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Hi P,
I think you may have figured this out before I did (lol), but I thought I’d share it with you anyway!
Are you maybe having trouble posting on the new site?
I’m running around sharing a way that I figured out for getting my comments to post at the end of the thread instead of landing somewhere in the middle.
Here it is if you’re interested:
Don’t use the “Add new comment” box for typing your comments.
Instead, click on the dark purple “reply” button (next to the “Complain about a message” button) just under the last comment posted on the thread.
When you click on the “reply” button, a new window pops up where you can type in your comment. Then when you hit “Save”, your comment will post at the tail end of the thread like it’s supposed to!
This new site looks like it’s going to have some really cool features, and I think we’re all going to like them once the GT team gets all the kinks worked out!Adele
Hi Sol,
Are you maybe having trouble posting on the new site?
I’m running around sharing a way that I figured out for getting my comments to post at the end of the thread instead of landing somewhere in the middle.
Here it is if you’re interested:
Don’t use the “Add new comment” box for typing your comments.
Instead, click on the dark purple “reply” button (next to the “Complain about a message” button) just under the last comment posted on the thread.
When you click on the “reply” button, a new window pops up where you can type in your comment. Then when you hit “Save”, your comment will post at the tail end of the thread like it’s supposed to!
I hope this helps and you start posting again soon.
This new site has some really cool features I think we’re all going to like once the GT team gets all the kinks worked out!
Adele
Hi Bettie,
Are you maybe having trouble posting on the new site?
I’m running around sharing a way that I figured out for getting my comments to post at the end of the thread instead of landing somewhere in the middle.
Here it is if you’re interested:
Don’t use the “Add new comment” box for typing your comments.
Instead, click on the dark purple “reply” button (next to the “Complain about a message” button) just under the last comment posted on the thread.
When you click on the “reply” button, a new window pops up where you can type in your comment. Then when you hit “Save”, your comment will post at the tail end of the thread like it’s supposed to!
I hope this helps.
This new site has some really cool features I think we’re all going to like once the GT team gets all the kinks worked out!
Adele
Are you maybe having trouble posting on the new site?
I’m running around sharing a way that I figured out for getting my comments to post at the end of the thread instead of landing somewhere in the middle.
Here it is if you’re interested:
Don’t use the “Add new comment” box for typing your comments.
Instead, click on the dark purple “reply” button (next to the “Complain about a message” button) just under the last comment posted on the thread.
When you click on the “reply” button, a new window pops up where you can type in your comment. Then when you hit “Save”, your comment will post at the tail end of the thread like it’s supposed to!
I hope this helps and you start posting again soon.
This new site has some really cool features I think we’re all going to like once the GT team gets all the kinks worked out!
Adele
Sirena,
You are a study in critical thinking and I am appreciatively fascinated with your ability to convey your experiences and thought processes. I am always enlightened by your posts. If you have those lost posts somewhere, I hope you will copy them back in to your thread.
Stay strong,
Adele
Hi Debbie,
Are you maybe having trouble posting on the new site?
I’m running around sharing a way that I figured out for getting my comments to post at the end of the thread instead of landing somewhere in the middle.
Here it is if you’re interested:
Don’t use the “Add new comment” box for typing your comments.
Instead, click on the dark purple “reply” button (next to the “Complain about a message” button) just under the last comment posted on the thread.
When you click on the “reply” button, a new window pops up where you can type in your comment. Then when you hit “Save”, your comment will post at the tail end of the thread like it’s supposed to!
I hope this helps and you start posting again soon.
This new site has some really cool features I think we’re all going to like once the GT team gets all the kinks worked out!
Adele
Hi Carole,
Are you maybe having trouble posting on the new site?
I’m running around sharing a way that I figured out for getting my comments to post at the end of the thread instead of landing somewhere in the middle.
Here it is if you’re interested:
Don’t use the “Add new comment” box for typing your comments.
Instead, click on the dark purple “reply” button (next to the “Complain about a message” button) just under the last comment posted on the thread.
When you click on the “reply” button, a new window pops up where you can type in your comment. Then when you hit “Save”, your comment will post at the tail end of the thread like it’s supposed to!
I hope this helps and you start posting again soon.
This new site has some really cool features I think we’re all going to like once the GT team gets all the kinks worked out!
Adele
Dear San,
You have been through so much. I can only imagine the gamut of emotions you are experiencing as you await news.
As bad as things sound like they were for him today, I believe he has been in similar dire situations before, and he has always been resourceful and managed to get by somehow.
Whether this was another desperate attempt to manipulate or a serious effort to end his pain, he made the choice to do what he did. I’m sure you realize it is still his addiction to deal with and there still is nothing you can do to force him to change.
It is possible that he resorted to this tactic in order to ‘surrender’ himself to institutional care. Who could ever really know given the depths of deception this addiction is capable of?I hope for your sake (and his of course), whatever his intent, that this serves as the beginning of his recovery.
