[Adam26]

Hey people. Still kicking on. Still going strong. I was going to post last week on my 200th day, but after Liverpool lost to Man U I couldn’t muster any ability to care about anything. Should be used to it by now.
Wednesday will mark 30 weeks for me. Saving has slowed down but I think I’m starting to come to terms with it being a slow process. I’m working this whole week as the boss is away. Nice little earner towards the trip to Alton Towers I’ve booked for the lady and me end of next month.

[Adam26]

I’ve been so busy trying to get straight as a single occupant in my house that I’ve missed out on quite a few things recently. Number one, I haven’t been putting much time into keeping up with this journal. But I’ll continue to check in from time to time. Number two, I’ve been trying to sort things at home so much, I’m constantly spending at the moment and not having chance to add to my savings. Three, I missed a milestone it seems. I’ve been gamble free for just over six months! That’s pretty badass to be fair. But it’s not been without temptation. I’m still continually tempted by the machines at work, but so far my rational thought Is winning every time. Just today, I had to open the secretary’s office to let someone do work on the roof. I noticed an opened box on the side. Inside the box were thousands of unopened cards from the machine downstairs. The cards are basically a quid each. You pull off the tabs, if you match 3 symbols, you can win money. Fortunately I’m not in a stage of blood lust where it was impossible for me not to take some. I left them well alone, once again realising how far I could slip if I got back on the gambling slope.
I had a horrible dream the other night. It kinda made sense and it didn’t. I remember my mother asked to borrow my iPad. I got a nervous feeling she’d see my bank account but I handed it over anyway. She immediately logged onto my bank for some reason. I snatched it off her and started screaming at her for looking. She didn’t say a word. I eventually went to bed. I also remember lying there thinking, she’s gonna come up to see if I’m ok soon and I’ll be able to explain and say sorry. She never came and I woke up feeling awful. I think it’s more a fear of the silent disappointment that worry’s me the most.
My girlfriend asked about my gambling the other night. I was late out of work waiting for people to leave. She basically said, it’s probably not a problem anymore because you’ve not mentioned it. But your still off gambling aren’t you? I didn’t lie, but I only told half the truth. I said, as she knows, I’ve had my problems. But so far I’m on 27 weeks without gambling and I’m hoping I’m done for good. She was proud of me and said she’s always there if I need to talk. It’s a tempting offer, but I know her too well to know she’d never understand my actions when I was at my lowest…

[Adam26]

I’ve actually had a lot of thoughts recently about gambling. I think I might be starting to miss it. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, but lately at work I’ve been seeing people play the bandits, and watched from afar with jealous eyes. I’ve been having the odd flash thought about how easy it would be to drop back into old habits. So far, my rational mind has been winning. The urge has never been so greater than it was last week. Over something so silly too. I was trying to do an online food shop with Tesco and it wasn’t having it. Even though I’ve used my card before it just said no! I figured it was Tesco and tried Asda instead. Same problem. Wasn’t having my card. I was SO annoyed. My first thoughts were “oh my god I just wanna spend some money!!” If I was still on Betfred’s books I’m certain I’d of been there in a flash. As it happens, my card had been blocked by the fraud team again because of some irregular activity. Logging my card details into Tesco about 30 times probably didn’t help. All sorted now and I’m still on track. Cautious but on track.

[Adam26]

Well I’ve certainly come back to work at the right time. There’s tainted water in my area. We’ve been warned not to drink it or wash up with it. Try running a pub with no water! Bloody ball ache! It’s all back to normal anyway, I’m sat here waiting for bloody Coors to turn up! They’ve been on time for the two weeks I was off. Too much to ask for them to keep it going I guess…
I’ve not been able to save any money for a few weeks. Parents have finally moved out too, so I’ve got a house to do up and bills to pay. Guess I should probably eat too. Hopefully when the dust settles I’ll be able to start putting a bit aside again.

[Adam26]

I guess I should make a post on here. It’s been over two weeks since my last one. I’ve just had 2 weeks holiday from work. It’s my first day back today and it feels like I’m here for a rest! It’s not often that the lady friend and I are off at the same time, so we took the opportunity to work on some things in the house. New bed, new furniture, paint for the walls, lots of clearing up and chucking out! It’s been a hectic couple of weeks. Spent a nice day in Widermere and went out for a nice meal Friday and Saturday. Other than that I’ve spent my two week holiday from work… Working! I can safely say though, for the entire fortnight, I’ve not had a single thought towards gambling!

