[April]

I like your poems charles 🙂

[April]

I like your poems charles 🙂

[April]

Thank you Monique and yes, one day at a time. Change takes time and patience is a virtue so I have heard 🙂

[April]

Hi sam.sam. Thanks for your message. It came right on time as I only too often feel alone especially in this case where I am trying to make a change in my life style that involves no gambling that no one else around me can understand. Take my hubby for example, he thinks that just by saying “STOP!” to me that it is that simple and easy. I know he loves me or he wouldn’t have hung around for 22 years but unfortunately in this case love and care is not enough to bring me to a cure. It is not at all that simple for me. My mind works on a complex level that makes Not gambling one of my life’s biggest challenges. I believe that only other gamblers on the road to quitting can even begin to comprehend what I struggle with on a daily basis. I simply do not know when to Stop despite my best resolve that I must! Even when I have gone past my limit I still want to play! I can now see that this is an addiction that started for me when I was about 10 years old and played my first game of cards Crazy Eights I think it was for tootsie rolls. It was fun and that was the beginning of the end for me! I loved to gamble! After that as I hit my teens it turned into a love of the video slot machines and an occasional Black Jack card game with my oldest brother. Although when I was younger I had much better control that could very well be because my funds were more limited. I also seemed to win more than I lost but as I know by now that wasn’t always to be the case. Because of my addiction I have lost way more than money and a part of myself that I want back! I am tired of the way I feel afterwards knowing I have again not only disappointed myself but my family. Too tired of saying “I’m broke” when I don’t have to be. Also by no means am I rich and even without any gambling involved my family pretty much lives paycheck to paycheck and here I am dwindling away most of any extra. This I have discovered is my biggest trigger, Pay Day! Understanding triggers and how to put barriers in place makes a lot of sense to me and is good advice if not the best for any gambler trying or needing to stop. I am already in processes of insuring that next pay day I do not have access to any cash that is the form I use to play video slots. It is never too late and one just needs to turn one’s mind in a different direction. This does not mean that I do not expect to struggle with this as I know I will but I also know that each day that passes without gambling will make the road to recovery smoother. Hoping it will help keep my hands busy, I have decided to start a new hobby designing and building doll houses that has always interested me starting with making a model of a hotel my 11 year old grand daughter has designed. We begin our project in about 2 weeks 🙂 For me this is key, finding something else to do with my hands and time besides push a button that only results in losing a part of myself that I am hoping to find again. Thanks sam.sam your words help.

[April]

Thanks for sharing this charles, it brought tears to my eyes….and keep up the good works!

[April]

Thanks for sharing this charles, it brought tears to my eyes….and keep up the good works!

[April]

Thanks Jany1 lol who knew?!!?

[April]

Thanks Jany1 lol who knew?!!?

[April]

Thanks Jany1 but the military style used for time on here confuses me 0:00 hours like that. Hopefully I am not late for group meeting today because I saw that one was held Mondays and had planned to attend. Thanks again.

[April]

Thanks Laura!

[April]

I Agree Great Poem!

[April]

I Agree Great Poem!

[April]

My road to recovery will be a long one I am sure. I am expecting this but I also expect to take it one small step at a time. Is there any other way to climb a mountain?

[April]

I thought I could plan exactly what I would type into this journal each time I visited it but that seems to not be the case. By the time I got here today this evolved into something entirely outside of what I thought or expected to type despite what was running through my head throughout the day. I also wanted to type so much more on here today that I most certainly was thinking about but now I am just going to go with the flow of my day. Besides, it has been a long weekend for me with the hubby home from work and teen daughter also off from school. Because of this my family demands on my time are higher on the weekends and by Sunday’s end I am tired. This is also a blessing in disguise as it keeps me from running to the video slots only 2 blocks from home the entire weekend that of course always come after a pay day because those 2 simply do not allow it! That gives me 2 less days of the week that I have the freedom to gamble and for this I am glad. I also know that I have plenty of time to type away here as I progress with my recovery that will also take some time if not the rest of my life time. The key here is to be patient with myself and allow the time I need for a complete recovery. After all Rome was not built in one day and I am only but too human and need to understand my own personal limits especially when it comes to time. I know that it helps to stay focused by prioritizing and that is what I intend to do as I continue with this journey on my road to recovery. I will type here as long as it takes to beat this beast within until my dying day! I for one have had enough of this when it gets to the point that I want to cut my own durn hands off just to keep from tapping a stupid little button! I am just so angry that I got caught up in this game way too long ago now that there’s no use looking back but just to stay focused on the road ahead that is No Gambling and Emotional and Financial Recovery! I have not gambled now for 3 days and in a few short minutes I will enter into Day 4. The urges are ever present as my last gambling spree was 3 short days ago but I will be patient and I will focus on my healing and recovery that will take time. Until tomorrow Journal.

[April]

Hello lizbeth4. Nice to meet you and I hear that and absolutely!

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