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today i hit 1 year, it’s surreal but it has gone so quick, it’s always good to be aware that it only takes 1 bet to be right back in hole but i do feel more in control and more determined to stay on this path.
i hope everyone that reads this can take a little bit of hope away with them and realise that it is possible, 1 year ago i was counting coppers for a loaf of bread and selling anything i had at ridiculous prices just to get a little bit of money. Its slowly turning around, i know the reasons why i gamble and so i recognise the triggers and each time i resisted it made it a little bit easier the next time but never be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help.

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your own thread will give you your own valuable space to use as you wish the information will be directly for you,

having said that, if you do want to comment on my thread or anyone else’s with questions or just to connect with people then rather than replying to a comment in the middle of someone’s thread, scroll right to the end add your comment on the end and when a comment comes in, you will see the word “new” on the right hand side where all the threads are listed, click on that and it will take you right to the comment instead of you scrolling through looking for it which is where i think you have been finding it difficult. hope this helps

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gambling is one of the hardest addictions to give up, don’t be hard on yourself.

The councillor was allocated to me by gamcare, the first 12 sessions were free but i carried on with them afterwards. She’s trained specially to work with gamblers which i think is key if you are choosing your own, they need to be gambling trained.

You are taking all the right steps and it’s clear how much you want this, it’s a difficult horrible addiction. I was a gambler for 20 years and thought i could just stop but i couldn’t, for me personally i needed a third party to help and if that’s what you feel you need then get the right councillor for you 

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thank you for reaching out, you are right, it is a horrible addiction and hard to beat on your own.

as i was trying to beat this addiction, i was gamble free for a few days or weeks and once a few months and each time i slipped i was using the words relapse, recovery and other words to suggest i was on the road to beating this addiction but i would slip and gamble and gamble hard and someone on here quite directly and quite loudly said that they was tired of me using these words as i am not in recovery, i am just trying to abstain from gambling which is completely different. the person was hard on me but it worked. i realised that i couldnt do it on my own yet i was on my own with this problem and too embarrassed to reach for help. 

it took my days to pluck up the courage but i went online and chatted online to someone from gamcare, from there they took care of everything and within 2 weeks i was in therapy working out the root cause to my addiction so that i can fight it, this started to give me some clarity and i was able to face my debtors and get organised with payments, its not been easy but i havent gambled since and i will be debt free in another year, 

this is very difficult to do on you own, some people manage it but if you can contact a professional and use every available resource out there then slowly you will climb out of this black hole.

gambling will never solve a problem, only add to it

i hope this has helped and if i can help with any more questions then please ask away, this site really does help 

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Glad you came and said “hi” you were a big part of me doing things in the right way, i know i always say that 😀 BUT i never forget and it never stops being as important as it was back then!

 I hope you are well and thriving with your recovery journey, i have faith in you so I’m pretty sure you’ve got this down ;)….did i really say “got this down”? Damn 

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Hi Laura & Monica, thanks both for your replies.
Monica, 14 months? wow that’s brilliant. I think debts are one of the leading causes of stress regardless of how those debts are accumulated and to see an end in sight does help towards my recovery, i actually started with a debt management company 5 years ago as i had gambled to a point of more out than coming in, i didn’t tell them it was gambling as they can be funny about helping you, my credit score was already rubbish so i didnt care about that but they stopped all interest and letters and i was able to breathe until of course the gambling again put me in a financial crisis, i was very very lucky to have the option of overtime at work ( it has all dried up now ) at that particular point, at the point of starting work with a therapist i was also working 7 days a week which i did consistently for 6 months, totally unhealthy but it aloud me to get on top of my new debts. Debts have consumed me for years and the losses are far greater than i dare to think about.

Laura, the amount of times i wanted to drop by and write an update but got sidetracked is unbelievable. I am only just starting to make plans with my life as the goal was to work,eat,sleep and repeat but i started running (i am actually rubbish at it ) for well being, i had a go at tennis in the summer and actually love it, found somewhere that only charges a £1 per court so it was a cheap hobby, 8 weeks ago i fell and broke a finger and have been off work, it has been amazing to have some downtime and appreciate my surroundings and go places with the dog, i unfortunately go back to work this week haha but it has given me a new appreciation of life and how work just adds to the stress of life, every company making cutbacks and everyone else having to pick up that extra work is making a very tired nation, without gambling and with the opportunity of not working for several weeks i now want to set up my life to have more time to do stuff so i am slowly looking into an online business, nothing to make me rich, just something to pay the bills and that leaves me options to enjoy life a little bit more.
i have explored the peak district with the dog over summer, watched movies, started a life coaching course, trying to build friendships, everything a “normal” consists of but gets lost in the blackness of gambling.
it would be irresponsible of me to say i could never go back to gambling because i could, a bad day could lead me to a “not give a damn” moment which takes me into a bookies but i am slowly trying to make my life better and important enough to me that it outweighs a bad day.