[Adam26]

Been a week since my last post. I’ve found myself having less and less to post about these days. I guess you could call that progress. Maybe I should make more effort in case I fall back into bad habits. There’s a couple that come over from Manchester every now and then. If they’re over, chances are, they spend most of their time in my place of work. Thing is, they’re MASSIVE gamblers. They’ll spend all day back and forth to the various machines at work. They’ll win, they’ll (obviously) lose. When you see people putting SO much money into these machines, it’s hard not to feel a flutter inside. The mental ‘what ifs’ start to make their way to the front of your brain. So far I’ve not acted but I can’t say I haven’t thought about it on a few occasions. But I’ve stayed clear, kept on working and gone home with my days intact.
A few months ago, a long serving member and trustee of my workplace died. He was a nice fella who I got on with well. He rubbed people up the wrong way sometimes but you can’t say he didn’t care about this club. That was evident in his will when we found out he’d left 30+ thousand to the place. Basically, from a selfish point of view, I have job security for a fair few years yet. It might even last long enough for me to be running the place.
I’ll be having a couple of weeks off work starting next Monday. I’m looking forward to the rest from work, but I know it won’t be long before I’m agitated at being couped up. I’ll be spending the time with the lady friend and I’m sure she’ll have a few jobs for me to be doing. Need to start preparing for my parents moving out too, which should be any time now. I’ll have a lot of stuff to do at home. Not least save up to pay my bills!

[Adam26]

Missed it yesterday. But it was 20 weeks and counting. Must admit, I still have the odd bad time thinking about my savings. But all in all I feel much happier not gambling. Just need to keep it up and stay strong.

[Adam26]

Today has knocked me back a bit. My TV took a turn for the worst so I decided to go to a cheap TV place a friend was telling me about. I could of easily walked out with a half decent TV for 200 quid. But instead I was wowed by the amazing ones they had on display. The trouble is, the one that I have that’s decided it no longer wants to be part of my life, is a 46 inch LED 3D TV. So anything less is gonna annoy me now. I went to the store hoping to spend 200 max but left with a curved TV costing £925. That’s not the annoying bit. I had to transfer £1000 out of my savings to pay for it. So from nearly 6 grand a couple of weeks ago, I’m back down to 4! It’s just knocked me a bit to see how hard it is to save money. I’ve taken two grand out in the last two weeks and haven’t saved a penny. I think the next step is to sell a few more items from my collection. Unfortunately I’ve sold most of my spares and now have very little to show for it.
This journal has become less about my inability to stop gambling and more about my inability to save any money.

[Adam26]

97 days is awesome Mav. I don’t drink, never tried cigs or drugs of any kind. So I can’t help you on how to celebrate. A nice meal that you’ve bought and paid for with money you didn’t waste gambling might be nice. I treat myself that way sometimes. In fact, I did it after 100 days myself. I just didn’t mention what the significance of the meal was to the people I was with. I’m on week 19 today. Nothing to celebrate though because I know I’ve been up to the low 40’s. I think 42 weeks is my LIFE record, since I started gambling about 17 years ago.
At the moment I’m working. I’m working a funeral. Most people have gone. Only the hard core remain. There’s been arguments. There’s been tantrums. There’s been plenty of drinking. Hopefully the remainder will soon shuffle away without incident. Last time we had a funeral there was one guy who just flat out refused to leave at the end of the night. He was shouting and swearing at me. Thinking on my feet, I remembered that the 6 foot odd, muscle bound, man mountain Tony was downstairs. As he was leaving, I just mentioned to Tony that the guy was giving me a bit of grief. I turned my back for 10 seconds and he was gone. Result!

[Adam26]

I feel like I’ve not had a good moan on a Tuesday for weeks and weeks. Truth is, Coors have been spot on and arriving on time recently. I’ve actually been leaving on time which is a rare site. It’s been a week since I posted last. To be honest, I’ve not had any inclination to playing the bandits… and I’ve been working quite a lot of hours recently. I’m not gonna stand here and say I’m completely cured. I do t think I’ll ever be able to say that. But I’m happy with the progress I’ve made up to press.
I’ll be spending again soon. My partners son turns 21 next week. We’re taking him to Liverpool to get a new iPhone. Bloody things are expensive! There’s every chance I’ll have to get myself the new Liverpool shirt too. I took the girl to see Jurassic World the other day. I’ve been looking forward to it since I heard the news over a year ago. Like most films that come out usually pass me by in the cinema due to work commitments. But I had a spare few hours and just had to see it. My god I’m glad I did. I took me back to a 7 year old self, seeing Jurassic Park for the first time. Pure popcorn, summer blockbuster fun. I loved every minute. I really need to make more effort to do things I enjoy, instead of just being a slave to my job! Tickets go on sale for the first half of the season tomorrow. Hopefully I can grab a game or two. Not holding out much hope though as I didn’t manage to get any in the second half of last season. Plus, we have James Milner now so surely that’ll sell a few more thousand seats…
Anyway, 19 weeks tomorrow and still not out!

