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so today i am starting off my 11th day of not gambling, on the whole i feel ok but i had a couple of wobbles at the weekend, football was on tv which is a big weakness, i was thinking i was going to write here until the storm blew over but with working a 4 am shift the day after a night shift i was exhausted and ended up sleeping past the wobbles
i was thinking about counselling recently but finding the right one can be a mine field, i just don’t want to relapse as my gambling seems to get more and more out of control every time i do.
i spend so much time making excuses not to go to social events, not see friends, covering up when i am chasing losses, pretending everything is great to the outside world without actually letting anyone in that i have lost touch with who i really am. i only know myself as a gambler and a failure. i even thought that i was happy with no-one in my life as it means i don’t have to explain myself to anyone but maybe that’s not true either. i really need to explore who i am so i can myself as a person and not a gambler but i am determined and i am ready and i feel better about racking some gamble free days up 🙂 today i will try not to gamble

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hi Vera 🙂
on day 6 today and feeling pretty good. Its very clear that i really don’t like myself as person when i gamble so by stopping i get stop hating on myself which is always positive.
today was payday and i got shopping and filled the car and yes it’s tight at the minute with money and i get the thoughts of “one good bet and i can put myself in a more comfortable place” but i am quick to remind myself that one bad bet and i’m on that road again. weekends are the worst as that is when i make or lose my money, weekdays are for chasing my loses or throwing back my winnings so i have committed to work again this weekend. i got my first extra shift in last week so that’s good.
two comments keep ringing through my head, the one that you said about thinking i was ready for this, i am starting to believe that the more i replay it and the second one is when Jonny said to invest in myself which i am starting to do 🙂
do you think that there’s ever a time when the thoughts don’t creep in to haunt us? i see you are leading GA meetings now, that is amazing and it’s so humbling to so others putting in time to help others.

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you have to stop beating yourself up, you have done what you have done and you can’t change that ( god knows we all wish we could make just one change) all you can do is make a decision today to stop, it will be hard but slowly your life will piece back together again, i know it’s a lot of money but wether its a 6 figure amount of 2 figure amount a compulsive gambler will gamble time and time again until eventually they always end up with nothing and we all end broke and hating ourselves. its the addiction, not you and all that matters is the decisions you make today, not yesterday and not tomorrow. stay strong

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hi Jonny, well i got through today and i must admit i did a bit of pacing and trading words with the devil, i actually believe it to be like withdrawing from drugs without the physical pain that goes with it, it really tries to win control over you every time but the most important thing is i didn’t gamble. i try not to focus on day 1,2,3 so intensive and negatively as i did before but more of milestones. i am doing an extra shift tomorrow, up at 4am and a harsh reminder that my actions have consequences.
your negatives that you listed were all spot on, the list is really harsh to read but i can tick off everyone, gambling is such a lonely world when you sit back and look at yourself. everything is about placing a bet, results, money for more gambling and woe betide anything that obstructs that even if it is yourself.
you are right about investing in yourself, my health is start to deteriorate due to eating junk which i only do when i gamble and i lost out on a job recently due to putting more time into gambling than preparing for the role. Gambling gives you a temporary high but eventually it take your life from you until you become another statistic wether it be homeless, in prison, suicide, on benefits. its time the goverment faced up to it and stopped ramming it down our throats but i suppose all they care is the billions we give them each year….i wont be another statistic because of gambling!

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that message actually made me smile (for all the right reasons)
i actually bought a watch several months ago and swore only to take it out of the box (i know this sounds strange but we all have our ways ) when i had committed to giving up %100. i was in 2 minds whether today was the day but i am going to wear it today 🙂
work will be hectic for a while as i work 5 days a week so that’s going to be 6/7 days a week for a while but like you side, it puts money into perspective and each time i am getting up at 04:00 for an extra shift i will remind myself the reason that i am there.
i often check into your threads to remind myself of the possibilities 🙂 i want to be another member here that people can find strength in…it does make a difference to peoples lives

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after my positive and determined decision last night i woke up wanting to gamble, since my relapse after 175 days i have been gambling hardcore, winning,losing but always eventually losing. i think this time around is going to be harder as i want a “quick fix” to my finances. i am going to try and write in my journal when i get the urge to maybe remind myself of the consequences because when you gamble there’s always that little voice (i call him addictus) urging you to have that “one last bet” especially on a saturday, today is my favourite day for football. i have the opportunity to do overtime between now and xmas. i figured that if i did 10 extra days then that would contribute to a lot of my losses. it also puts those losses into real terms as the thought of working so much is depressing. maybe it will put gambling into some perspective.

