[Badsportsbettor]

Well here I am, another day another non bet. I can’t really say I have thought about it a whole bunch. To be honest tho that’s how I have always been, it’s when I get into betting and have money to burn is when it happens. Right now, I don’t have much extra income and anything I am making I am putting towards debt. I am still disgusted at things and I know I have to forgive myself at some point but this is the biggest motivation and reminder to not gamble again.

I went back to G.A. again last night and that was really helpful and am already looking forward to the meeting next Wednesday.

Booked another appointment with my counsellor and am going to try and work on myself because this gambling problem is deeper then just doing it on a whim.

And I really have to deal with this break up / struggles with my girlfriend properly or I know it will send me in a spiral again.

I said in my GA meeting last night that fights and arguments in my relationship would trigger me to gamble which it did last week. One of the senior members kinda called me out on that and asked me to reflect because she used to do that. And realized that she would use that as an excuse to gamble when she was bad in her addiction. And iv really been thinking about that. And truth is it kinda is like that. I get in an argument and just say fuck it, who cares anymore. I need to stop doing that, because arguments and conflict are a part of every single day.

Thanks
I’ll take 24 and passing 24 on to you!

[Badsportsbettor]

i have read this over and over because there is truth to that. It really is hard to find a good woman. The hard thing I am dealing with now is that I have screwed things up so bad I can feel her dislove for me now. It’s not only the gambling thing, we have other issues going on, very large ones. Its tearing at me because she is my best friend and looking at it I’ve really ruined something great. For reasons I can’t even explain still. And the sad feeling I have is I will never be able to fix it and make it how great it was. I’ve tarnished that and hate it.

[Badsportsbettor]

Thanks for the find words everyone. I understand we need to move on from the past. Just sadly right now I am living in a financial wreck and have a bunch of things to deal with and they are all coming up on me.

Me and my gf are breaking up and I have to find a place to move to and don’t really have the extra funds to get a place I really want and that’s really discouraging.

But I am moving on. I’ve been on days off from work right now have been really doing not a whole lot other then reading and trying to fight any urges. Every time I have felt something I have distracted myself with video games or calling a friend.

I just really hope it all gets easier. I know it’s a super long road and I just feel like I don’t know where to start to make it all better. That being said I know my step one every day is not to place any bets. And hope the rest gets easier from that.

I will be going back to G.A. today and I’m excited for that, I need it.

[Badsportsbettor]

Hey man just checking in to see how you have made out?

[Badsportsbettor]

Well it isn’t much but starting to put some days together. Sitting here being disgusted at the situation I have put myself in again.

Not going to forget about it this time as soon as I get to a bit of breathing room like I have done many times before.

No thoughts of gambling to be honest today. Just a lot of disgust and displeasure with what I have done.

[Badsportsbettor]

i have started to realize that not everyone is in a situation like mine and I have an opportunity to become very successful in life. I keep looking back and being upset about how much I have wasted. But part of me trying to move on is realizing I need to move forward from this. As I look back and reflect I have never had myself in a terrible hole from gambling until recent. But over the last 10-12 years without a doubt I have kept myself at par and have had to struggle sometimes from it. I am really learning that if I want to have a good life I need to stop this now for my future. I have accepted the fact that 2 years is really next to nothing. If I keep this up I will turn that way worse.

[Badsportsbettor]

Yes you are extremely right. Some of the worst things this addiction brings is it turns us into liars and steals our true selves. The amount of time I have blown off with friends and family is just sickening! The thing about getting free of this addiction is we need to be kind on ourselves and realize nothing we change about the past but today. We can own today. Then today turns into tomorrow and we can own that 2, and before we know it we have 30 days. And keep on going.

[Badsportsbettor]

Thanks everyone for your support. I am truly working on being happy every day and just tackling the day ahead. One of my largest fears is looking forward and how long this venture will take to clean my mistake of gambling debt. But I am trying to tell myself that this is a life long venture. Sure it might take me 1-2 years to clear myself and be debt free. But even then I will only be 30 and have so much time to build everything and have anything I want.

Thanks Berta you are right I need to eliminate my access and will be downloading a blocker on my phone. I did this in the past on my laptop and iPad but not my phone. It must have been because in the back of my mind I still wanted to gamble.

One of the hardest problems I have right now is the fact that a large trigger for me is sports betting. And to be honest with you watching and enjoying sports is my largest hobby in life. I am thinking I might need to almost stop watching sports for the year until I have my brain recorrected. I have a constant hobbit of going on my sports app and even if I am not betting guessing who will win or cover a spread. As of today I am deleting the app.

Thanks everyone today is a new day and I’m going to focus on kicking it’s ass.

[Badsportsbettor]

Hey just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this journey. This addiction is real. And we as a community need to work together to stop it. Sending you strength and hope!

