[Adam26]

Ok so today has been a week since my last gambling session. I’m glad I’ve made it to the week mark. Still plenty to do though. Really need to stay focused and strong. Had another setback a few days ago. My bike was stolen from the side of my work. It’s my only mode of transport and I use it every day. I’ve had to order another which has just set me back £480. I’m currently in the process of selling a few bits and bobs of my Liverpool collection to try and cover some/hopefully all of it. I guess these things happen to test us. I won’t be beaten just yet.

[Adam26]

The dust has just about settled on my latest spiral of self destruction. It’s the third day since I last gambled. I’ve paid my debts to the safe at work and my weeks wages have gone straight into my savings. Daft thing is, before I started, I’d hit my goal of reaching 10k savings (half of what I lost). I’d just finally reached it and the bottom fell out. My bottom fell out too. I’m currently on £8,500 and awaiting my next weekly wage which should be about £470. Basically these two recent weeks wages while the boss has been away were all for nothing. I’ve just worked for free. Cheers Adam. I saw my boss today and told him what I’d done. He seemed pretty surprised and dissappointed.
I think I’ve been panicking a bit because of my housing situation. I’m currently living in my parents house. They are living in a bungalow and had planned to eventually sell the house when I get a mortgage. Well things have changed. They can’t settle in the bungalow and it’s currently on the market. As soon as it sells they’re moving back into the house and I’ll be given the nudge. I’m still miles away from the £20k they expect me to have in my savings. I’m not sure how mortgages work, but I’m fairly sure they check your financial history. Does this mean a shady gambling past will be exposed? Will it effect me getting on? I don’t know. But I’m worried. Even more so since this latest jaunt has knocked me back a month or two in saving.
On the face of it though, I’m continuing as normal. I’ve been working hard and trying to keep my itchy fingers busy. Technically, I’ve been cleaning. A lot. I’ve also put a £500 purchase on my credit card. I’ve paid for me and the lady, her son and his girlfriend to go to Alton Towers for a couple of days in October for her birthday. Something else I need to save up for, but I don’t mind that. She shouldn’t have to suffer for my inability to stop chucking money at a chunky electronic thief.
Anyway, that’s enough from me. It’s only day 3 so I don’t wanna get too excited. I need to get past a week and I’ll start to feel a bit better I think… Maybe.

[Adam26]

gambled today. not in a good place. lost £1300.

[Adam26]

Note to self – Today is the first of many clean days.

[Adam26]

Thanks for your words guys. I’m proud of my days so far. But it’s not like I just started gambling and then immediately decided to stop. I’ve been through all manner of relapses over the past near 20 years. The difference I guess is the amount I lost. I know people are different and I’ve said it myself before that I needed it. I needed to lose that money. I honestly believe that I had to blow every penny of my savings to truely teach me a lesson. If I’d blown everything but a grand, then I’d of he a grand and a belief I could carry on. No money, no belief, no way back. Only forward, and that’s what I’ve done. I’m not saying that everyone needs to go out and blow everything to teach themselves a lesson, I’m just going off my own personal feeling. Whenever I think about gambling I only have to think back to that lowest point when I didn’t have two pennies to rub together and not a pot to piss in. It’s a lesson learned and one that I’m continuing to pay for. But that constant need to pay for my past bank account crimes is what keeps me going. I’m nowhere near where I want to be, but at 9 grand from zero in about 15 months is a pretty good start. I’d be much happier if I could continue at that rate without hassle, but constant pressure to get my own house sorted out is always chipping away at me. If only I could explain why I need more time. But I’m too much of a coward. It doesn’t help that money has been going out much more too. I bought my girlfriend a ps4 last night for £300. My rent goes out tomorrow, £250. Then all my bills go out this week too. So that’s like two or three weeks wages. Not much chance for saving. I’m starting to sound like I’m complaining now, so I’ll move on. I know that as long as I carry on working and not gambling, my savings will take care of themselves.
In other news, it’s been about 3 weeks since I did my back. It’s much better now, but it’s still seizing up every time I sit down. Liverpool lost their first major European final in 11 years. I watched it at work when I really didn’t want to. I don’t like interacting with people when it’s an important game. So after the final whistle I managed to have a blazing row with three deaf blokes. It’s easier than it sounds. As long as you can stick up your middle finger than do a five knuckle shuffle, you can string together a perfect sentence. Not my finest moment I know, but like I said, I didn’t want to watch it at work, my dad asked me to go. I’m hoping to get away for a bit soon. I’ve got a week off coming up in July so hopefully some nice weather will save itself for me.
Bye for now guys. Keep it real.

