[Angel555]

Its so hard the judgements i place on myself and the judgements others have on me. I have no motivation to get welfare assistance. i dont work and my pay from government is in 2 weeks. i do have food at home. but i am ready for the rude comments from family coz when i have no money u generally stay home more. new years eve i had plans with one girl i have no close friends. she doesnt gamble. but shes free at the moment but much older. i dont even know if we can go anymore, i have some anxiety about ending frienship that trigger the truama response to gamble. i have psychologists but doesnt help and i feel my home life and the abuse at home is teh cause of me escaping to these venues. i have no where to go at nights. i left also an abusive relationship . but out of lonliness i am realyl strugglign to find hobbies and happiness.. i have ear disorder parents dont know what i went thru in that relationship. my parents dont gamlbe on poker machines likeme but they like bingo and also encourage me to go coz they see me home. anyway. i HATE this countdown to pay day/ but what can i do. i guess im more about cntrolling the gambling. i have been gamlbign onand off for 10 years or so. basically when i have new friends or move i stop . or when i have little money.

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