[berber]

My friend! How are you, your daughter and your husband?

I hope good. Your little girl must be growing a lot! My children are well, daughter so sweet and son hitting a new phase: almost two so time to rebel. Please know that I am thinking of you, it would be so nice to chat withyou again sometime. Maybe next week ? Filakia xxx B.

[berber]

Dear all,
Our family is doing well, thanks again for thinking of us 🙂
We are searching for a ‘balance’ still, and sometimes it seems as though my husband cannot find his ‘role’ in our home. It is as though he is searching for a purpose in his life.

To me my purpose is clear, now more than ever: I am a mom of two small children and taking care of them is my number one priority. I can tell he also wants to put them in the 1st place, but cannot always as he will be too ‘tired’ to change a diaper, or he has to run off to a GA meeting right at dinner time (without prior notification).

I am quite certain he is still gamble free but I also wish for him to get up in the morning with goals and a feeling of meaning. I DO see in him a great father and head of our household, hope he would for once see it himself too.

Hope this makes sense…

B.

[berber]

Hi Sade,

Welcome to this community, I hope you will feel as supported as I did (and do!) since I first found this website.
The more you learn about the addiction, the better you can cope with it – I find. I learned that behind the “beast”, my husband is still the loving, wonderful person I knew: his low self esteem, insecurity and negative self image were things I had not realized he had.
Every day we are taking things 1 day at a time, which works well for us.
Sending you a big hug,
X
Berber

[berber]

Thanks Madge, for your post. I had read it the day you wrote it but had not come around to reply sooner. It still *is* difficult to deal with my hb looking at porn sometimes, but when I feel strong I can stop myself from worrying too much about it. Lately I have been feeling quite strong, especially since I am due any day within the next 5 weeks to deliver our second child (we have a son, expecting a daughter now) so I am focussing on *me* more and on *my* health/wellbeing instead of my husband’s.

He needs to walk the walk, which I think he is doing. He switched to another type of medication now – to help with his ADD and help him focus on the task at hand (his studies, for example). I am not sure what to think, since he does not always involve me in his feelings. He does ‘share’ his feelings with ‘fellow recovering addicts’ regularly (twice per week at least) at the GA meetings he goes to. I am glad, when he comes home he seems relieved and calm.

Sending you strength and love.
X
B.

[berber]

Hi Ell!

Hope YOU are doing at least as OK as your husband. I too visit this website a lot still, and it helps to read the lovely posts.
Filakia and thinking of you!
X
B.

[berber]

Hi all,

Thanks Charles-yes, we have spoken before and I really appreciate your comments. I support my hb going to his GA groups-but he has not gone the past 2 weeks. Today he was not balanced (I thought “ah,well..we all have such days…tomorrow is better”) and he admitted to me that when he was supposedly studying upstairs today – something caused him to check out porn online. Of course I got upset as this is OLD behavior. He then said that he had not done that during his entire recovery except … On New Years Eve. I can’ t look inside his brain (phew!) but I know that his dad was yelling at him yesterday after a conflict he had had with his sister over the phone…things got heated and meanwhile he has exams this week. I am expecting things from him, (but thank God my health is going much better so I feel strong & capable to cope with things) so this stress is triggering his mind to respond in OLD ways.

He acknowledges this and promised to work more on himself as of next week when exams are over. We shall see, I think.

He recently went out for a game of pool after the GA meeting (isn’t that a bit weird? Especially since he shares very personal things with those people). And one guy tried to pick a fight with him… He is not one to stick up for himself or engage in the situation (afraid for rejection from the group) and came home feeling bad. The next day he told me what had happened and I encouraged him to confront that guy with his feelings. He did so, via sms, and felt relieved and stronger after.
He set his boundaries!

Hope to chat soon.
X

B.

[berber]

Dear friends,
Let me start off by wishing everyone a wonderful 2014!
I hope to chat again soon, as my hb and I are on very different wavelengths. He hears things come out of my mouth that I never said and I can tell his mind is distorting things.

Christmas was the best in many years, New years Eve definitly the worst. We cant have it *all* but I hope my hb finds his balance again and I can stay strong. I have some health issues and cannot rely on him, now.
Ciao for now

B

[berber]

Hi all,
I really felt like writing a positive story after my hb, our son and I took a very nice city trip last week. After a rough start (husband would not budge & leave on time, causing stress) we had a lovely time and felt closer than in a long time.

He’s been gamble free for 9 months, which I believe, as he is quite proud of this (as am I).
All was good, until last evening – when (apparently) he was feeling stressed out and decided to yell at me for ‘putting too much pasta on his plate’ and ‘interrupting his tv show’ – trivial stuff but obvious to me that his mind is overloaded. He cannot handle stress at all lately.

