[amyyy]

Was für ein toller Artikel – wirklich informativ. Ich habe ähnliches gelesen und es ist wirklich gut, es im Blick zu behalten. Ziemlich cool, wie wir uns wirklich wie eine Eule auf einem Laternenpfahl beobachten können – und uns Notizen machen, was mit uns passiert – während es uns passiert. Komisch, wie der Geist worx.

[amyyy]

Какая отличная статья – действительно информативная. Я читал подобные вещи, и очень полезно рассматривать их в перспективе. Довольно круто, как мы действительно можем наблюдать за собой, как сова на фонарном столбе, и делать записи о том, что происходит с нами, пока это происходит с нами. Забавно, как устроен разум.

[amyyy]

Ne mükemmel bir makale – gerçekten bilgilendirici. Benzer şeyler okudum ve perspektif içinde tutmak gerçekten iyi. Kendimizi bir lamba direğindeki bir baykuş gibi gerçekten gözlemleyebilmemiz ve başımıza gelenleri not alabilmemiz oldukça güzel. Aklın nasıl çalıştığı komik.

[amyyy]

Яка чудова стаття- справді інформативна. Я читав подібні речі, і це дуже добре, щоб тримати це в перспективі. Досить круто, як ми дійсно можемо спостерігати себе, як сову на лампості- і робити запис про те, що з нами відбувається,- поки це відбувається з нами. Смішно, як розум працює.

[amyyy]

whoops posted b4 i was finished- wanted to thank s2bme too- real nice to be encouraged and supported. Ur doing really good and keep going- step by step- thats all anyone can do.

[amyyy]

Thnx Paul for ur reply and can fully see what u mean- life seems to pop more when ur not gambling. Just all the small things are really adding up and actually making me feel happy again.
And we actually have money and have paid da bills and i havent blown it all and had to make up lies and excuses about where all the money is and sit there all devo about it- with no choices cos i have no money. I remember i used to sit there thinkin that cos of this one choice of gambling ive now taken away any and all other choices that involve money- and thinkin why do i choose gambling over everything else?
Truth is i know exactly why- and just have to stop. Sure its all complex and involved and blah balh blah…but at the same time its dead simple too. Have some self discipline and stop going. Exercise some freakin self control.
So I’m still in boot camp. Still denying myself access to gambling. Still patroling my thoughts and stoping the gambling ones- and making them reveal their true self. Thoughts of winning are replaced with realities of losing.  Still trying to shatter the gambling illusions- and it has been another day- so yay- another victory.

[amyyy]

Good on you jen! Keep strong. U can do it!

[amyyy]

Well its been like a month and no gambling- wasnt really ******** the days that much but my bf asked me today if i gambled cos i spent some money today. I said no cos i hadnt and explained what id bought- and told him i hadnt gambled in like a month and he was like ‘really? Has it been that long- wow that is really good babe- good on ya!’
yay- felt really good bout that. I said yeah just gotta do dis another ten ***** and il be close to a year lol.
He reminded me tho that wen my son returns to school will be the testing time for me- and i agreed. So going to return my card to him once that happens- just to be sure and give myself some extra security and peace of mind- carry only small amounts of cash.
Cooked dinner tonight- which is nice because i dont ussually ****. Just another activity that im including in my routines that is different and positive. Takes up a little time and gives me a little happiness. 
Spose thats what its all about – finding little activities that give ya a little happy buzz- much better than stressful- high risk- high stress games that give ya no joy- and only lead to dissapointment.
I dont want to spend another day being dissapointed in my decisions or hating myself- for gambling? No. Maybe for something i have no knowledge of and dont know better etc- but not the same old guilt trip from gambling. Its really lame and im done with giving in to gambling. (its almost like i want to confirm the dissapointment or negative feelings i have about myself- so i gamble- and in that way i prove to myself i am justified in having these thoughts about myself- its a self fullfilling prophecy in a way.)
I’m just taking it step by step and regardless of whatever happens im going to try to choose something else to turn to instead of gambling.
Besides i dont want those pokies to even get one more dollar of my money- i would rather literally throw it into the ocean than put it into those pokies. Atleast i could sit there thinkin to myself…hmm watever happenned to those three hundred dollar coins i threw into the ocean….did they wash up on shore? did some kids find em…are they growing barnacles on them… (point is its actually a random chance thing- not like pokies where the money gets the government and the owners of the licences rich and keeps other people in a job- none of this benefits me in anyway- and actually gambling destroys me- so yeah i would honestly rather throw the money randomly away- than take it there.)
Well for now i am travelling along ok and have sidestepped some roadblocks- so heres to another day – anotheer small victory. cheers x
 