[Badsportsbettor]

Hey

so unfortunately I was doing well for a bit again and started to be scared of the amount of debt I have made for myself:(

the truth is is I make good money at my age but I really have to sacrifice a lot to get it. I work out in the oilfield and it’s not an easy life. Long days and nights of 14-16 hr shifts in all the elements. And I started to think to myself It will take you years to pay this off with so much sacrifice. This made me slip up yet again. But today is a new day and I am going to stop for good. I have finally started to realize that this will actually kill me if I continue.

i met with a finiancial advisor about my next steps because I was considering bankruptcy or debt proposal but unfortunalky because I make enough money it would make zero sense to do so.

so this sadly will be my day one all over again:(

i am going through some problems with my girlfriend where we are about to break up and this stress pushed me to gamble again over the weekend. I need to learn I cannot do this anymore. If I keep this up it will be the end of me and I know it. The lows I feel from gambling are so severe. And the spans I have had when I become free from it I remember how much better life can be.

thanks for listening everyone

[Badsportsbettor]

Thanks again Murr

Your messages keep me going. It is really hard to sit back and think about how long this will take. I started going back to GA and one of the older guys said to never say the word forever because it really is hard on your mind to grasp that. it really is an every day thing. And to just break  down into 24 hour periods and that really has been helpful to me. Ok I can beat today. And then tomorrow will be a new challenger but I can take that on 2. I also started going to therapy to talk about all the other stuff causing hard times in my life. Lots of stuff that I have just always pushed off in life. But as I get older I am realizing bottling it up just turns into these big problems like I have now, they are side effects of other things. 

Anyways thanks again man, this is how we keep moving on, through strength and understanting that we are not alone in this.

[Badsportsbettor]

Hey

Just wanted to let you know I know your feelings exactly. Sports betting is my crutch. I am currently working on beating it. And I understand your mention of just performing better at every aspect of life. I find myself doing better at my work, and taking pride in relationships and friendships. I used to have a time when I would always in the back of my mind be thinking how’s that game doing, like to the point I would fake going to the bathroom so I could check my phone.

I found that deleting any sports apps off my phone has helped so its a hassle if I have an inquiry about the scores of something. My hardest part is I still love sports and now I feel like something is missing because I have a hard time even watching them now without it sparking interest in gambling.

Keep staying busy it is the key. When you have a craving to gamble go for a walk without a phone or any technology and just focus about the hurt it has done. Things like this help me.

[Badsportsbettor]

Your line about not wanting to live anymore really spoke to me. And reminding me that it’s just money and I will be able to get it back. It’s hard to face that I will have to work my butt off to get back out of it. But I am really starting to see that if I don’t stop the gambling I will always be chasing this uphill battle. 

Thanks for your replies they mean the world to me Right now and really have already put a positive light for me today. 

today was a hard day for me. Again like I mentioned I work away in camps for work, not being able to see my girlfriend and family sometimes missing out on thanksgiving weekend. So I relapsed into gambling once again. And finally after a bunch of ups and downs again I realized how much it consumes me. Like watching the game updates on my phone at work, being distant from everything but the game. And then all the swings of how you think your going to win then loose so bad last minute which happened to me today. I finally am in realization that this can’t keep going. And I keep thinking omg it’s going to take years maybe to pay off my debt. But I need to realize this is the rest of my life. I need to change this forever. 

I am having a hard time because I am just a huge sports but. And now I feel like I have lost a part of me. And when I was almost 3 months gamble free I was fine when sports weren’t on in the summer. And I should have known as soon as they came back on I would falter. Just really trying to find a way to shift my focus onto other things when for so long that has been my passions.

[Badsportsbettor]

Thanks for the response

i know its some weird thing but it actually helps knowing people are in hard spots like me. It drives me nuts. I think part of my problem is I want to be financially succeful so bad. And I do make good money but it’s insanely long hours out in the oilfield away from friends and family and I think part of that has caused my problems. My job I have a lot of down time and I used to gamble as an excitement to kill time. And now sadly that has become such a huge part of me. Just out working nights something that would help “get me by” was sports betting. 

Now after I have hitten rock bottom again, I realize all the problems it has caused with my emotional regulation. The highs and lows make me want to die almost. 

I just really wish i didnt put myself In such a huge hole. Now I feel like I will never dig out. Like I am almost considering bankruptcy to start over wich kills me. But I don’t know what else to do:(…..I just feel like I have wasted so much of my life and I could have had myself so great and set up by now.

[Badsportsbettor]

yes I don’t want that to be me. I don’t want to be the me that I am now with the debt I have accumulated but I also do know that I have a chance if i stop it now. I am fortunate that I have the chance to dig myself out, it will take alot of work, and very hard work but I am facing that I can do it. I just really have to not bet. Hours ago I just found myself urgently wanting to bet again thinking that will be my only way to fix this. I calmed myself out of it and reminded myself it’s not true. And I have been close to getting myself out by gambling then slowly pissing it back away and feel even more distressed because I didn’t just take the money and call it even. I am at terms I have a problem and can never gamble again.

thanks

[Author]

Posts