And I sincerely hope you have someone to lean on during this time. You and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight.Adele
***San – I’m sorry some of your posts from the 15th didn’t make it over to the new site. This is what I posted to you that night… and then the site when down. I was so relieved that your son was OK once the site came back up***
Dear Chedum,
I know it takes a lot of courage to write that first post – so good for you having done so. I hope you feel you have come to a place that is right for you. Read the stories of others on this forum (Friends and Family) and you will see very quickly that you are not alone in the chaos life becomes while loving an active compulsive gambler (CG). You now have lots of people to talk to who truly understand.
You must feel like your life has spun out of control and nothing makes sense anymore. Your mind is filled with thoughts of your boyfriend’s lies and irrational behavior, and nobody understands how frustrated, frightened, angry and hurt you are. It seems you have been trying unsuccessfully to live with the emotional and financial damage your boyfriend’s gambling has caused.
The experience you had with the Life Coach sounds awful! Unfortunately not all therapists and counselors are trained specifically in compulsive gambling, some are not a good fit, and possibly some are just idiots (lol). Did you have any input in that session?
Gamblers Anonymous has a list of 20 questions that can help determine if someone has a gambling problem. You can find them – and tons of additional information – in the Resources tab at the top of this page, but here is a link directly to the’ 20 Questions’: http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/content/20-questions
Maybe you could print them off and just leave it where he will see them. He might read them and realize he is not alone. And just maybe it will help him realize that you are seeking help and treating his addiction seriously even if he is not.
I did not recognize my CG husband either, and it was difficult to love him and want to be with him. My house was a disaster and my life was a mess. But things have been changing for the better with the knowledge and support I’ve gotten primarily on this site.
The first and most important thing I learned here is that we cannot make our CGs stop gambling: We cannot make them change. Trust me, I have tried EVERTHING, and my CG still gambles.
The second most important thing I learned is the only thing I can change is ME. I have taken steps against his addiction to protect myself and limit the financial damage, and I have developed coping skills that limit the emotional damage.
You have the ability to change too Chedum. You do not have to live with addiction controlling your life. Everything you need to begin your recovery you can find here on this site.
You need strength and knowledge of this addiction. With strength and knowledge you can develop better coping skills. With better coping skills you will learn to take care of yourself – financially and emotionally. And when you begin to take care of yourself you will find peace.Although it is not recognized professionally, the following is an analogy whereby the addiction to gamble is regarded as a separate entity from our CG. Used early on, this coping method gives non-CGs something to point the finger at, something to blame and something to hate – and it allows us to continue to love and support our CG, which would otherwise seem an impossible task. In no way does this provide an excuse for or allow the CG to deny accountability for the poor choices they’ve made while active in their addiction.
You may have already read something similar in other posts, but here is my adapted version anyway:
Imagine your boyfriend’s addiction as a slavering beast in the corner of the room. As long as you keep your cool and don’t threaten the addiction it stays quiet … but it never sleeps.
Your boyfriend is controlled by that addiction – but you are not.When you threaten the addiction with confrontation it comes between you and takes control of the conversation or argument. Suddenly you are confused, nothing makes sense, and you don’t know which way to turn.
Once riled and in control all you hear is the addiction – you no longer recognize the person speaking. This beast only knows lies and deceit and it will say and do anything to protect its stronghold, and to make you feel blame and demoralize you.
When you try to speak with logic and reason, the addiction distorts your words so that your boyfriend cannot possibly comprehend your meaning.This addiction is the master of threats and manipulation. It enjoys your confusion and the chaos it creates around you. It thrives on confrontation.
When I first came here this concept really helped me to realize the futility in confronting and questioning my husband. It only served to further frustrate ME … he could carry on as ‘tho nothing happened!
I hope you will familiarize yourself with the Forums, and visit the live chat rooms in Group Therapy (under What’s On and When) where you can communicate with advisors and members in real time.
Keep posting on your thread – it is good therapy, and it allows us to offer you support and encouragement.
Adele
Dear Ell,
I know this is something you have been so afraid of not being able to find again with your wonderful husband.
You both have worked so very hard, and you share such a deep love for one another. So now, finally, you can laugh and love and begin to really enjoy your busy, beautiful life! You have made me smile once again.
French author Albert Camus said, “There is scarcely any passion without struggle.”
Adele
my update
Permalink Submitted by ell on Fri, 09/27/2013 – 11:57
hello ..
I miss the old site but life is changing and we can deal with the new site too . Need little time and we use to it.
My cg is still free- he is still going to his mettings and he is comipment. we work too much but my update is that we came a liitle closer . We are not just polite .
Velvet i told him that i love him! That was when the ice broke.
I felt woman again. I felt relieved.
We are more free now , and we laugh easily .Im not saying that we dont struggle but we struggle and smiling too. I think that is a positive think . He told me that im a very very close person when someone hurt me but he is still here to make me open again .
He is now almost i year when i learn the truth …and i think that we made some good steps …the next year will be better.