[alliesmum]

I have also decided to reward myself after a month. There is a pair of shoes I’ve been wanting for ages so I decided after a month I will buy them for myself then that way I have ‘earned’ them.
I would spend a hell of a lot more on gambling in a month so I may be treating myself but I am also saving.

What if he cancelled his card and got a new one and hid it from you for a while would that help?

Maybe him knowing everything and checking his account to make sure all bills etc are paid will be enough to keep you from going to the casino. I hope it is.

Do you know what your triggers are? What makes you gamble? Maybe you could avoid those situations or replace them with something more productive.

Keep posting and I will try to help.

Lots of love xxx

[alliesmum]

Laura
Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my thread.
I really am sick and tired of gambling and I am prepared to do whatever it takes to be able to control this addiction.

I CAN do this and I WILL do this.

I know it won’t be easy and I’m sure I will have bad days but I prepared for that.

For the first time in a long time I can see a light at the end of the tunnel!

Hope you had a great day

Lots of love xxx

[alliesmum]

Hi Kathryn
I am glad I put a smile on your face!

I love this site soo much.. I also get to me. Not mummy and not wife.. Just me.

I’m not good with talking about my feelings so I find it so much easier here being able to write them down and have them read by people who understand my situation.

Thank you for continuing to read my posts.

Lots of love xxx

[alliesmum]

Hi Hunter
Have you thought about maybe getting your wages paid into your hubbys bank account? Then you don’t have the money to gamble and then he could pay the bills etc. That’s what I have done and to be honest now that I don’t have the means to gamble I am less likely to.
I don’t know where in the world you are but in the seaside town I live in we don’t have a casino (just a bookmakers) so I know I won’t be able to gamble.

Have you thought about self excluding from the casino?

I know where you are coming from with regards to treating yourself. I would say its been at least 2 years since I treated myself too but have told hubby that if I get to a month with no gambling that I might take myself shopping with my sister for our holiday in March.

Maybe a rewards system would work for you?

You should be proud of yourself for seeking help. Its the hardest thing for a CG to do.

Hope today was a gamble free day for you.

Lots of love xxx

[alliesmum]

Hi Johnny
We are all guilty of hurting people we care about due to our gambling habits. I have hurt people with my gambling.

This isn’t something I was going to share but I really hurt my sister.
She is my rock, my best friend and I love that girl with every bone in my body.
I hurt her with my gambling habits. I had to ask her for some money a few months ago to be able to pay my rent. She had my bank login details and went on to check my statements.
She came to my house in pieces. The girl I love so much was crumbling before my eyes. In that moment I wanted to be dead. I wasn’t willing to talk to anyone about my addiction as I didn’t think anyone would understand. I was wrong.

Now that I have been open and honest about my addiction and I am seeking the help I need my sister and I are on great terms.

Today I am 5 days into my recovery and have done everything within my power to stay that way. We can’t change what we have done but we can improve.

Lots of love xxx

[alliesmum]

Hi Kin
I am so glad to read that today you are gamble free. Today is day 5 for me.
It’s not easy but we’re getting there! One day at a time.

Keep posting and stay positive.

Lots of love xxx

[alliesmum]

Thank you Lizbeth and Vera for replying.

Vera it was a long time coming. I have tried many times and failed to stop gambling. Although those times I hadn’t been completely honest with how severe my problem actually was. Now that everything is out in the open and I have the support I need both here and on the home front there is nothing to stop me.

I know if I had not spoke to someone on the helpline this morning then I probably would have gambled and that’s why I wanted to make drastic changes and I wanted to do them today.
I don’t want to be in the situation where it would be possible for me to gamble again.

I don’t want to gamble anymore and I won’t.

I still have the urges but I don’t want to let them get the better of me and now they won’t.

This website has done wonders for my mindset.
I now know that recovery is possible. I know I will never be cured and that being a CG is something that I will have to live with but that I can live with it!

The way people rally around each other when they are feeling down or have had a set back is fantastic. And also the way the people on here share their encouragement with others who are doing good things in their recovery is AWESOME!

I really wish I had found this website sooner but then again maybe I wasn’t ready.

Day 5 is nearly over and I did not game nor will I in the near future.

Lots of love xxx

[alliesmum]

Hi Jappy
Thank you for replying to me last night.
I really needed someone who understood what it is like to be a CG to reply to my post and I am so glad that you did. I just wasn’t really in the mood to discuss it last night.

So here is an update on my situation.

This morning I was struggling with my urges so I came on here and spoke to someone on the helpline which was a God send.
Today I paid my bills etc from my account, transferred the rest to hubbys account and closed down my bank account.
I have also got in touch with work etc to make sure all future payments are put into hubbys account.
It was with great pleasure that I took a pair of scissors and cut my bank card in half.
Hard but satisfying.
I now dont have any control over finances so that should make my recovery a little easier.

