[Adam26]

Felt a bit shit at times today. There was a couple of occasions that I wanted to spend like £40 or £50 on things. A couple of weeks ago i wouldn’t of batted an eyelid at that kinda price. But now I’ve literally got nothing, even a ticket to the football or a takeaway meal seems like something I can’t afford to put my money to. My mother told me I’d need to get used to saving for when I have my own house. Well I’m getting used to it, and I don’t bloody like it. I’ve thought about it a few times today. Getting involved again. Playing it smart. Only gambling small amounts and quitting while I’m ahead. These thoughts are pointless though. I always come to the same conclusion…
It’s just not worth the risk. Hoping I stay strong. For now thought, 9 days and counting.

[Adam26]

Officially day 7 today. That’s one week down and I’ve already managed to save nearly 2 grand up. Not sayin I’ll be able to do that every week, but what a start. Anyway, not really got much to say today. Been pretty quiet. Although, if anyone has any thoughts on this… I still give £2 a week to a guy I work with because I’m in a lottery syndicate. Anyone think this is cool or should I be swerving it full stop?

[Adam26]

Day 7 again… i say again because i thought i’d done a week today. But upon checking my older posts i noticed that after i messed up on day 1, i just carried on to day 2 regardless. Kinda shows where my heads been recently. So anyway, i’ve gone back and edited my older posts so i have an accurate account of my days. That said, today is day six. Tomorrow will be day seven. That will be a week for anyone that isn’t quite following. That’s pretty good for a start but some way off before i’ll be happy. I’m actually in a much better mood at the moment. Things will come crashing down when i eventually come to tell people, but for now, i’m happier in myself. Just to follow up on an earlier comment, i think i may of misread the email. I’ve just looked back at it and it say’s if i want to rejoin AFTER the exclusion period. So i guess i’m cool with that now…

Cheers people.

[Adam26]

Ok, so I can no longer access my Betfred account. I spoke to an online adviser on their site and they helped me self exclude. Given the option of between 6 months and 5 years, I told them 5 years was short enough and went from there. I’ve had an email since telling me I’ll have to sign and resend an agreement to cancel. Also in the email it mentioned if I want to cancel the 5 years exclusion at any time I should get in touch with them to sort that out. Seems like defeating the object to me. But I guess it’s big business. If they can have me back I’m sure they’d open their arms…
So that’s that finally sorted. One temptation taken away from me. Until I ask them nicely it appears… I’ve never been one for Casino’s luckily. I’ve been to Las Vegas once. I spent all my money on McDonalds, gifts and clothes. Never gambled a cent. I’ve also been to a Casino near where I live with a work mate. I watched him lose 20 quid on roulette in about 5 minutes. I bought a steak and chips and a cup of tea instead and called it a night. Bandits have always been my vice and as I write this I can see two of them sparkling away in the corner of my eye. Those temptations will be there every time I go to work. Which is a lot… I need to be strong though. I can remember the last time I went a few months without playing. Maybe 6 months or so. I cracked one night and went on the bandit. Cost me about £12 to drop the £250. I told myself that was my reward for staying off them for so long. But that was enough to capture me back in. I’m sure that £250 didn’t last the week.
Anyway, day 6, eat it!

[Adam26]

Five days down now. Still struggling to come to terms with the loss. I’m finding it hard to see where and how I’m going to save all that money back up. I’m pretty impatient so it’s really getting to me. It’s on my mind a lot throughout the day. Saving needs to be secondary to stopping though at the moment. Nearly a week done. I always said, if I can do a week, I can do a month. If I can do a month, I can do a year…

That’s not happened for about 17 years though. Good luck!