[Adam26]

I find the tally system of days helps me a lot. I started out like you. Around the same age on the same machines. I’m in Blackpool though, so imagine the options. I lost 19 grand of my savings on top of constantly losing my wages for years and years. Draw a line through it fella. Your money’s gone and you’re never getting it back. Just move forward with your life and your finances will take care of themselves. I’m on 1 year and 11 weeks today. Hopefully you can string some gamble free time together too. Good luck and stay strong.

[Adam26]

Feeling pretty sorry for myself at the moment. Not had a great few days. I’ll set the scene. To save time (and get a few extra minutes kip) I’ve taken to sorting the cellar out at work on a Saturday night. Because it’s quiet at the start and there’s three staff on, I disappear into the cellar and get all on Sunday mornings jobs done. Pretty much includes throwing all the empty barrels outside and rolling new ones into place. This Saturday just gone was no different, except that I was off Sunday since I had a ticket to go watch Liverpool. As I was throwing the barrels out the hatch, which is a good 4 foot lift, I felt a horrible shot go up my spine. It hurt initially but I finished chucking the rest out. Between the last barrel thrown and the walk back upstairs I was done! My back had totally gone. Not only could I now not walk without being in pain, I still had 3 hours to work. I managed to get some heat patches sand pain killers and battled through. Unfortunately the next morning I was totally unable to go to the football. Not through want of trying. I really tried! But some of my highlights of that morning were – 10 minutes to get out of bed. 15 minutes to put a sock on. 10 minutes to put on the other sock. 15 minutes to get downstairs to answer the door to let my mother in (fortunately carrying strong pain killers). I gave up in the end and spent the last two days in bed. Back at work now though. Bad decision I’m aware but I don’t like missing work. I’ve managed to graduate to something of a hunched shuffle, but I’m getting about. Got a long day tomorrow. 9am start for a bowling trip. Break at 6 till 8. Then finish at 12. Not looking forward to that one.
Anyway, that’s my status update. Still gamble free, just pissed off at my poor spinal structure. Take it easy everyone!

[Adam26]

I can’t say for certain. What will help you. For me as an individual, I find a day tally really helps me aim for goals. I’ve gone 1 year, 9 weeks and 3 days today. Adding to that helps to keep me responsible. It’s the longest I’ve gone in my gambling life so I want to keep it going as long as possible.

[Adam26]

Having lost all my savings too I can say it is very difficult to let go. You’re going to need to accept that your money is gone and you’ll never see it again. I can only tell you that it will get easier with every passing day. Easier, but it’s never easy. You have to be strong my friend. I was in your position over a year ago. £20,000 savings gone! My wages every week gone! But after just over 1 year and 9 weeks, I can say I’ve not gambled a day and have managed to save just under 9 grand back. Trust me. It will feel better earning your money back than winning it. Winnings are just losses in waiting. Good luck bud.

[Adam26]

I can’t possibly wish you luck on your bet. I really don’t think you’re understanding the point of the website. It seems you’re just upset you’ve got no money to gamble with. So, I wish you luck on your journey and hopefully in a future if I check back on your thread, you’ll of put together some gamble free time.

[Adam26]

No offence mate, but I think you need to lose that bet to really learn your lesson. I lost £16,000 once out of a £19,000 life savings. I managed to turn the remaining £3,000 back into £20,000. It was roughly a week after that, even though I vowed I was done, before I lost the lot. It’s the only way I was gonna learn. Now I’m over a year clean. Longest I’ve been since about 13 years old. Learn from your losses pal. Accept them and move on. Be strong.

[Adam26]

All winning is, is more chances to lose mate. Trust me. I’ve done £20,000 savings in. Most of which my grandparents left me when they died. I feel like I’ve pissed all over their memory. I’ve been gambling since I was about 13, so I dread to think what the total loss is… The best way I can think to solve it is to go completely gamble free and start saving. I can now say I’ve gone 1 year and 9 weeks today without gambling and I’ve managed to save nearly 9 grand back. You’ve just got to accept your mistakes and move on from them. We’re all better than this addiction. I look forward to seeing how you get on.

