[adele]

San –

I don’t know what you are going through right now specifically, but I would imagine whatever it is, you have been through it before and it fits somewhere in that F&F Cycle we are all so familiar with.

I assume you are once again being emotionally abused and your health is going to suffer because of it. San, I know how awful it is to feel weak and manipulated, and I hope you are able to chat with someone soon.

In the meantime let me just remind you it is OK to reject your son’s addiction – it doesn’t mean you are rejecting him. In fact, to love him is to stand against his addiction!

San, you must take care of yourself. you will be no good to anyone if you let this addiction take you down. Do you keep that list of “answers” handy? Or that list of positive thoughts?

You know enough to realize that as long as your son has enablement, he may not be able to make the decision to stop gambling. And until he makes that decision you have the right to say no. If you are fed up, turn off your phone for awhile … get a new number … move … wear a disguise … whatever it takes to allow you some peace to take care of yourself.

Let us know how you’re doing and know you are being thought of and wished well.

Adele

[adele]

” …And we’ll say baby ain’t it all worthwhile when the healing has begun?”
the Van

Adele

[adele]

Okay V and Harry, here it is … an update from Adele…. Thanks so much for your posts! It is such a blessing to know someone really cares ….

First … I am inebriated (admittedly) having just returned from a long Happy Hour with my very best long time girlfriends who knew nothing of my husband’s addiction and what we have been going through until tonight …. Yep, I was determined to drink enough to tell them about what has been going on in my life.

My best friend has known all along, but these other 2 women are like sisters … maybe better… Lord help me it was gut wrenching, but they did not judge me, they only have compassion and concern for me … why did I not tell them sooner?
We have been through so much together … I have known and loved them for 30 years!

I am so relieved …. I may wake up tomorrow regretting my drunken confessions, but I don’t think so. There is something so special about a deep-seated relationship with women who know you so well and love you anyway.

Let me see now if I can summarize what has gone in “my house” recently …
My Silver Anniversary (9-3-13) was basically a non-event … hubby gave me a sweet card, but for the first time in our marriage, I did not have an anniversary card or a birthday card for him .. I just had no feelings in that way … (his bd is 8/25) .. I felt bad sort of … but not terribly … he seemed to understand.

Fast forward to this last week: I got really sick on Sunday and went to the doctor on Tuesday (pneumonia) and my physician told me I shouldn’t be alone, so I texted my husband to come home… which he did (about 5 hours later). He ended up falling asleep at the wheel at 3 am Wednesday morning and rolling his truck out in the middle of nowhere …. My worst nightmare come true.

Long story short, he is, for the most part okay, and home right now until he sees a surgeon tomorrow … has no means to gamble although the creditors are hounding him multiple times daily. I’m trying to see this whole event as a weird blessing in disguise …
I apologize if this is disjointed and doesn’t make sense ….. I drank 5 Fresheritas (yummiest thing EVER!) tonight … and I am feeling absolutely no pain of any sort right now! But I knew I was going to post something tonight no matter what.

I think I should mention that I have been a bit astounded that I was not more strongly affected by my husband’s wreck (and near death experience) … I mean I was upset – sort of – but I was so out of it with fever and infection, I just basically went back to sleep when he called me to tell me he had had a bad wreck! What’s wrong with me?
Okay, that’s enough for now … I’ll probly read this tomorrow and say “oops!!” and delete the whole thing! (no I won’t … sorry, this is just me in the raw)
I really really hope everyone is getting the hang of the new website and … Vera – keep trying PLEASE! – and I hope if you stayed away for any reason that you will come back soon!!!
Goodnight everyone ….