I also went to mums to discuss how I was feeling and to see her cry because I hadn’t gambled and I had done the right (but hard) thing was lovely.

Not because she was crying but because she was proud.

Today I did not gamble and tomorrow I will not either.

Thank you for taking the time to read my posts.

Lots of love xxx

[alliesmum]

So I am sat watching TV and my brain starts doing sums (as I would playing slots). I knew every win possible so I could add my winnings per 20spins.

First proper urge in 4days. Maybe it’s because there is money coming into the bank account tomorrow?
Kind of a weird, sick to my stomach, heart pounding feeling.

I can control this. I will no longer let it control me!

I will not gamble. I will not give in.

[alliesmum]

Hi Hunter
Welcome to the forum. I am also new here but the advice, support and warmth of the other people on here is second to none.
Take on board their great advice and put some barriers in place.
In the last few days I have excluded myself from all the online sites I was using. I have also downloaded k9 browser and got rid of all my other browsers so that I can’t be tempted to gamble as it is now blocked. As well as this I have also handed over all the financial responsibility to my husband so he now handles all the household bills etc.

Your partner already knows of your addiction so just be honest. It’s hard to do but it’s worth it once you get it all off your chest and have someone to lean on and to listen.

I also have a young family so I know how the guilt of what you have done or spent can eat you up but try not to dwell on it (easier said than done I know) but try to focus on the future. A gambling free future for you and for your family.

If you ever need a chat please feel free to drop by my story.

I hope today has been a gamble free day for you.

Lots of love xxx

[alliesmum]

Thank you for your reply Vera. You’re a wise woman.
I am so lucky to have someone as supportive and understanding as my husband.
When we’re gambling we can’t see what’s right in front of us and how blessed we actually are in life.
Hope you’re having a great gambling free day.

Lots of love xxx

[alliesmum]

Today is a day that is filled with guilt. It’s hubby’s birthday. Money is tight due to my gambling and I can’t afford presents which I feel guilty as hell about.
He says he doesn’t mind as me and the kids are making him a birthday cake and there is no point in spending money that we cannot afford to spend. He’s just happy that I am finally getting the help that I need and putting so much effort into my recovery.
It still doesn’t get rid of that guilty feeling.
The ‘what ifs’ the ‘whys’.
Apart from that all my barriers are still in place and I am still feeling quite positive about my recovery.

Today I will not gamble.

To Kathryn
I hope work wasn’t too hard on you. I am trying to find encouragement and positivity in the little things in my life. I am sorry to hear you lost your house but I am glad you have taken it as a learning curve and that you have got your life back on track. I am hoping one day I can do the same.

Lots of love xxx

To Laura
Thank you so much for the information. It was a fantastic read and I have now got more insight on how my gambling brain works. I also signed up for the other chatroom. Although I haven’t used it yet I am planning to. I know we shouldn’t dwell on the things we have lost due to gambling but today is a particularly hard one for me. I hope you are having a fantastic gamble free day.

Lots of love xxxx

[alliesmum]

So today I was coming on here to write a pretty negative post – about how I was feeling down and thinking back on the things I had done and the money I had spent gambling.

I changed my mind or rather someone changed it for me – my 3 year old daughter.
Having gone upstairs to get dressed (Sunday is lazy day so don’t judge lol) I sat on the end of the bed with tears in my eyes and feeling sorry for myself. In walks daughter who is so excited to have found me 🙂 Half way through getting ready and looking in the wardrobe for a t-shirt my daughter asks me to wear the ‘pretty princess dress’ with my jeans. I wasn’t keen but the smile on her face when I finally gave in was absolutely brilliant! Right then I knew today was going to be a positive one.. I will make it one!

So instead of moping around today I will be strutting around the house doing housework in my ‘pretty princess dress’ and jeans! I hope nobody pops in hahaha! Think a family game night may be in order later.

Today I will not gamble!

[alliesmum]

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I am trying. I know I have a long and bumpy road ahead of me but I am willing to try to make it a successful journey.
I really appreciate your positive feedback. I am so glad I decided to come on here. Everyone has been so kind and patient. I hope you are well and succeeding in your goals.

[alliesmum]

Thank you for taking the time to come and chat to me today Laura. It was greatly appreciated. After our chat earlier I also joined the GA website and got talking to some lovely people there too. I am even considering going to a meeting! My next available meeting wouldn’t be until Thursday so I may chicken out before then. I have been overwhelmed by the kindness of others and their willingness to discuss their own journeys. I am hoping to continue on my journey and also make some friends. After today I would say you are the first friend that I have met on my journey. I hope you continue to thrive too.

Hope to get chatting to you again soon.

[Author]

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