[Adam26]

Holy shit it’s hot today! 29 degrees is a good heat to be working inside… Said no one… Ever!
Back down to 5 grand in my savings. I was knocking on 6 grands door a few weeks ago but I’ve been a bit of a mad spender recently. I finally got my first pair of Gerrard boots a while back after searching about ten years. Now all of a sudden I’ve got myself another pair. Couple that with the pair of match worn Alonso boots I’ve just negotiated off another collector and the 390 quid necklace I bought the lady, it’s been a busy few weeks for my bank account. So far I’ve not been tempted back into gambling. Well, that’s a lie. I’ve not gambled, but I’m still being tempted. Even as soon as an hour ago I listened to a fella playing the bandit at work. I can hear the coins passing through to let me know it’s ready to drop. I’ve mentioned before, it’s a guaranteed profit. But the point isn’t that I can get a quick win. The point is, that the win could and would lead to further losses and that’s what sobers me up when I stop and think about it.
I’ve recently acquired my first ever credit card this week. I need to build up a decent credit rating. Alarm bells will ring for some, but I’ve every confidence in myself to keep things under control. I let myself and my family down with what I originally did. I’m hell bent on eventually rectifying it.

[Adam26]

Well done for posting on the site. But this is my personal journal. You need to go back on the forum and create a new journal from scratch. Then you can post in it as often as you like and people will comment and get involved. I wish you luck at Gordon Moody.

[Adam26]

I guess I’m getting my karma for sacking that lad. I’ve been called into my work on my day off. Which means when I get my next day off on Monday, I’ll of only had one day off in the last 26 days! The other stupid bitch that works there occasionally likes to phone in sick about an hour before her shift. So I can’t say I’m a happy bunny today! I guess it’s extra pennies. But still pretty annoying. I got my lady friends son a job but he’s never done bar work before and still needs a lot of practice. I said he could come in tonight but he wasn’t confident enough to work the busiest night of the week. Anyway, whatever, I best get back to work…

[Adam26]

Been a few days since my last post. Finally finished my long work stint. Had a day off yesterday. Didn’t really know what to do with it, so I did nothing! It’s interesting how much I enjoy it when I’m in full charge of the place. I like to get everything sorted to how I like it. But then the boss comes back and starts doing things his way. I must admit I lose quite a bit of interest when that happens. I’m glad I sacked off that lad though that was on the rob. If I’d left it up to the boss he’d let him work here till he retired…
Anyway, back at work now. Can’t possibly think of having more than a day off. Back in and right back to waiting for Coors. Actually, that’s just out of habit. In fact, this week was great. Thwaites turned up at 10:15 and as soon as they pulled away, Coors pulled up. Perfect timing!
Had another savings block this last two weeks. I had a decent wage while the boss was away. I made roughly £900 not including tips for the hours I put in. Unfortunately temptation and a possibly bargain captured me. I saw another pair of match worn Gerrard boots from back in 2002. Perfect proof with them and everything. £550. Personally speaking, that’s a steal. Gerrard boots are fetching over a grand right now with less proof than these have with them. Is also agreed to buy my lady friend a new necklace to replace the one her previous partner bought her. I’m happy with that coz I don’t like the prick anyway. Trouble is, the necklace she picked was a 385 quid Tiffany & Co silver piece… There was some cheaper ones she was happy to settle with, but what’s the point of settling if it’s something she’ll wear every day. I also gave her £150 towards her monster electricity bill. In total dear readers, that comes to £1085. I managed to sell a pair of Raheem (the snake) Sterling match spec boots for £100. So in total, after two weeks of hard graft, after all said and done, and all the smoke has cleared, and all the sust has settled… I’ve managed to come away with minus £85. Hey ho, there’s always next week though right. Crap. As I’m writing this I just remembered my first £350 rent comes out next week. Oh well, there’s always the week after! I’m playing the long game now people!
Cheers for the encouragement izzi. Stay strong!

[Adam26]

Thanks for the words guys. Marko, I’ve already excluded myself from online gambling sites. I can’t really make meetings as the only happen when I’m working in my area. I wish you well on your road to recovery though bud.
Had a horrible dream last night. I didn’t actually dream about gambling. I dreamt that I had already gambled and was struggling with the realisation. I vividly remember struggling with the notion of lying to people on here about not gambling. I guess after this long I feel like I owe it to people on here to keep my streak going. In the end I was back to day one. Fortunately I woke up and after sweating for a few minutes a realised it was just a dream. Thankfully day 113 is still on track.

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