[3raser]

i think this is bigger than me or any tactics i may try, the urges keep winning, i only gambled a small amount of money today but i still gambled. i dont know if i will ever beat this or regain any quality of life again. my life sucks and whats worse is there is so many people whos lives suck through no fault of their own. this is all my own doing, i feel so selfish. i will try again tomorrow and the next day and the day after that

[3raser]

the title says it all, i lasted 20 mins after money was deposited in my account, i felt like the world was at at peace when i was on my way to place a bet, 2hrs later i feel like i can create a war within the world, i feel like no one understands me so why should i accept anyone within my walls, this is how i isolate so many people i care about……8hrs later and i think i am ready to draw a line of acceptance under my losses. i have gambled my car insurance today but its ok, i want to gamble and i want to win but i want to change even more….tomorrow is day 1….take 2

[3raser]

I wanted to write this at the end of the day with words of completing my day 1 but the truth is i woke up knowing there’s going to be some money hitting my account very shortly and today is a great day for football. All i focus on is that feeling of placing a bet and then collecting my winnings and starting to recoup some of the losses that I’ve made over the last week. There’s been no thought of how i actually NEED that money to pay bills and tide me over until payday that if i don’t win the feelings of despair self loathe that will wash over me will consume me for hours possibly days. I have lost thousands over the years, i have a debt management plan, my credit score is ruined, i live in a flat, my wages are pretty good due to my cost of living (without gambling debts) being low yet my overdraft is maxed out and I’m selling stuff to try and pay the bills and yet i still think i can win? I’d win if i didn’t gamble as every penny i earnt would be mine. Today is going to be tough but i want to change

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