my therapist said that gambling is one of the hardest addictions to beat yet here we all are one step at a time through our own will and determination and our own downfalls trying to climb out of that pit and it is achievable for every single person

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so, it has been 345 days now, 20 days until i reach my year mark, WOW. i have no doubt that i will get this hurdle out of the way with.
It hasn’t been plain sailing and there is times when it creeps into my thoughts unexpected and relapse is only 1 bet away so i take nothing for granted but over time, as you start to heal, you also start to build a new and better life, something to hold onto, it takes time but i see hope where once there was none. This time next year all my gambling debts will be paid off ( a quarter of my wage goes towards this).
i still work with my Therapist and rarely work on gambling anymore, more so the root causes that were behind gambling. For me, this has been the pivotal support i needed to free myself.
It hasn’t been easy by any means but it does get easier and problems that where entwined with gambling either get resolved or left in the past.
i was out with the dog the other day and climbing this steep hill, it was windy and drizzling and i thought “oh i can’t do this, it’s too difficult” and i was about to turn around when i thought “just give it a go” a turned my music up and focused on a small spot in front of me and when i reached that point, i focused on another spot just in front of me and before i new it i was at the top and pretty happy with myself.
i thought afterwards that this is exactly the same with gambling, we look to the top of the hill and it seems too daunting, too difficult and definitely too far away so we give up and go to we know, hustling everyday to try and survive.
if we just focus on the first small goal/step, reach that point and set the next goal/step in small achievable steps then our journeys may not seem so impossible.
i just wanted to drop by and give an update 🙂

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Geordie my friend, i have been meaning to catch up on here for so long but days all merge and before i know it weeks have passed but seeing your message has just motivated to stop what i am doing and log on as i cant let you go without an update
i am 155 days gamble free now, still funding my therapy work as i think it’s the key to not gambling, i even had a dream that i had been gambling only to wake up and of course realise that it wasn’t true, the relief i felt when i realised it was just a dream shows how far i have come.
i am so happy to hear that you are still winning the war, i think you will always have the strength and knowledge to make the right decisions, i know life hasn’t always been easy but that is the past and you are now the master of your destiny.

you helped me Geordie, you changed my path, who knows if i would still be throwing the “abstaining” and “recovery” crap around (only crap in reference to how i was on/off with it)
many people have helped me along the way on here but your harsh words prompted me into action and is why i am moving further and further away from the desires of gambling.
the therapy i attend weekly is crucial, again something i never thought i would be doing

good luck and thank you my friend
i will never forget you or your words of wisdom
enjoy your life man 😉

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thank you all for your kind and encouraging posts, i do read them, i am just very bad at setting time aside to write which i should as i think more than anything it is important to stay connected with every possible avenue that helps with recovery.
i am now at day 86, i really can’t believe i did 175 days before and threw it all away as it seems to be taking forever this time (not that i am wishing my life away)
therapy is still going strong and helps me to stay focused as when and if i get an urge i know it’s always only a few days away until my next session.
it is strange how we don’t really focus a lot on gambling yet everything we do talk about seems like it will eventually have a connection.
my las urge was on boxing day as everyone make a big deal about that day and i too used to look forward to it but it was just another day and i was glad i got through it without giving in.
i am still working every weekend, it’s not healthy but for now it gives me a sense of financial security, short term anyway, i still have feelings of utter fear that i can throw away all the hours worked, and therapy sessions that i have worked hard on in the last few months in a single weekend, i literally can blow that much that quick from a split second urge and bad choice and that really does scare me now, i am not sure if that is a good or bad thing but it stops me being complacent i guess.

it is nice to hear someone say that they haven’t gambled since last year, has a nice ring to it. keep it up and one step at a time we can all beat this chronic illness, remember gambling isn’t a cure for everything else that is wrong in our lives, it is just a self destructing distraction

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hi Laura, firstly, i am sorry to hear that you are having a rough couple of days,i hope you are ok after your fall, sounds like you took quite a tumble :(.
Things happen unexpectedly that can knock us off our game, become triggers for us to go to our place of comfort which for a long time many of us turned to gambling so well done for recognising the 2 there and being clear with yourself.
something Johnny said to me a long time ago which has always stuck with me which was “invest in yourself” this means different things for different people but i believe it is a good 3 words to keep in your thoughts, not everyone is into the whole new year and making better choices on the 1st January but i always find it a good place to give my motivation a boost without being too unrealistic.
look at the year gone by and see how far you have come and the remarkable posts that you have taken the time to write and motivate others, don’t let a bad couple of days get you down. you really are remarkable and i wish you great things for 2018

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hey Jonny, you will have hit the year mark now, massive congratulations and i hope you have had a decent Christmas.

