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Well….i got through the weekend, it wasn’t easy and i dont necessarily have the tools to get through days like that but i just binged on film after film, ate rubbish and basically frittered the hours away, not exactly how i wanted to spend my weekend but if it got the job done then I’m ok with that. I checked the football afterwards and there’s quite a few that i think i would have picked that would have let me down so that softens it a little bit….some days it feels like I’m going through a kind of cold turkey where i feel like i have to fight myself in the mirror to hold me back but for today i did not gamble and i have no intentions of stopping this fight.

I watched a film called a street cat named bob, that’s about a heroin addict that wants to get clean, it’s bloody scary to see the similarities between a drug addict and gambling addict

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19 days gamble free, weekends are always hard but this one is the hardest so far, work was all buzzing today, i work shifts and this weekend is the longest out of 3 so everyone is extra excited for the weekend, football slips are out, predictions are being thrown back & forth, everyone is excited that their slip is the winning one and today i missed being a part of it, i wanted to accept I’m a gambler and join them, i was asked to take part in a group bet and i really wanted to but i said no, today is the first day that I’ve really missed it and want it back but i have to remember that as much as i promise myself i cannot bet sensibly and i will always be a chaser. I try not to go into too much detail about my betting and what i enjoy etc incase someone is reading this and they relate to my kind of betting and it sets off a trigger in them but today i wanted to feel those endorphins kicking in but i didn’t gamble today. Tomorrow will be tough

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I think I’m about to break some records, i can’t remember the last time i went this long without gambling, 22 years with it slowly consuming me, if i didn’t gamble it’s only because I’d run out of money and was waiting for pay day. I don’t believe in looking back or stressing about things i cannot change but sometimes i think about how different my life would have been if i hadn’t put gambling first before everything and everyone. Money will be tight for a few months but i no longer see gambling as a way of topping up my finances.
Today i did not gamble

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I think the weekends are harder as the week used to be full of so many distractions that I used to urge the weekend here so that I could gamble constantly without work etc, there are also so many more matches to choose from. I used to go to bed early so that Saturday would be here quicker.
The self exclusion was crucial as I wouldn’t even think of humiliating myself by trying to sneak in. I wouldn’t have done that if Charles hadn’t been so demanding in chat haha
Your journey was the first one to give me hope.
I hope your new year is positive and full of strength

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Hi I won a new a life
There are people face to face that understand but it tends to be people that have experienced what we are going through, maybe places like G.A meetings but I agree that here is a fantastic place with a great support network, not sure if I would have done this without GT

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Hi Jonny, just dropping by to say hi and that you are in my thoughts, mainly cos i can see you up ahead on my road 🙂

I’m proud of you

I have invested in a new addiction, watching the walking dead series from season 1, it’s a good distraction but i am not sure which is more gruesome out of the 2 addictions ;)….there’s always moments on this journey when we need to smile, even if it’s just for 10 seconds

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You have the best form of defence against these attacks, your mindset, your strength and GT.

One day at a time

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Thank you everyone, Jonny i am right behind you hang in there 🙂

Nearly at my point of my last relapse, i feel like I’m in a false sense of security as I’m not overwhelmed by the urge to gamble, i don’t want to be become complacent as that is when I’ll be most vulnerable.
I had a job interview today, only for a different position at where i work now, for the first time i was able to focus on something productive. Usually i wouldn’t have my phone in my pocket vibrating when there was goals, excusing myself to the bathroom when there wasn’t any so that i could check.

Today I was a normal person, focusing on my future without being consumed by my addiction.

