[aj9798]

he went to his first GA meeting.  He came home in a good ****, but he did say that others seem to have it worse than him.  I told him that its not true, they are are struggeling the same way and just express differently.  most of them are on machines and my husband does games sports so  I hope he sees that is all the same.  I am proud of him for going, he got his first metal?  not sure what that is? 

[aj9798]

I went to my first support meeting and unfortuantly there was only 2 of us….its the only one in my community and people just don’t use it.  Im bummed about that as I know there are people out there that could benfit.  I did go to my own couselor today though and had a good session.  I am having an attorney draw up a contract that if we were to get divorsed that he will take responcibility for the 40k in credit card debt that he has….this will show him that I am serious and wont take on his debt.  Its all hard, I think about this every minute of every day.  Today one of my employee quit so that adds an additional burden to my already heavy plate.

[aj9798]

you guys are too good to me, I always feel like a burden when I need someones help…I sit in my couselors chair and feel guilty we are not talking more about her too even though I am paying her to help me.  I love this man, or I wouln’t be helping him like I am…I can’t imagine my life without him and I don’t want to.  My support group is tonight and I am excited to meet others that can relate to this, and I am thankful to have found you all!

[aj9798]

Jenny, thanks for replying.  I agree with everything you have said.  If I don’t pay these bookies, what then??  they come to my home with my children??  He has a job but his check goes right into our bill paying account so even if he paid, it is really coming from me anyway……….he works 60 hours a week and we also have the business that we both work at and hope to sell so I can’t even fathem him working another part time job to pay this.  UGGGGGGGGG!!!  So frustrating.  I know I can put my heart into helping him recover and to get through this, but I know if he does this again, I will be out.  I am on pins and needles already about the "next time".   I thank God he hasn’t touched my credit.  Too bad when we sell our business, the 45k in debt he accumulated will be paid by his share of the proceeds.  what a waste

[aj9798]

Velvet, thank you for the words.  My husband does admit he has a problem.  he has been seeing a councelor 2 ***** and is starting ga meetings.  he was to go to his first one a few days back and called me from the hospital saying he coudln’t find it….its frustrating because he should have looked up the information prior to going to make sure he had the location right.  Now this week he is to go again and i don’t think he has looked up the location and I honestly think that he ***** the intiative to do that himself.  He relys on me for everything.  I know below it says I shouldnt pay off his debt, but his bookies were on him and I had to pay $500 (or so i thought $500)….he told me today that it was $5000 and I dropped the wrong amount off.  What the heck??  now he wants me to drive 30 miles one way out of my busy day tomorrow to drop off another 4500 because his job doesn’t let him take time off of work?  I have to work all day, do this **** for him, throw 4500 dollars away and come home to my kids, get them fed, go to a pre school activity…..and Im assuming Ill come home to see him on the couch drinking after he gets off of work.  he has been sick for a week and a half due to heat exhaustion (he works outside in the 100 degree heat)….and he lays around every minute he gets.   I read below that I am not to make threats to him I can’t keep and I agree, but I am i supposed to just not be ******??  I would think that would make his recovery harder to do, but I dont think he should just get a slide because he is a sick "addict"??  I started off so sad about all of this, and I am just getting more and more mad.  I don’t want to work, I have lost all interest in life.  I dread everything and my kids dont desearve this kind of mom.  im lost, just going through motions and my work life is falling apart.

[aj9798]

thank you so much for responding. when I look at him its like he is not there….he is in a physical way but now that I know he is a ****, in my heart, half of him is gone. I dont know on a every day basis to just act like it hasn’t happened and just move along while we are all in therapy??? I have a 14 and 15 year old, do they need to know?

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