My response was quite calm (but hurt) and I did not speak to him for the rest of the evening.
I understand the stress, but not his behaviour. This morning he continued to be rude and I have the feeling there’s something going on (maybe a conversation with his father that got out of hand) but he is not letting me ‘in’ (yet).
Other than this, I’m feeling quite good and especially in letting him be responsible for his own life/actions and not taking on his stress upon myself 🙂
Makes me feel more calm.
XXX
B.

[berber]

Thanks Madge, your post made me feel all warm inside! Sending you a big hug.xxx

[berber]

Hi!
Just a short note to give you an update. I have started pottery classes which are superfun, inspiring but unfortunately very difficult to fit in my/our schedule. I hope to continue but it’s not sure yet. I made a hollow Lemon which I am going to paint and bake, I like the saying how “when life throws lemons at you, squeeze them and make lemonade” … Teeheehee

My husband has been picking up his studying really well… Working on assignments for hours and hours (sometimes even into the night) while I have no more time to myself. I want to see it as an investment, that he passes his courses, but,.. in my opinion he’s exaggerating. He looks stressed and cranky and it’s almost as if he’s back at his compulsive behavior. Except with gambling, he’s now devouring books! Not sure what to do about it, but I think it’s time we sit and talk about this. Soon!

Have a good afternoon all.
X
B.

[berber]

Dear all,
Since a few weeks my hb has been taking ADD medication and it seems to help him calm down and concentrate on tasks ahead. He has less mood swings (and so do I!) and I am feeling much happier than ever before in our marriage. We just found out that we will be having a baby girl in March and are totally thrilled about that.

Our son is doing well also, he’s a little rascal and fills my days with joy.

I keep seeing a therapist every 2-3 weeks for approx. 30 mins to an hour. She asked me last time if I was angry. I said “well, I’m not. How can I be? My hb has not chosen for this illness to happen to him and nor have I.” She said “Well, I can imagine you still being angry. It doesn’t have to be his fault but his actions have hurt you. It would be perfectly understandable if you are angry.” So I just thought, well, I’m not – I’m not an angry-type person so I can’t be.

Turns out: I realized a few days ago that after that session something happened in my head. I had in fact been angry! And now I could accept that of myself and let it go. On my previous thread I remember writing (in July of this year) that I was not angry lalala..but.. in fact. I was. I was furious with the injustice that had been done to me. But now, that I can let it go…I feel relieved.

It’s been about a year since God guided me to this website (I have no other explanation) and I feel very greatful! Thank you all for helping my family move forward.
Hope to chat again soon!
xxx
B.

[berber]

Dear Adele,

I finally came ’round to reading your latest posts and about your visit to the

therapist. I feel very connected to you, as I have learned so much about Gambling

Addiction thanks to this website and it can be difficult to explain to others what we know. The counselor my husband is seeing seems a bit ignorant too sometimes but he thinks she’s very smart and he helps her so I don’t voice my opinion.

I too wish I could join in a live meeting with y’all with snacks, juice (instead of wine) and just talk, listen, laugh, cry and give you a big hug.
Keep up your emotional recovery, dear Adele, you are doing really well!

XXX
B.

[berber]

Thanks San and Monique, that you keep writing and venting. It helps to read your posts and love how you are taking up activities for YOU. I loved dancing, have not done so in forever and I feel the urge to start painting (probably not very good at it) and you know what? I am going to just DO IT. This week I will buy paint and find out where I can take dancing classes. Thanks again, have a wonderful week! XXX Berber

[berber]

Dear all,

It’s been a while since I posted. Things have been going so-so, ups and downs. May have to do with my pregnancy hormones as well, and the fact that my hb has started taking meds/ritalin. He still sees his counselor (approx.) once per week, sometimes every fortnight and he’s still gamble free. The other day he snapped at me after both of us having a bad night’s sleep (yes, the baby is teething still!) and accused me of ‘sneaking off’ to work early and basically taking ‘me time’ instead of hanging around until the baby had breakfast and fell asleep again, and me having to rush out the door. I was so hurt by that comment; especially because I do SO MUCH for our family every day that those 30 minutes ‘me time’ should have been granted to me, times 10! All day it took me to get over it, I had the worst negative thoughts ever, even feeling quite depressed and thinking ‘what a sad life I have like this’ which is very unlike me.
Anyway, that day passed and the weekend came which was nice.
Hope to chat in a group soon – time flies and somehow I remember too late about group sessions. Have a great day!
xxx
B.

[berber]

Well done dear Ell. I understand the feeling of fear ‘what IF it happens again?’… I too am struggling with it. But my husband and I tell each other daily that we love eachother – it helps me to reconnect. I’ll write again soon on my own thread, for now : FILAKIA! XXX B.

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