[alliesmum]

Today I went back into the dark
That dark place that captures me
The same place that changes me.

Who am I
What have I become
Why does this feel like home
Like normality

This time I click refresh
And start again
I try
I try harder

Now what do I do
I move forward
Not backward

Now is the time to change
Day one over again
I can do this
Will I do this
This time I can!

[alliesmum]

Today I went back into the dark
That dark place that captures me
The same place that changes me.

Who am I
What have I become
Why does this feel like home
Like normality

This time I click refresh
And start again
I try
I try harder

Now what do I do
I move forward
Not backward

Now is the time to change
Day one over again
I can do this
Will I do this
This time I can!

[alliesmum]

Thank you so much for replying to me IDI, it has brought me to tears.
I just hope I can beat this. I will beat this!
I just needed someone to reply to me and basically remind me that I am not alone.
My husband is so supportive but as a CG sometimes it can get very dark and lonely when no one seems to understand how it feels to gamble. The darkness is overwhelming.
I hope this slip only makes me stronger and more determined.

Thank you so much for being there when I needed someone!!

[alliesmum]

So I haven’t been on in a few days – guess why?
Yup you guessed right I gambled today!
I wasn’t even going to come on here and tell you all but then where does that leave me with regards to recovery?
I can’t pretend that it didn’t happen.
I am back in that place where you feel horrible, you’re a failure and just generally a bad person.
I have been honest with my husband though.
I know you are going to ask me how I did it and here’s how –
I have everything changed into hubby’s account but in a rush and a panic this morning he left his bank card behind and temptation got too much 🙁
I didn’t gamble loads, I know that it isn’t the point, the point is that I DID gamble.
I was able to withdraw a small amount though that I haven’t been able to bring myself to do in a long time, again that isn’t the point.
To be honest this has left me feeling like total cr*p!
I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be this person anymore.
Hubby’s card has now been cut in half and a new one ordered (which will be delivered to his mums).
I can’t and don’t want to do this anymore.
Anyways thanks if you have taken the time to read my post.
I feel like I have let everyone down 🙁
Tomorrow is a new day and a new day 1.

[alliesmum]

Hi Laura
Thank you for your post. Can I just say that if I had not got speaking to you on my first day here on GT then I wouldn’t be where I am today so thank you 🙂

I have set up a reward scheme as such – I decided once I make it to one month I am going to buy the shoes I have been wanting for the last 6months but wouldn’t part with the money when gambling. Also we go on holiday on March with the kiddies (which is why I am saving every little bit I can) so before we go on holiday I am going to get some new swimming costumes etc.
My little girl has hers picked already – pink unicorn!

It’s those little things that may not necessarily cost a fortune that keep me going.

Thank you for your continued support

Lots of love xxx

[alliesmum]

Hi IDI

I don’t want to pry into your relationship but do you think that discussing things with your husband would help your recovery? Or is it that you don’t want to discuss it with him?

You’re very right – it is easier for me to access online support as I’m a full time mum with my youngest being 10 months (he has started crawling and is such a menace lol)

I am so glad that you’ve given up your means of gambling! It’ll change your life and you’ll wonder how you ever spent so much money on basically nothing. A thrill. I may only be 10 days in recovery but even now I see a big difference financially!

Lots of love xxx

[alliesmum]

Hi Lizbeth
Have just been reading through your recent posts and thought I would share my favourite quote with you –

‘Happiness can be found even in the darkest of places if one only remembers to turn on the light’

Lots of love xxx

[alliesmum]

I will certainly have a look Vera.
Thank you for your support

Lots of love xxx

[alliesmum]

Hi Sherrie

I use k9 blocker on my phone which is free to download.

We have all been stuck in that cycle. I was online gambling too. I was spending about £1200 per month. £1200 that I can’t afford to spend and by the sounds of things you can’t afford to be spending it either.

Talk to your husband. If you have spoken to him before and from that he’ll know that you have a problem with gambling. The sooner you tell him the sooner you can move forward.

Trying to win back your losses won’t work. We’ve all been there. It’ll only lead to more debt and even more despair. Try to get on to the support group at 10pm tonight. There are some truly wonderful people on here who will be more than happy to help you or give some advice.

If I had not found this forum I would still be gambling. With the support of your husband and the support of the people on here you can kick this habit. It won’t be easy but it will be worth it.

Lots of love xxx

[alliesmum]

Hi Vera

No I’ve never been to GA and to be honest I’m not sure it would be my kind of thing. I think the pressure to go would possibly make me gamble again and it’s not a risk I am willing to take. My closest GA meeting is 20 miles away an I don’t drive.

I have awesome support here and at home so I don’t think I need it 🙂

[alliesmum]

So guys today is day 10 for me!

Never in my wildest dreams did I think it would be possible. It may seem like a small milestone to some but for me it’s a massive one!

If I’m honest it’s been easier than I thought, especially once I made sure to get my wages etc into hubby’s account. Gambling for me is now a past time.

I have 3 beautiful children to focus on and to make up for the things they have missed out on.

For anyone struggling, you can do this! Do not let this addiction control you for any longer than it already has. You are the leading lady/man in your own life. Now is the time to take control and make things happen.

Hoping to get on to support tonight so maybe I’ll see you there?

10 days in and still gamble free!

Lots of love xxxx

[alliesmum]

Hi Nick

Welcome to the forum.

I too recognise that cycle all too well.

I agree with I did it with regards to the gambling blocker. It works wonders. I am a recovering GA too and I’m 9 days into my recovery. This site and the people on it are fantastic!

I am sure you will get loads more comments on how to help yourself recover from this horrible addiction.

Check out the support group tonight at 10pm. There will be lots of lovely people on there to chat to and to listen.

Keep posting. It really does help.
I hope to read more from you.

Lots of love xxx

[alliesmum]

Maverick thank you for such a lovely post.
You are right though.. No one understands a compulsive gambler except for a compulsive gambler.
I am so glad I found this site! It has done wonders for my mindset. I definitely wouldn’t be this far in my recovery without the lovely people on here and their advice and compassion.
This site is filled with some of the best human beings!

[alliesmum]

I did it,
After reading your last post on my thread I cried. I cried tears of joy for you.
Handing over financial responsibility is a hard thing to do but I promise you you will not regret it.
This week alone I was able to pay £200 of debts back (owed to family) and also save a little for me and mine. That was money that any other week would of went to gambling and I feel great about it.
I can’t believe how my post has affected you. I never thought it would affect anyone never mind in such a big way!

I just read that your an Irish girl – me too!!

You are making huge progress and even though I don’t know you personally I am so proud of you!

Here’s to a gamble free 2018 & a gamble free life!!

Hugs to you my friend!! Xxxx

[alliesmum]

I am now on day 7 – I have never made it past 7days before! So this is an achievement in itself. I know I will complete day 7 as I am just heading to work so won’t have time or the means to gamble.

Thank you for the link Laura I will have a read at it when I get in from work. Your full of great information!

Wednesdays and Fridays were always my gambling days and today I haven’t really given it much thought 🙂

An interesting story..
Hubby works for his dad in second hand car dealership and last night he brought me something he’d found in a car that they had bought. He said he thought of me when he found it and in some strange way I like to think that it was meant for me.

It was a coin..
On one side it’s a set of footprints and on the other it says ‘Follow the footprints of The Lord. They will lead you through troubled times and brighten your life.’

It’s a battered old coin so maybe it has helped someone else through a hard time in their life and maybe it was meant for me? I like to think of it as a sign.

Happy Friday to you all!!
Lots of love xxx

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