[amyyy]

lol sux2bme that s funny as. So true. Thnx for the support- its awesome.
Same to Geordie- thnx for the nice words n encouragement.
Was just in topic chat n was rambling on (as usual lol) and it occurred to me that yeah this motto ‘one day at a time’ really has some weight to it. Afterall Today is the only day we really have- every other day past or future is speculation really. The motto finally made sense in a way i could really relate to. (it takes a while for these things to sink in i think lol)
Sorta like the whole "gambling is like a rollercoaster ride"- to me i usually interpret that as like a metaphor for the emotional ups n down- but as i was reading a thread today i remembered a chat i had with my bro ages ago- on a completely different topic. We were actually talking about lsd/ acid (not meaning to offend anyone with a **** reference- just a chat we had) anyways we were talking about how once you consume the **** its too late to change your mind and he was saying "yeah takin ****s is like taking a rollercoaster ride- once you get in- you’re strapped in and the ride starts- theres no getting off- your locked in till the rides run its course and stops- like it or not"
lol- Anyways it occurred to me that in a way its sort of like that with gambling- we have gotten on that rollercoaster many ****** knowing once the ride starts we will be regretting it- and wishing we hadnt gotten on- but its too late- we can only ride it out til its over- and we have the choice, with a clearer mind- to choose if we want to get back on.
(dont know if that even makes sense with anyone else- just thought id hsare some random thoughts wth u guys out there)

[amyyy]

Good on you for joining this site. its really a good place to get ideas and share experience- sometimes just vent and ramble on- get it out and it is good to know you will not be judged as everyone here can relate and has probably been through similar feeling and thoughts. (seem to be the same ones for us all really) 
We have the same thing in common- We are all trying to stop gambling.
Hope u keep coming back and find it helpful- stay strong and gamble free.
 

[amyyy]

I really enjoyed our chat too and you reminded me of so many reasons why i dont want to gamble either.
Hope to catch you in chat again another time- stay strong and gamble free

[amyyy]

Havent gambled. Talked to my bf last night about wanting to gamble and wanting to give up because i felt that i had already gone so far backwards and have put my plans and goals so far behind- felt like there was no use in trying- it was hopeless.
He said that i am oblivious to all the things i achieve- and goals i reach. He rekons if its not a major success i overlook it. (i laughed at this and said yeah? so wat…wateva)
I took my son bill paying/ grocery shopping and picked up a few back to school goodies along the way.
Txted my bf when i got home n told him i was going to **** him dinner 2nite and that id payed the bills etc- he txtd me bak n said he was really proud of me. Strangely enough him saying that really hit a chord with me- and made me cry- (so silly- proud of me for wat? all i did was pay sum bills n go shopping- wow?) Dont know why it means so much- but those few words do. I spose its acknowledgement really- the person i share my life with seeing that im doing good. Means alot i spose.
Feel good i didnt gamble- have wanted to and even heard myself sayng- its my money- i should be able to spend it on what i want…blah blah blah)
So another day another small victory
 

[amyyy]

hey bruce i talked to you earlier in chat- and just wanted to jot u a line and say not to get too down about a slip- and hope ur feelin a bit better. I have been there. I know how frustrating it is. Keep up with recovery- it is worth it- just takes alot of hard work and persistence.

[amyyy]

I agree its all about choices.
I want to make healthy choices- good choices. Choices that are about being responsible and doing the right thing for a change. I want to choose not to avoid my debts anymore- i want to pay them and stop ignoring and pretending they dont exist. I want to make better choices. I dont want to choose to gamble- even if i was to win i feel that its not worth the dissapointment i would feel in myself or from my family and friends.

[amyyy]

Omg so feel like goin and ‘havin a press’- as we call it.
Not going to do it. Had a great chat with jmc in the chatroom and really rang some bells for me.
I dont want the stress of gambling and if money is meant to come to me- it will find its way to me without gambling.
Don’t know how long it has been- few weeks but yeah….dreaming of money and thinkin of money. Arghhhh…. Taking it one day at a time… Not gambling today…
Want to feel stronger- but today and yesterday have felt down and wanted to gamble- oh well ups and down are just part of life- right? So long as i stay away from gambling i cant make things worse.
If i gamble chances are i will feel lower and be broke on top of it too.
So here’s to another day- wiithout gambling- even tho really i want to. (just keepin it real)

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