[Adam26]

I’m pretty happy today. Liverpool just beat City 2-1. Great result and a great game. A few reminders in the advert breaks about how hard it is for CG’s. There were so many adverts about betting and a few about not getting carried away. ‘When the fun stops, STOP’. Good advice, if only I’d seen that advert years ago. But out of the blue, 10 minutes ago, the Betfred VIP sent me an email and a subsequent £100 cash to play with. I guess they’re missing me. I didn’t hesitate to get on to Betfred and imidiately withdraw the £100 into my bank account. I think this is another reason I’m keeping my account open. I still feel entitled to money back. It’s a very risky game I know. I feel sick to my stomach seeing that money in my account ready to be played. I’ve been spending the last hour looking at things I can sell off. It upsets me that I’m having to sell off prized possessions, but I’ve brought it on myself. It’s a good job I’ve spent so much money on things over the years. It’s just another form of money in a way. Only problem is, I’ve acquired some great items over the years and now I’m technically handing them out for free…

[Adam26]

I wish you luck my friend. I was losing big money about your age too. Fast forward a few years, I’m 30 now and just lost my life savings of £19,000. Stop now before it’s too late. Your young, so there’s plenty of time to get that money back. Just draw a line through it.

[Adam26]

I managed to gather my first £1000 and transfer it to my savings account today. Only another £17,000 to go… But still, it’s a start. I’ve still not barred myself from Betfred. It almost feels like I’m testing myself. To see if I can have it and not use it. Sounds silly, but I know I’ll bar myself eventually.
Still feel sick and empty inside. Been thinking a lot about the last couple of months. I won the £500 jackpot at work a few weeks ago. I came away with about £330 after what I put in. Two days late I was bored, put a five pound note in and won another £200. You’d think I’d be happy with that? Didn’t even blink. That’s when you know it’s a problem I guess. I suppose when you’ve got to the point where your winning one, two, three grand in one spin online, nothing else really comes close. In case your wondering, none of those amounts raised an eyebrow either. The numbness I’ve felt for gambling lately hasn’t been healty. I used to play because I enjoyed the thrill of winning. That thrill died a long time ago. It had almost become a second job I needed to go to every day. It’s still my secret. Maybe when I can safely say I’ve done 50 days. Or ive saved £5,000 I can then share it with people. As it stands at the moment, I’ve done nothing to deserve anyone’s help or understanding. I need to prove to myself I can do it first…
Day three… Going ok…

[Adam26]

Not sure why I can’t close my Betfred account. I’ve thought a lot about it but I can’t bring myself to close it for good. There’s been a few moments today when I’ve needed money but couldn’t access any. Not for gambling, just for some shopping and that. So far so good on day one again. Still got the numb feeling in my stomach and continual thoughts of how I’ll never be able to get back what I’ve lost…

[Adam26]

Hello, thanks for posting. I’m not sure about the bonus to be honest. It goes off what you’ve spent/lost over the week. I was genuinely hoping to just cash it in. But it proved to tempting. Just as if everyone knew, the topic of conversation over dinner was gambling last night. I didn’t know where to look. I feel so ashamed.

Today’s a new day. Day 1… Again…
I slept better last night. It’s the first time for about 6 nights I’ve not been alone in bed with my thoughts. I Woke up with a sense of dread as I remembered what I’d done. Got a horrible numb feeling in my stomach that’s still lingering. Sold a pair of Dirk Kuyt’s match worn boots last night to another collector. £270 towards the rebuilding of my bank account. Or for something else maybe? Hopefully not…

[Adam26]

Just a few after thoughts since reading a few people’s comments on here. I guess I’m not as bad as some people losing hundreds of thousands, but the demons are the same for all of us. Since I signed up to here a few hours ago I’ve checked Betfred about six times to see if they’ve given me any bonus cash to play with. I’m not sure what I’d do if they did to be honest. Gamble it, or bank it. Either way, there’s nothing there and I’ve nearly lasted a whole day without gambling. Big whoop for me. The thought of telling my loved ones still haunts me. I really don’t think I can face it. Maybe see if I can keep this up before I commit to anything. I’ve always taken pride in being straight. I talk a bit of shit, but who doesn’t. One thing I’ve never been though is a liar, so this is quite difficult for me. I think if I was asked out right I would confess all. But at the moment I’m telling myself that it’s not lying if nobody knows in the first place. Onward and upward.

edit: £250 credited from Betfred. lost it all instantly… then i played and lost the last £400 to my name. couldn’t last a day. can’t say i’m surprised.

Edit again: sold a signed football shirt and used the £100 straight away on Betfred. Won my £400 back. Finished with £1000. I can’t help myself. It’s going to be very hard to stop. Before I started this diary it had been 37 days straight gambling. I can’t just switch off can I?

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