[akapmat]

Well it’s two weeks since I last had a wager. One of my barriers is still down due to the cc company and I have not been tempted to use it……pretty good. Hoping to pay about 10% of my debt off in the next 10 days, so will then request a lower limit on my cc. It’s an achievable goal and within touching distance, so fingers crossed that I stick to the plan.
Weekend, my weakness, ahead, lots of things on my mind including betting. Feeling pretty down, but for other reasons not gambling related. When I feel like this, I usually escape to the world of gambling. Worst thing I can do is to start feeling sorry for myself, but hard not to.
Odaat……next 48 hours, it will be more like a minute at a time.

[akapmat]

Wonder if anyone has had this thought or is it just me……..
I am a cg trying to stop, doing well, day 13 done! As a result of making a positive change, something negative just got thrown at me and I wonder if its because I stopped gambling? Would it have happened if I kept gambling? I know it’s stupid of me to think like this, reverse karma, does it exist? So, is it just me and my pessimistic, self-loathing gambling personality shining through?

[akapmat]

Day 12…..done!
I really don’t have too much to write, but I made a promise to myself when I started that I would take time to gather my thoughts and write them down. It’s good to check in and remind myself, that even though I am feeling better, I have just started, (odaat) Positive thoughts to all……

[akapmat]

Missed my entry yesterday, due to be being crazy busy. Good news, no thoughts of putting a bet on. Today, pretty much the same. Clearly, it’s the weekends that are going to be the issue. Baseball season started and I didn’t place a bet on season totals, meaning I don’t have to follow a team he entire summer. Big, big decisions about work this week. Extra work, extra money, possibility of being out of debt by the summer. However, been here before, but this time I have a sense of purpose, it’s only 3 months and I can clear my cc debt for good and then close the accounts!
Neva, laughed at your comment. I hope you are staying strong and finding ways to become more social. I figure dealing with one issue at a time is a good enough. I can work on being pleasant to other people when I clear my debt.
Definitely feel good about writing this entry, it does help to see things in word and get it off my chest.
Things can change quickly, remaining vigilant……Odaat.

[Author]

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