[AnnieC]

When you say, “rising to the lies, threats and manipulation, you will gain knowledge” – do you mean confronting him or yelling at him? Thanks!!

[AnnieC]

Hi, Velvet. Sorry it took so long to respond. I think you are right on. I understand what you are saying, and you described exactly what happens to a “t”. It is beyond me how this beautiful, intelligent, sweet man could feel so lost in himself. You have given me some really great techniques to use. Maybe a “candy coating” around my heart and self may help from the pain and wanting to help stop all this for him and for me. I will be checking in a little more. Thank you again!!

[AnnieC]

I appreciate your point about co-dependency being thrown around for just about everything. Same thing as narcissism, etc. I agree.

The reason why I came t the co-dependency label is from a therapist. I have a long line of supporting and enabling people who have addictions from drugs, alcohol, and now gambling. I seriously am trying to re examine why I do this.

Thanks for pointing this all out! Really – you don’t know how much you are already helping me!

[AnnieC]

Hi, Velvet. First of all, I can’t thank you enough. I’ve been weathering this mostly alone.

My SO does not live with me. I moved away last month to be near my kids and left my SO back in another region (my SO was obviously not happy about this but loves me and understands). We still see each other every few weeks as I travel a lot for work. While we are still together, the physical distance has provided some opportunity for clarity.

I agree with you – love isn’t enough. I understand that on an intellectual level, I just wish my heart would be aligned with that.

In this distance and time that I have had, I have done some work on myself – analyzing and journaling accounts of my childhood wounds that may contribute to why I enable and am codependent. It has been quite illuminating.

My SO blames gambling on the system being rigged and is on a mission to beat it. This person is so incredibly intelligent it is hard to reconcile the irrationality of this line of thought. It has led my SO to constantly feeling paranoid and uptight. It is so heartbreaking to watch. That is why the physical distance has helped me keep my sanity.

Thank you so much for the resources. I am determined to at least help myself through this. Conversations about it with my SO are very difficult and usually end in anger or the silent treatment. I guess I need to buck up and know that this is part of helping my SO – the discomfort and the risk of losing this person I love deeply. I guess it’s better than losing my SO to self-destruction. I just wish I wasn’t so selfish.

[AnnieC]

I appreciate the quick response, and will begin exploring throughout the day. Just my heart is breaking. SO’s family has been through so much, I have been through so much. I want to provide a unite front, but they have all but rejected me. They seem suspect of my intentions, but they have no idea. I wish they knew and understood because I respect them.

[AnnieC]

Hi, Stacey

I’m new to this, so I hope you don’t mind me interjecting. I understand how that roller coaster is. How your CG is truly a sweet wonderful person, fun, sensitive, intelligent. You hold them when they cry. You laugh with them. But the addiction has a hold so tight that it’s nearly impossible to predict what you will get day to day. You forget the bad times so easily, right? I know – I get that sort of amnesia myself! 😉

All I can offer is that you are not alone. Also, I am trying to work on myself right now. That’s all I can do. Listen, love, and support. But you are doing the right thing by protecting yourself. For your sake, monitor this abuse so it doesn’t move into physical (although emotional, financial, and psychological abuse is legitimate as well). I will be sending positive thoughts your way! Believe me, I’m working through my situation and trying to be mindful. Peace to you!

[AnnieC]

This person’s family still loves and cares – I don’t want to give the impression they don’t. It’s just that I think I’m enabling. They are trying to stop doing that, so they are farther along in the process. That said, they probably don’t respect me much. I guess I can’t blame them.

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