Adele

[adele]

Bem, Harry, você escolheu um bom momento para ficar doente, não é? Eu também tive pneumonia por mais de uma semana agora .. ugh … espero que você esteja bem e se sentindo melhor. Então, você está dizendo que se minha configuração de Perfil estiver marcada para Notificação de Acompanhamento de Conteúdo, receberei um e-mail quando qualquer comentário for feito nesse tópico. Mas se a caixa Acompanhamento de comentários estiver marcada, só receberei notificações quando alguém clicar no botão Responder em um comentário que eu fiz? (desculpe, eu sou um pouco estúpido) Estou muito feliz em ouvir sobre os Guias do Usuário. Muitos estão lutando com o novo site – inclusive eu. Você vai escrever – e editar / revisar você mesmo? Adele

[adele]

Well, Harry, you picked a fine time to get sick didn’t you? Ha
I’ve had pneumonia myself for over a week now .. ugh … I hope you’re okay and feeling better.

So you’re saying if my Profile setting is checked for Content Follow-up Notification, I’ll get an email when any comment is made to that thread. But if the Comment Follow-up box is checked then I will only get notifications when someone clicks on the Reply Button in a comment that I made? (sorry, I’m a little dense)

I’m so glad to hear about the User Guides. So many are struggling with the new site – myself included. Will you be writing – and editing/proofing them yourself?

Adele

[adele]

Bem, Harry, você escolheu um bom momento para ficar doente, não é? Eu também tive pneumonia por mais de uma semana agora .. ugh … espero que você esteja bem e se sentindo melhor. Então, você está dizendo que se minha configuração de Perfil estiver marcada para Notificação de Acompanhamento de Conteúdo, receberei um e-mail quando qualquer comentário for feito nesse tópico. Mas se a caixa Acompanhamento de comentários estiver marcada, só receberei notificações quando alguém clicar no botão Responder em um comentário que eu fiz? (desculpe, eu sou um pouco estúpido) Estou muito feliz em ouvir sobre os Guias do Usuário. Muitos estão lutando com o novo site – inclusive eu. Você vai escrever – e editar / revisar você mesmo? Adele

[adele]

Hi Vera,

Your post to me (above) landed in just the right spot… However Velvet’s post to me on the 29th did not! HA!

I think you will be notified by email about my response here because I clicked on the purple “reply” button under your post to me before typing this in the “comment” box.

This is one of the cool things about the new site. The emails are generated automatically by the website though, not by the members. GT would never give your email address out to anyone without your explicit permission.

I know you’re having a tough time, so I hope you will “come in out of the rain” and give this site a chance to grow on you. I think it’s going to be something else!

Adele

[adele]

Olá Harry, adoro este novo recurso. Você pode explicar a diferença entre e-mails de notificação de acompanhamento de "Conteúdo" e "Comentário"? Obrigado! Adele

[adele]

Hi Harry,

I love this new feature.

Can you please explain the difference between “Content” and “Comment” follow-up notification emails?

Thanks!

Adele

[adele]

Olá Harry, adoro este novo recurso. Você pode explicar a diferença entre e-mails de notificação de acompanhamento de "Conteúdo" e "Comentário"? Obrigado! Adele

[adele]

Concordo pienamente Sirena. Il problema dell'eccesso di censura mi ha fatto arrabbiare di più quando il sito è finalmente tornato. Non riuscivo nemmeno a capire alcuni dei miei post! Vorrei tanto aver pensato di copiare tutto il mio post prima che finisse. Alcune altre parole che vengono sostituite con asterischi: ***, bisogno, ****, paura, droga, *****, materia, rubato, ***, umore, alcolizzato, imbroglio e una delle mie parole preferite in la lingua inglese … ****. I miei pensieri erano: "Il 'nuovo tono' del nostro sito Web con il suo atteggiamento 'entra nel nostro bel sito' sarà tale da non poter più usare parole che potrebbero, IN QUALSIASI MODO, essere percepite come offensive? dovremmo rendere tutti i nostri post piacevoli e parlare di cose solo in modo carino ora? (perché non c'è niente di carino in questa malattia!)" Spero sinceramente che questo sia solo un problema temporaneo che deriva dall'uso di alcuni software di modello di dipendenza generico o qualcosa del genere e non l'hanno ancora modificato. TO GT: 1. La censura è un tentativo intenzionale di alleggerire il tono del sito? 2. Se lo è, pensi che ti "alleggerirai" sulla censura? Adele

[adele]

I completely agree Sirena. The censor overkill issue made me the angriest when the site finally came back up. I couldn’t even understand some of my own posts! I so wish I had thought to copy my whole post before it went down.

