who will want to have to admit defeat then start from the beginning all over again. It is humiliating to let a whim control your success. It gets easier with time and when the urges come you have to make sure that you have blocks in place to stop you. I am 2 days shy of two months gf and was trying to get around my gamban yesterday. I had a period where I may have faultered if I had access and luckily I had none. Dont put yourself starving in front of a table full of food you shouldn’t eat. That’s what gambling is to me. It’s a diet that I need to stay on to save my life, so I’m not going to tempt myself. Same goes for you. You may never stop the urge completely but as long as you take the steps necessary to block access, you have a fighting chance. Good luck to you.