Today was a good day. The weekend is looming. This is my hard part. The journey continues

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Thank you charles & jonny, you’ve both made a difference.
I’ve just hit double numbers on my gamble free days. I still look at matches that are being played but not everyday now otherwise I start to twitch and the demon inside of me starts to awaken, stretch & yawn, rub it’s eyes as it feels the life rushing back through it until I point it it’s just a bad dream and then it slowly curls up, ready to nap again.
That was my day 10……nobody warned me of the psychotic illusions 🙂

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I have the first week gamble free, if I hadn’t relapsed I would have been past a month but I probably also wouldn’t have barred myself from the bookies.
So today I wanted to gamble, I checked the games that were on for the day and I saw goals and opportunity, bizarrely one of the games that was nailed on for goals ended up 0-0 so I would have spent the rest of the day chaser. I have to remember I am a chaser and always will be, I also need to stop looking at what matches are being played….its a trigger!

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That week has gone so quick, helped by the fact I was on night shift so sleeping throughout the day and keeping busy with the other hours wasn’t too hard.
Today was the challenge as I used to love Saturday gambling , I had a set routine and it literally took all my time up from 0600 (Australian football) till about 2200 but I didn’t gamble and I survived. I had a good sleep after my last shift and did loads this afternoon including cleaning the car, walking in the woods cooked a dinner for the dog, made a homemade nutritious pizza ( I am very into good nutrition as a subject ) watched a movie and then bathed the pup as she decided to stomp around in some fox poop. These are everyday normal things for people but as a gambler I didn’t have time for them.
The biggest help for me was the advice to self exclude physically from the bookies. Of course I could find one somewhere where I could place a bet but the thought of someone seeing me and kicking me out, the embarrassment I would feel is enough to stop me even thinking about it. I really think this is the deal breaker as my demons are sat quietly not knowing what to tell me. Life is so much nicer without demons

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Yeah, i was worried about that and even now, i am sure I could find a bookies somewhere, that’s where my determination must stand firm. The whole concept of not just one bookie or one firm but all of them is a really good idea. I’m presuming that they will focus fully on the ones around me, sending my picture out and name etc more intensely and i know if i tried to enter i would think that they were all looking at me. I definitely can’t go into my fav one as they all know me. It’s took a lot of options and rainy day twitches away.

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Hi Vera
Happy New Year to you 🙂
Yes i think it was the final piece of the jigsaw and it’s the first time i have felt truly positive about a life without in gambling in the sense of actually being able to achieve it. By self excluding i actually believe myself now about giving up. It feels good

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day 2 and gambling free, i was actually quite productive today, did a workout which i haven’t done for ages, took the dog on a 4 mile walk, cleaned, tidied and the best part is i self excluded from all bookies in the uk.
so yesterday i was saying that i was struggling to self exclude in person but on there’s a number you can call 08002942060 where you can phone up and do it but it can take up to 10 days to implement. its a MOSES project, it says to call MOSES to which i found myself asking to speak to Moses when i phoned up much to the amusement of the person at the other end.
anyway you phone, i said i wanted to exclude, there was no questions about my gambling or anything like that, just took my details, sent an email to which i had to send to pictures back and they do the rest. the best thing is they target all areas that might trigger you off, so mine was all around where i live and work and if i see one that tempts me, i can phone up and add it to the list. my gambling style means i like to go back and forth all day to my local one so eliminating that one is a massive help on my journey. a gambler will always find a way to gamble if they are that determined and this doesnt change that, the gambler still needs to do the work but taking another temptation out of my way is only going to help me get this done.

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hi Charles, yes that seems to be my lesson, that the addiction will manifest into a different to find the same satisfaction, hopefully soon my addiction will find a worthwhile addiction like cleaning the car or something 🙂 it was actually a helpful lesson so i am taking no negativity from it.

i wasnt sure about posting numbers and stuff so now that i know it is ok i will first check it out tomorrow, see what the procedure is and then i can post it with some helpful information to go with it.

one thing i can’t understand is why people have to provide 2 passport photos at a bookies to self exclude, i mean if someone is at their lowest point, often gambled their bus fare home etc, how the hell can they find money to do those passport pictures, bookies should have a web cam where they can take an instant picture they can take and upload before the gambler has time to change their mind.

maybe i can tackle that this year 🙂 change the rules etc

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