Some other words that are replaced with asterisks :
***, need, ****, fear, drug, *****, matter, stole, ***, mood, alcoholic, cheat and one of my favorite words in the English language … ****.

My thoughts were, “Is the ‘new tone’ of our website with it’s ‘come on in to our pretty site’ attitude going to be such that we can no longer use words that might, IN ANY WAY, be perceived as offensive? Will we be expected to make all of our posts pleasant and only talk about things in a pretty way now? (‘cos there ain’t nothing pretty about this disease!)”

I sincerely hope this is just a temporary glitch that stems from using some generic addiction model software or something and they just haven’t gotten it modified yet.

TO GT:
1. Is the censorship an intentional attempt to lighten up the tone of the website?
2. If it is, do you think you will “lighten up” on the censorship?

Adele

[adele]

Hi Vera,

I posted here earlier this evening – a nice long post – and now it’s gone. Before I try to reconstruct I’m going to wait and see if it shows back up in the morning. I saw a post do that last night!

Vera, please try to be patient. I know this site means a lot to you and I’m sure you don’t realize just how much you would be missed if you stopped coming here.

If you’d like, I can type up directions using print screens from the site and ask Harry to email them to you. Just let me know – I wouldn’t mind a bit!

But please don’t let this get the best of you. I’ve been hoping and praying that the downtime, and now the glitches with our new site would not cause too much frustration for everyone – especially for those of you who might cope by gambling. We all know the GT Team would have wished for a more desirable outcome for all their efforts.

Hopefully my other post will show back up soon. And I hope to see you posting successfully soon.

Adele

[adele]

Vera,

I was so frustrated at first I wouldn’t even attempt to post because I figured I would just spew asterisks everywhere (he he), so I decided to just go on a posting strike! …lol …

But then I remembered how much this site means to me and how I would not have made it the last 5 months without the people here. I also reminded myself how rough computer conversions can be (thinking back on my working experience).

Anyway, I think we are all especially frustrated because this site DOES mean so much to us, and I think we all also know the best way to get through it is with patience … and I hear you have a TON of that – just like me !!! Ha! ( I really hope you’re grinning right now )

To post a comment on your thread (or anybody elses) click on the dark purple “reply” button first (it’s at the bottom of the lite purple box of the last post on the thread ), enter your comment in the new comment box that pops up, then hit “save” and it should place your post properly at the end of the thread.

Check the forum called “Feedback and Suggestions” for more information .. I posted a thread about this specifically. I hope it is a temporary fix until they get it fixed.

I’m going to continue posting threads there as I figure things out and learn more about the new site, and I hope everybody else will too. Katie has encouraged us to use that forum for feedback, questions, etc., and has already addressed a few issues there.

I hope you take all this in the spirit it was inteded (with me that usually involves a bit of teasing), but mostly I hope you take a deep breath and keep trying til you get the hang of this … you would be sorely missed if you disappeared from GT!!

Adele

[adele]

Hi Uncontrolled,

Great post! (except for the lost job of course – except now you’re travelling since you aren’t working! ) Ha…

Are you maybe having trouble posting on the new site?

I’m running around sharing a way that I figured out for getting my comments to post at the end of the thread instead of landing somewhere in the middle.

Here it is if you’re interested:

Don’t use the “Add new comment” box for typing your comments.

Instead, click on the dark purple “reply” button (next to the “Complain about a message” button) just under the last comment posted on the thread.

When you click on the “reply” button, a new window pops up where you can type in your comment. Then when you hit “Save”, your comment will post at the tail end of the thread like it’s supposed to!

This new site looks like it’s going to have some really cool features, and I think we’re all going to like them once the GT team gets all the kinks worked out!

Adele

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