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just noticed the date of when i first joined and it’s a year on..WOW and here i am still doing the same stupid stuff and pretty much in the same situation. tonight has been my turning point where i say enough is enough and the reason i say that tonight is a turning point as for the last few weeks i have known that i have to stop but i knew in reality i was going to get up the next and gamble and promise that it was going to be my “last one” well, tomorrow i am not going to gamble. i nearly reached that point a few weeks ago but unfortunately i was winning, winning enough to live on whilst my wages built up a little but how hard is it to give up when you are winning for a CG? so of course i have had to blow it all and then another ridiculous amount chasing it. i phoned in sick 2 days (something i never do) so i could gamble. this is how stupid and gripping the addiction is. i had nearly clawed back all the money i needed to pay my bills this month, i was £10 short of the full amount so i blew £220 trying to get the full amount, that’s how addiction works, it takes away your ability to make choices based on logic. usually i stress and start selling stuff to keep gambling when i can’t pay the bills but yes i am short this month but i’m not the first person in the world not to pay my bills on time and i wont be the last. i actually get paid on Thursday so i am to not worry and just pay people then. the most important thing is to stop, i really wish i could be one of those saturday gamblers that just have a little football bet and win or lose that’s it for the week but no matter what and no matter how many days i don’t gamble for i will never be one of those gamblers but by not gambling i am in cotrol of my addiction. looking forward to nailing my day1

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i signed up to a math refresher course 2 weeks ago and haven’t even looked at the first question, only because i have been sat every minute possible in front of a screen waiting for a goal to be scored, win or lose i would then be picking out my next selections and driving off to place the bet. Something you said also about eating junk food, that is something i do when gambling, when i am not gambling i am health conscious, i work out and feel good. when i gamble i eat food on the go and my health takes a bettering. The two clearly go hand in hand. work becomes difficult as you are constantly wanting time to get a bet on and then your mind is thinking about the result, if you lose you don’t want to be around your colleagues you just want to get another bet on….all these little but life changing negatives get forgot about when you haven’t gambled for a bit and get the urge, all you think about is the rush. as compulsive gamblers, there is only one way that placing a bet is going to go for us, no ifs and buts it will ALWAYS end in disaster and chaos. never lose sight of that and strive for that year goalpost 🙂

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hey Jonny, you are doing so well in turning your life around and bringing some normality back into your life. Yes you are going to have days that thoughts of gambling consume you but you sound like you now have the mind set to fight that and however bad it felt before when you gambled it will feel like that again and much worse if you let it. the more we gamble, the more we hate ourselves and the more we gamble to suppress the hatred (for a while anyway) the rush is only temporary and it is soon replaced with self loathing.
you started your journey a few days ahead of me and have come so far, i was right there with you and now i am in exactly the same place as i was 275 days ago….all from placing one bet on a sunny day, not worth it 😉

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thank you for taking the time to stop by 🙂 i have actually self excluded from all the online sites and from all the bookmakers around me so i drive 12 miles to one that i go in to, i know i can self exclude from that too but like i read on another post a gambler will always find the means to gamble, i have all the tools in place and i know how much better my life is without gambling . it’s just I’ve got myself so stuck. i will do it though.
have a great day and thanks once again

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today i gambled, i lost, i won, i felt nothing, 1 week ago i was doing great, i had won enough to put me in a comfortable position and i knew i had to stop there and then, i keep thinking it’s greed that make me go back for “one last bet” but i don’t think that’s true. i do know that it is really difficult to stop when you are on top, the addiction waits until you are on your knees before you act.
i don’t think tomorrow will be my “day 1” as i seem to be on a path of self destruct, it’s about time i listened to my own advice and. i will beat this, i just didnt manage take my millionth first step today

