[alliesmum]

Thanks for the post IDI,
When I started my first thread here I was posting 2 sometimes 3 times a day. Maybe I need to get back to jotting down all the craziness in my head. Sometimes I just feel like I need to offload and as supportive as my family are they will never truly understand this addiction and how it makes you feel.
I am doing a night class to get my maths gcse. There is another full time course I have applied for which begins in September and I need to pass the maths to be accepted. Then the new course would get me 4 a levels and a chance at uni! Having had my oldest at 18 my eduction took a back seat.
This is my time!

[alliesmum]

Day 3 for me today..
Night class has been cancelled so now I just need to fill that time with something productive.
I haven’t had any real urges yet but when I do I hope I can just push through – I don’t want to gamble anymore. I don’t want to live this dark and dire life anymore.

Happiness can be found even in the darkest of places if one only remembers to turn on the light

[alliesmum]

Good for you IDI!
Resisting the urges is the hardest thing to do! I have gave in soo many times and have had to restart my recovery.
From someone who has relapsed and spent weeks blowing money that I could not afford to spend, it really isn’t worth it. All your hard work would just fly out the window. I am actually finding it harder to stop this time round due to my relapse.
You are doing sooo well! Just keep pushing through!
Maybe catch you in group later?
Take care

[alliesmum]

Hi Laura
Just thought I’d check in and say hi, it’s been so long!
Day 2 for me today. This time I can do it! I think when I relapsed I had been gradually pulling myself away from the forums which I realised may have been a part of the problem.
Maybe I need you lovely people more than I thought? Or maybe I just wasn’t ready? This time I know I am.. There are things I want to do with my life! I now just need to get in control of this addiction and accept how live changing this is. I have to live with this for the rest of my life. That scares me. I need to face my fears.
Sorry for the offload.
I wish you a speedy and healthy recovery.

[alliesmum]

Day 2 for me and just wanted to pop by and say hi! I think it’s a great idea to push yourself, not too hard, out of your comfort zone and a better paid job sounds to me like a good way to go. My night class is doing that for me. I’m doing this course because I need this qualifaction for another course to get into university, to show my kids that yes I may of started my family and got married younger than most but that doesn’t mean that you should just give up on things.. Especially education. I am fighting hard to get where I want to be in life. I want my kids to be proud of me. I can accomplish anything I want to if I could just get to grips with this addiction and start to control it instead of it controlling me. Sorry for offloading maybe a bit too much but you are one of the people I am most drawn to. I’m glad you don’t have the ‘bank statement blues’ anymore! You’re getting your life back IDI! Well done!

[alliesmum]

Day 2 and all is going good.. So far.
I won’t really struggle until Wednesday which including Fridays WERE my gambling days!
Here’s hoping I could say no to the little devil on my shoulder.
I have to say no! I stand to loose too much if I don’t.
Today has been a good day. No thoughts on gambling and I feel better for it. I have planned out what money needs to go where for the next 4 weeks and I am intending to stick to it. This is my time to beat this!
Today I did not gamble. Tomorrow I will not either.

[alliesmum]

Thanks for the reply IDI
Yes online gambling, it’s always been my downfall. As I am writing this reply I am in the process of sorting an internet filter.. As of this morning my cards have been cancelled and financial responsibility is being handed back to hubby.
He’s already agreed to just lift me the money I need before he goes to work in the mornings.
I really can’t do this anymore IDI. I am loosing the will..
I have managed to make it to two weeks before and this time I intend to smash that record.
We go on a family holiday in 4 weeks time and if I continue to gamble we won’t be able to afford to go. I couldn’t bear to do that to the kids!!
This is my time to beat this. This time I have to.

[alliesmum]

IDI
I wish I was in your shoes. I am so happy for you and your achievements are fantastic! You have given me hope that I can hit the refresh button and start over again. My gambling has been erratic recently and I can’t do it anymore. I am in such a dark place right now. Maybe we could catch up in support group?
It really is great to see you doing so well!

[alliesmum]

Hi IDI thanks for the post on my thread 🙂
I didn’t make it to group tonight as I started a night class last week and it runs on a Monday night in college.
Maybe get a catch up soon?
Would definitely like to hear of your past 6 weeks!
Still feeling quite positive at the minute but I know the demons are lurking.. I think this time I more aware of that fact.
Hope all is still good with you!
Keep going!

[alliesmum]

Way to go D!
I find being honest and telling people your ‘problems’ is a very hard thing to do but you have done it and you probably feel like a weight has been lifted.
I always try to be honest no matter what the situation or what I’ve done. If I don’t be honest I find that my brain goes to jelly and I get stuck within my own thoughts. Honesty is the hardest thing and you’ve done it my friend.
At least now your friend knows and will be there for you throughout your journey. We all need someone to talk to and confide in, especially when things get tough.

Anyways congrats on day 3!
Hope you have a great day and stay gamble free!
Lots of love xxx

[alliesmum]

6 weeks IDI? What an achievement!!
When you started your journey you probably didn’t think it was possible to get this far but you have and you just have to keep pushing through! Good for you!!
Sorry to hear you haven’t been feeling too great. Maybe it was the flu or maybe something else bothering you?
Whatever it was don’t let it set you back.
Great to see you are doing so well.
Lots of love xxx

[alliesmum]

Hi D.
Thanks for taking the time to read my thread. Was lovely chatting to you too. So glad to hear you’re on day 3. Good for you! You have every right to be proud of yourself – the first few days are always the hardest. Keep it up and hope to hear great things from you!

[alliesmum]

Hi IDI

Not so good here.
Been gambling.
Not lots of money but today I realised I am soo bored of gambling! I actually hate it now.

Tomorrow is a new day and a new day one.
I had a quick look through your thread – super well done on your recovery! If only I was as strong as you.

I will kick this habit.
Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start on my recovery.
It means a lot to know that I crossed your mind. Thank you.

Lots of love xxx

ps the more expensive groceries are the best! Good for you and keep going!

[alliesmum]

I do believe that having not been on GT in the last few days may have also played a part in the fact that I gambled today. I won’t let that happen again.
I seen on your thread that you have been struggling with the threads and other people but please don’t let that discourage you from coming on here.
You are appreciated on here.
I don’t think I’d be holding myself together if you hadn’t of replied to me.
I appreciate you.
I need to run to work but I’m hoping to get onto the 10pm support group tonight – maybe I’ll see you there?
Lots of love xxx

[alliesmum]

Thanks for your reply Nick.
You are right – it is like leaving a needle for a drug addict. I have explained that it wasn’t his fault – it was my choice. I made that choice not him and he is in no way to blame.
This is the thing though – if I had the cash in my hand I wouldn’t even think about pouring it into a machine. Absolutely no way! Online gambling is different though because all your doing is clicking buttons to deposit not physically putting the money into the machine if that makes sense?
Next time I get a craving I will give myself a very stern talking to! Either that or I’ll come onto the helpline. I have used the helpline before when I was having cravings and it worked.
I hope you are doing well in your recovery Nick.
Lots of love xxx

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