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hi Laura, glad you had a nice Christmas and it is totally ok to write about what you feel is mundane, this is your journey and your page to off load onto.
i know what you mean though as sometimes i feel guilty about writing about anything positive when i know so many don’t have that light at the end of their tunnel yet but i remember reading peoples journeys when i was starting mine and never once thinking that anyone’s writing was less significant than anyone else’s.
we are all here for one reason, to get beyond that gambling place and to be writing about what others may see as boring 😉 it shows how far you have come and it put life in more of a “normal” perspective. who wants drama at christmas anyway 🙂

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i am just sat waiting for daylight then i am going to take the dog into the peak district for a couple of hours, fresh air and clarity and to reflect on this year coming to a close. i am then going to treat myself to a seasonal £3.60 costa latte which i have been looking forward to all week, i can appreciate something so small with incredible gratitude these days.
I have worked so hard since September and my wages have significantly increased that £3.60 wouldn’t even be a treat to someone else but it is to me, i am learning a lot more respect for money and it’s value and i am quite nervous as to how i am going to handle it when the overtime stops which i think it will do after Christmas and my wages drop significantly.
everything i have earnt over the last 3 months has gone into paying off the last 6 months of gambling( i still have debt management plans in place for the years gone by ) and i have just paid the last of the payday loans , car maintenance and christmas which i am extremely grateful for but the real test will kick in when it drops.
i have been getting hounded daily from paypal to bring my balance up to zero as i owed them money too, they are ruthless as i was making payments when i could but then they would phone up the next day hounding me for another payment. i woke up this morning and saw an email off them threatening me and i have managed to get a couple of hundred into my savings account which i obsess about as a CG never has savings so it feels nice, however i decided to use that to pay my account off so i can go into the new year without the daily calls. i just hope for more overtime next year, i am becoming addicted to working. (glad my therapist isn’t reading this). i still get that thought to gamble to make the money up but i won’t because yes i might win but if i don’t i will just be wishing that i had used the money to pay the debt in the first place.
it is terrifying to know that i could undo all the hard work over the last few months in one day, that is how powerful and destructive gambling is but i have the choice not to let that happen.
another good thing this week, i have started reading again, i haven’t been able to focus on a book constantly for years, it usually takes me 8 months to finish one but i am zipping through this one so that makes me happy.

i hope everyone can get something from the holidays, i know it can be hard for so many but it never seizes to amaze me that despite everyone’s battles and inner struggles, people unite on here to help each other through. if you need to have an active conversation with someone gamcare do an online chat where you can just type away and get a response, i know not everyone favour them (for me they were great) but they are there to help.
stay safe and gamble free

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Has your son arrived home yet? everyone does deserve chances but there is a point where he needs to take some responsibilities for his actions, by being so negative he is affecting everyone and it must be so draining for everyone, how long has he been like that? he must want it to be different otherwise he wouldn’t come around at all, maybe he thinks it’s a sign of weakness if he changes his behaviour to being civil?
whatever the reasons it is not your cross to bare, he is an adult and anything that gambling has to offer will only be temporary ( i know you know that )
the most important thing we can do before anything else is treat ourselves with kindness and respect, if we can’t do that then we are not open to receive it from anyone else, it’s also harder than it sounds.
take good care of yourself and make some time for yourself over the holidays

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what a beautiful post Laura and much appreciated, i hadn’t really put my achievements into such a positive perspective but you are so right, i think not gambling is always going to a journey but it is so important to recognise where you were and where you are now.
the gambling to run away from problems/feelings seem to be such a common trait, from the minute you decide to put a bet on the feelings would already be starting to be suppressed as the endorphins take over. the change that stands out to me now is that when i think about gambling i actually think about how disappointed i am going to feel with myself whether i win or lose.
i hope you a lovely time over the festive season which can be so troubling for many, to keep it simple that i read you was doing is wonderful and how it should be, from being in a place of debt and worry and losing all your money into slots to a place where you can embrace a holiday season and budget for gifts and a few edible treats is such a blessing. Not gambling can only enrich your life with appreciations that so many take for granted. thank you for all your posts, you have such a lovely way of communicating. 🙂

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