[Amber_Disfordone]

Today I won back a little bit of time a little bit of trust a little bit of hope all of things I gambled with because today I will not gamble and I will relentlessly be chasing those losses for the rest of my life. I hope all of you are winning today too. Love strength and hope ❤️

[Amber_Disfordone]

Thank you for writing this letter. It truly epitomized everything we experience as compulsive gamblers. We are fighting this fight together. I try and find something every day to take and reread to remind myself why today I will not gamble. I will read this every day so I can forever be gamble free. 6 days free and 6 days happier. Thank you 

[Amber_Disfordone]

Thank you so much for the advice!! It does help tremendously… in the future I plan to be much more in depth with them. So sad I never wanted to take any part of their childhood away from them… just crazy what addiction can do ugh. I never even thought about the fact that I could pass on my addictive behavior… really hoping they take after their dad!! Really appreciate the support and advice!! Sending love, strength and blessings!!  

[Amber_Disfordone]

So after my last relapse I was honest with my husband well ex husband/ boyfriend and I was also honest with my children who are 10 and 12. Is this something I should talk to my children about? I’m worried I did the wrong thing

[Amber_Disfordone]

This was a message sent to me from a fellow gambler the day of my last relapse after I resisted his encouragement to come back to the casino to reclaim “my” money :
I’m proud of you! You resisted my temptation..lol now you need to remember today the next time you get the urge to gamble,,You lost $11,000 dollars you probably feel like shit because you lost, probably didn’t get much sleep, your boyfriend is pissed at you.,so basically you went to a casino last night to torcher yourself lol so unless your into pain, lol I strongly suggest you keep this text and every time you get the urge to gamble read it. It might save you from another bad day! Love ya!
I hope to be saved from all of those bad days in my future

[Amber_Disfordone]

Thank you so much for your encouraging words and reminder to try and be kind to ourselves. Strange how it feels comforting to know others are going thru the same thing although I would wish this on no one ever. A lot of pain in this path so far but so much joy if we can continue the path to recovery. I spent the day reading your journal yesterday and I was right there with you. I was so excited and happy for you when you were getting up to the 60 days and cried for you in the past few months of your journey. It was inspirational to see that no matter what you were still here to try and try again and so many people here to encourage. I hope that I can see you get beyond those 60 days again and that I will be there right along with you!!! we will beat this!!! sending love and support!!! Thank you so very much 

[Amber_Disfordone]

I got a call from the casino I just lost all of my money to on Saturday. They have 600$ in free bet chips for me. The call got me very flustered I was back and forth about going and getting maybe at least 600 of my money back. So instead I came here and read and read and reaffirmed that even if I did it would not be worth the piece of mind of my recovery will give me. So I decided to let them keep what they have so that hopefully I’ll be able to keep what of me I have and eventually be able to reclaim the rest of the truly important things I have lost. Trust love respect honesty the person I was before giving in to this disease. I have given it enough I will not give it another chance to take more. Time to win back my family’s trust and love and my own trust and love in myself. I can do it. We can do it

[Amber_Disfordone]

I’m here 5 days Gf. Onwards and upwards ❤️

[Amber_Disfordone]

Read your whole journal. I have the same demon as you. Fing blackjack. I’m really rooting for you!! For some reason I feel like if you can do it so could I. Wishing you peace Harmony and recovery❤️ It’s my day 5 hopefully we can see our number climb together

[Amber_Disfordone]

Here are some things that I have read that might help

I shouldn’t dwell too much on the little mistakes – just recognize them, and each day try to improve them

 Let’s be OBSESSED with stopping. Let’s make it IMPOSSIBLE. To gamble.

What I do want to focus on is making amends for my mistakes, taking responsibility for my life, correcting my character flaws, and striving for a better life

[Amber_Disfordone]

I went to a psychic today…. unfortunately she did not see an easy way out
She saw desire and hard work but she did not see success no matter the temptations. I think it’s up to me

[Amber_Disfordone]

Another thing after reading many posts over the past few days and having the same thoughts of my own of where I could’ve been and should’ve been had I not done what I done embarrassment thankful that I am here now where I need to be on this journey of trying to change and have the support and encouragement of all of you who are going through the same thing at the same time I’m thankful that there are others out there willing to share their pain in their journey and that do hard workAnd accountability and Perseverance there can be a positive outcome Day three is so far from where I want to be But it is three days closer to it

[Amber_Disfordone]

Something else I’d like to get off my chest. It’s actually sickening I’ve spent these gambling years comparing myself to other people and as long as I was somehow better off than them then what I was doing in my own sick mind wasn’t so bad And that is awful. The person I have become is awful. The person I will become is yet another thing I have to look forward to in my recovery. I can’t wait to meet her again

[Amber_Disfordone]

So today is day 3 for me…never been a scary day for me really since I am more of a binge gambler…naturally I have been running thru things in my mind over and over again the past 3 days and I have noticed something that I want to make myself very aware of… this whole year has been a total shot show with all my gambling but the latter part of it being the worst. Mother’s Day bad relapse # 1 in may down the road 3 months later bad relapse #2 my birthday August and today bad and LAST relapse #3 November. I am seeing a pattern that looks like 3 months long and I am writing it down now so I know to be extra weary…although I’m hoping to forever be weary… on the 3 month area. Stay strong be safe ❤️

[Amber_Disfordone]

Thank you for the encouraging words.  I want so much for the pain I feel right now to go away but there’s a large part of me that hopes it never does because in this moment the grief of everything I have done is enough to make me have no desire to inflict more of it on myself or my loved ones and I know I won’t gamble with these fresh hard feelings. For me it’s when I start to feel better it’s like I forget what we’ve already been through and I slip back in. So hard to want to be kind to myself what I have to do is forgive myself and NEVER forget 

[Author]

Posts