[astrofly21]

G Rec,

You can do this – I have read so much of your entries – you have the mindset, and you have your methods down pat for what you need to do.

I have lapsed a couple of times since last year (am at day 20 right now), and I know one thing is for certain: You can only control one day at a time. Make a promise to be better than you were yesterday.

Let this lapse be a minor one, learn from it, and lets move on. Together!

[astrofly21]

At day 15 now – a lot of triggers throughout the day – somehow I made it through, but I was really close to breaking down. I spoke to a good friend and my family though, and that helped keep my mind of things. I read on another forum to ask yourself in these types of situations – “and then what”? You can predict what the future consequences will lead to, right back to the hole that you started with. I don’t want that.

[astrofly21]

Glad to hear this!

[astrofly21]

At day 12, and its been a really weird one so far.

Woke up this morning with so many thoughts in my head which included gambling.

I started thinking of ideas as to what I can do to get back into it.

Then I stopped myself fortunately before placing a online casino bet.

This disease is a beast to handle, but I have to be better and it always starts with my mindset.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by astrofly21.

[astrofly21]

At day 8 – glad to have made it through the week – which I know from previous experience is a tough one to do. Each day that I do not gamble makes me better. I keep on repeating that, and hope for many more days to come.

[astrofly21]

Looks like you have the clarity that you need to responsibly deal with payday! Keep going with your gamble free days!

[astrofly21]

At day 5 today, and I was reminded of the serenity prayer during a recent podcast – so thought I would write it as my journal entry. Not a tremendously religious person by any means, but can always relate to the words.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things i can and wisdom to know the difference”

[astrofly21]

Awesome to hear this Craig! It takes a strong will power to avoid that bet temptation. It seems harmless but its so deceiving as we know where it can lead to.

One step at a time, one day a time – we can be better right?

[astrofly21]

Completely agree to that G Rec! We will not let this set back get in the way of what needs to happen.

[astrofly21]

Got through today – that feeling is still there though, the sadness of losing, disbelief that I let things happen the way it did, and even worse – ideas as to how to get it all back (which is so stupid).

It really hurt at the time, but eventually my mind let it go for a bit as I focused on other things.

I know that it will be like this for a while, but another post reminded me that its one day at a time to get better.

[astrofly21]

Hi there Craig,

Your post exactly describes what I am going through right now as well. Some of the words that really resonated with me – “taking it one day a time”, “Tired” “My family deserves better, and quite frankly, I deserve better” “Gambling has affected my health, my family, my finances, my career and my overall well being in a negative manner”.

I have been here before many times, but nothing has lasted more than a couple of months. Its tiring to know that I can make the same mistake over and over, without hesitating. It ends up being worst than the previous time around. I never imagined myself to be in such a situation, nut I really want this time to change. I want to be able to know that I can overcome this disease, and confidently know that for a better future.

But we both need to ensure that we do everything possible to get there, and ensure that we do not get complacent throughout the journey. I don’t have all the answers, but I know that I will do more this time around (zoom meetings, financial limits, talking with others, posting more consistently)

Know that you are not alone in any way, and thank you for starting your post.

[astrofly21]

Hi there Kin – you do speak the truth in your words! All started with a harmless thought- “this will not be a problem”, “I can control this”, “I am better now”. What has it really given me? A bigger setback. I am getting older each day, and this cannot be the memories that i carry into the next century. I know that this is not me, and I need to put in a better effort in rediscovering my non gambling self.

I have the links for the zoom meetings, and have been listening to some testimonials transcripts on other peoples experiences. I know this is an early day as its my day two (which is all too familiar to me). I am familiar with that feeling that I want to change, but what I need to do is be in touch with this feeling throughout the upcoming days. Keep that energy, and drive towards fixing myself. I need to continue this momentum so that I can truly make it work (not just some lip service – I need to believe it in it). It needs to be a dedicated process, and a promise that I do not break.

Thank you again for writing to me – I really appreciate it.

[astrofly21]

Oh I hate myself for posting this, but its my day one again.

I did well for a couple of months, and well it all came crashing down yesterday as I let things slip.

Again I was somebody that I did not recognize trying to gain everything back. Things were going well with the gamban application i set up, but then an opening came as it was not on my cellphone. I was also watching a lot of gambling streams – probably because I was bored. Seeing that, made me think – I am sure I can do that too (even though I knew better)!

The thought process was stupid, and I am not in a better place, its another financial setback. I need to do more. I can say that I am happy that I made it to the two plus months that I did, but I am ashamed that I let myself falter and fail – all in one night. I can do so much damage financially – those high losses are starting to become a norm, and it sets me back (both present and future).

I want to do better, and become a better version of myself.

[astrofly21]

HI there Darkenergy, 

Thank you so much for the thoughts, and you are absolutely right – its time to focus on myself and improve. One day at a time, my situation will get better as long as I keep on the right track. By default, my finances will follow as well. 

[astrofly21]

Today is a day that I mixed feelings about – payday…

It gives me a chance to look at my balance, and pay my bills accordingly. Which I did without any hesitation.

I am disgusted and saddened with the damage that I have done to my bank account in the past months. So many ins and outs that could have been avoided, as it was all gambling related.

Yet… I am hopeful and dare to say… a little bit happy? at the same time. I was able to pay off a bit of my debt, and I am in a better position than where I was two weeks ago. That thought of – “I could get this all back with gambling” is still there, and even darker thoughts creep up in the back of my mind on how to scheme my way to fix all of this.  But I know that this will go away, and that this is not WHO I AM as a person, friend, family, example. I will not let these thoughts win, not this time. Slowly but surely, I will get over this, and WIN in a different way. 

These were my thoughts for Day 17 gamble free.

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