[Adam26]

I’m at work. I heard a crash. I felt a sharp pain. It hurts. I’m bleeding. I’m worried. Quick, grab a towel. Make it stop…
Have I captured you in yet? Literally minutes ago, a kind gentleman collected all the glasses in for me and put them on the bar. One of them fell over and shattered, shooting a piece off into my knuckle. It bled a tiny bit and hurt even less. But it sounded good at the start didn’t it. It gets pretty boring here so I was just trying to make it a bit more lively. I am in pain though. That bit was true. I’ve got another infection in my gum round my wisdom teeth. Just another in the long list I’ve had. Not sure why they call them wisdom teeth. If they had anything about them they’d of realised by now if they let tiny bits of food behind them, there’s gonna be problems. Dunno if it’s me stressing about the infection of something in the infection itself, but I get lots on nice little ulcers on my tongue to go with it. Oh the joy!
Other than having a nightmare in my mouth, I’ve got back into keeping fish. I’ve got a big tank set up already which I’ve made cold water and am currently growing some Koi. The idea was there, but unfortunately I got a shy batch. Out of the 8 I bought, I’ve seen the head of 1. I couldn’t see enough to determine if it were still attached to a body, but I’m hopeful. I’ve also set up a big Biorb which was gathering dust in the shed. I’ve decked it all out and fixed it up to support tropical fish. It’s cost me a fair bit but I’m hoping everything is in place now to maintain some healthy living. It’s not for everyone, but I find it pretty relaxing watching them on my break from work when I have my tea.
Been ticking over in my mind a bit recently. The new bandit at work has paid out three £500 jackpots in five weeks. If it were as frequent as that when I used to play it, maybe I wouldn’t of got as carried away. It’s pretty annoying seeing people win. Even now I still get that horrible feeling in my stomach when I have to pay out money to people that have won on the bandits at work. I still have that silent hatred for them as if they’ve just stolen from me. Again, I’m not sure that feelings like this will ever truely go away. I saw an advert for a betting site online. I never bet on sports, but Leicester are so sure to win the league title now, I contemplated what would happen if I put every penny I had on them to win. It wouldn’t be a massive cash back, but it would be something. There’s three games left and all they need to do is win one of them. Knowing my luck they’d probably blow it. Let’s say I hypothetically just put that bet on. Sorry Leicester. We’ll see in a few weeks if I’d of just lost everything all over again.
Hypothetical’s aside, I’m still plodding on. One year and nine weeks tomorrow. **quick side update. I just went to tap and vent a barrel of real ale. It’s currently on my face, arm and chest. The night gets better.** So yea, I’m staying strong. I’m resisting the constant pressure of working night under a bandits nose. Everything is, in the best part, going ok at the moment. Savings could be a bit better, but I’ve been having to shell out recently. Not as much chance to save. It’s getting there slowly but surely. I just need my mother to get off my back about getting my own house for a bit longer… Two years longer would be nice!

[Adam26]

As someone who started small myself I can safely say that you’ll only progress to greater things. I started off on twenty quid here and there and moved onto losing 8 grand in 20 minutes. 20 grand in total. Trust me when I say this, your money is gone. You’ll never get it back. It’s best to just write it off and learn from this mistake. After a week or so the urges will start to digress. You just need to be strong my friend.

[Adam26]

Had a little trip last week. My mum was 60 in December. As it was too cold at the time, she decided we’d celebrate another time. So we went to Poland for a few days. Not sure why Poland. I guess she’s running out of places in the world to go. That sounded like I was taking a big shit on Poland. That’s not the case, it was very nice. 40mil shots of flavoured vodka for about 70p being a particular highlight. We visited Auschwitz while we were over there. Talk about putting your world into perspective. Some of the things that happened there made me wonder how I’ve managed to sulk my way through my tiny insignificant problems. Anyway, it was three nights away from work with my family and I enjoyed it.
Back home though and back to reality. I’m getting fed up at work again. It’s pretty samey working here and sometimes I just get a bit sick of it. It comes and goes. I think I get a bit sick being number two to a boss that’s not overly interested in the job. I’m sticking it out in the hope that one day I’ll have control of the place. I stayed back with the heavy gambler the other night. Let him play the machine after hours. After what he put in the machine he came away with a profit of £570. I was pretty surprised to be honest. He’s a regular big loser. He gave me £70 of it for letting him stay after hours. I spent it on a new tattoo the day after. I got the Japanese symbol for ‘family’ tattood onto my wrist. Maybe if I ever get close to slipping and putting money in a gambling machine I’ll see the tattoo and think about my family before I do anything stupid.
The other day I was watching the Jeremy Kyle show (don’t ask why, it’s absolute drivel) Anyway, there was a compulsive gambler on thee telling his missus he’s lost thousands behind her back. My partner told me she can’t understand how people can gamble money away like that. I tried to reason that it’s an addiction but she was adamant that it’s down to the person to just stop doing it. She had zero sympathy. This is why I can never tell her the truth…

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