[asdfghost]

Day 23.

Also, hi kin! Thanks for your supportive words. I greatly appreciate them.

[asdfghost]

Day 16.

[asdfghost]

07.03.25 – Day 0

It’s all over again.

[asdfghost]

I even envy you a bit. That must feel amazing to live each day without a tiny bit of worry about wasting money, time, and losing your mind in such a destructive activity that kills you, slowly but surely. I wish I had much more reasons to enjoy the days passing by, not wasting the time I have, these little pennies that I got not even via a serious job experience, and rapidly degrading due to overload of videogames and lack of intelligent thoughts the brain of mine.

Sorry for the complaining, I just feel like I’m missing the purpose in anything little bit more than before.

[asdfghost]

Hey iamhere,

First of all. Thank you so much for your kind words. To be honest, I missed your posts. And I’m glad you came over, at least for a moment.
What’s winning for me? That’s a question I’ve never asked myself, no matter how strange it sounds, but that’s how it is.
But I know better than anything about losing. Because that’s how it goes pretty much all the time in my life. I wish I was completely wrong on this one. But the inner feeling tells me that I’m not.
Who would care about the big goals if I cannot maintain the most basic ones like getting a job and being useful. For myself, not for others even.
I need to do better. Easier said than done. But I already tasted the other option, and now I’m fed up.

[asdfghost]

Hey iamhere,
Glad to see you back here. Congrats with such a long gamble free period. Has it been… 7 months? That’s huge. Seriously.
I’m hoping to hear from you more often, even though this forum is heavily abandoned it’s still worth it to post your thoughts once or twice in a while.
So, in that regard, thank you for posting! 🙂

[asdfghost]

Hey kin,

You nailed it. That’s exactly what happens if you bet. Every time. No exceptions.
You bet – you lose and you lose everything.
You bet – you win and then you lose everything.
You bet – you win, lose, win, lose, …, and you lose everything in the end no matter what.
Gambling is losing. It does not matter if you won or lost at the moment. You’re gonna lose everything eventually.
Sometimes it happens fast, sometimes slow. But the final is always the same.

I’m glad you’re still posting. Thank you for that.

[asdfghost]

I know that there’s the only one to blame. And that one is me. But I’m still yet to acknowledge that. All my being is resisting the truth.
How many times I need to smash myself against that wall, how much I need to pay for the acceptance? How bad my situation needs to become? Shall I find myself on the verge of life and death?

[asdfghost]

I can’t deal with it. I got sick with temperature and cracked my head off the brick gambling wall. I’m just stupid. There’s nothing left to say. I wish I died as soon as possible.
I can’t do any job. I’m an idiot. I was cursed because of my irresponsibility and reckless behavior and now I’m done. Completely. My heart is beating fast right now and I cannot put my thoughts together.
Why it has to be like that. Why? I know and don’t know the answer at the same time. But that doesn’t matter anymore. Is this the end?

[asdfghost]

Hey CraigMac!

I’m glad you started a new thread. This forum has become a lonely place. Tons of spam and little-to-no posts from regulars or anybody at all. I’ll try to post myself at least sometimes.
Also yeah, congratulations on your Day 2. One day at a time.

[asdfghost]

Hello, GT Forums!

It’s been a while since I posted. I wish that sounded more true than it really did. Yesterday and today I gambled away quite a big amount of money that I earned by myself, little by little. My life’s had miserable moments a lot of times before. Now’s one of those. I feel disgusted. Can I live like that? I don’t think so. But I don’t wanna die either. Hopeless, dumb, stupid idiot: that’s me.
I have no power to fight. There’s not even a tiny bit of hope left. I hate it. I hate myself. I hate this country. I hate the whole world. I hate my inability to protect myself and live happily alone. I will never be happy, I will never be safe. I will never live normally. I will die worthless and pathetic as I am.

[asdfghost]

Hello GT Forums. I slipped up again today.
14/01/25 is my Day 0.
You know, I stopped living consciously quite a long time ago. What I did was, I just kinda arranged my thoughts in a way that I won’t really care about practically anything. I decided to do so because of living in a harsh environment. That was my way of adaptation to it. I missed a crucial point. You cannot live like that forever. Was it a few years or a decade already? My life’s been miserable since that day. What day? Was it really a day that changed everything or a couple of years of destroying my life on purpose? You might tell me that if I don’t care why am I writing this now then. I don’t see the point either. Just another message to nowhere. My gambling problem is only a part of much worse and bigger anomaly that I’ve been dealing with since forever. I can’t tell if it kills me at some point or I’ll manage to live with it. Does it matter? Does anything matter? I’m still uncertain, fortunately or unfortunately.

[asdfghost]

Happy New Year to you both, risingphoenix and kin.
Hope it will be great and blessed for all of us.

[asdfghost]

Lots of stuff, like maths and programming, I need to solve some tasks on paper but mostly it’s writing code for programs. And writing reports in text editor… that’s the annoying part.
My main exams are gonna be in January, now its just a bunch of tests and tasks I mentioned. But there are lots of them, and I need to go to uni a few times during that period. It’s really cold outside there and I got sick few days before and had a fever. Fortunately I’m doing better now. Next week will be tough so my break’s starting around December 28th, I guess…

[asdfghost]

Hey!

Glad you’re back. I’m doing alright. Having a lot of tests and course work in uni this two weeks. Hoping everything goes smoothly.

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