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this is my first post in a long time. i managed to go 175 days without gambling (maybe a few days longer but 175 was the last *****) to put it simply, it was the best 175+ days i had experienced for a long long time, my life was beginning to feel normal, my debts were in control, i had a few savings for the first time since i was 18. my thoughts of gambling were becoming longer and longer apart, THEN the worst thing happened, i got in from work, had a nap, dreamt about putting a bet on, woke up, sun was shining, i felt great AND i wanted to have bet, the urge was so bad that i it won me over, i thought that one wouldn’t hurt, that i was doing ok now and could afford to lose a small amount even though i know that i never have been nor will ever be that kind of gambler. that weekend i went on to lose somewhere near a £1000 and it lead to 4 months of the worst binge of gambling that i have ever been on. i havent been able to come here as i sold everything i owned including my phone to keep gambling, the only food i had was for the dog ( i made sure she had everything she needed ) and went days eating boiled rice, i have never been so far gone, last month i did loads of overtime, bought myself a second hand laptop, phone and was back in front with money, i was gambling and winning enough to live off and decided i had to stop while i was in front, that thought lasted all off 24hrs and have blown another £1000 over the last few days, i am now into bill money and i have enough to try and win some of it back tomorrow but i want to stop and face the music, the urge is so strong to keep going that i don’t feel in control. work is so tough at the minute though that i am starting to compare how much i lose to how many days hard work that i have blown but that makes me feel bad and i want to replace it of course by gambling. hopefully with having access to this site again i can use this journal to dampen my need to gamble. i have had a taste of what life is like not gambling and i want that life permanently

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Hey Jonny123987, thanks for checking in on me 🙂 I’m over the moon that you are still going strong, I got to day 175, paid off my arrears on my bills, got my debts on a manageable plan, got some savings for the first time since I was young, had a weekend break and for long periods of time I never even thought about gambling, I sometimes even thought I was “cured ” even though I know that gamblers never are but thats how great things were going, I still checked in here but never made the time to talk so cone day 175 I had an urge out of nowhere that was so strong I didn’t fight it, drove to a bookies that I knew I wasn’t excluded from, lost £50 which I could actually afford to lose but then proceeded to lose £1200 in 2 days which was my savings and some bill money so now I’m behind on my payments again and back to day 1 which is so depressing but I have just excluded from some more bookies and I’m working extra hours at work to claw some losses back. The really strange thing is that you messaged me literally a few hours after I had placed my bet. The timing couldn’t have been more ironic…..day 1 sucks 🙁

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46 days now and although it’s getting easier I dont want to get complacent as I sometimes get that urge and although they are less frequent and dont last long as before I know full well that one slip up and all those feelings will come rushing back stronger and harder. One thing I have noticed is that hardly anyone talks about football at work which makes me think I was instigating the conversations all the time. I also can’t believe that my first wage in January, I put some money into my savings and it’s still there, that has never happened before, I’ve also been given an unexpected bonus from work which I will put into my savings. I have made agreements with some companies I owed money to so that I can pay them back. I haven’t had money spare for over 20 years of my working life as I always eventually lose it. I know %100 that this has only been possible with someone here insisting that I exclude myself from the bookies, that has been crucial to my recovery and if I can recommend only 1 thing, that would be it. Dont make excuses like promising yourself you will set limits, it doesnt work!

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I almost can’t believe that number, another weekend past and still no gambling, this weekend was a little different however as I had a works night out and at some point we always end up feeding the slots all the crumpled up notes in our pockets and waking up the next morning wondering how we spent so much money. My good friend from work knows what I’m going through and as much as I said he was free to play as he wants,he didn’t because of me and actually commented that he hardly spent anything in comparison to normal so it was a win win. I am now using any spare time obsessing over boxsets (currently walking dead) I get so engrossed that days will pass before I even think about football results. When I got paid I put £100 in my ISA account, it’s been open years and has only ever had a small amount in before I withdraw it for gambling. Im starting to believe I can do this.
Jonny….keep showing me the way 🙂

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