[Slogemblr]

Hello.
I really don’t want to annoy any of you with my problems.
I have quite a big personal issue at a moment…
In general, I’m totally fine, finished my bachelor, finally… Now tourist guiding (a bit less, as we are out of the season), but still.

OK, now, what is the thing. I will be or try to be direct. Haven’t told this to almost none of my friends, as it is one of the most stupid things that you can possibly imagine.

I am, for astudent circumstances in my country, earning quite a lot of money with student job, specially in the season. Of course, with some dose of knowledge and huge amount of energy, time.

First time in my life I started earning even around 1k €/month. I had almost no costs and most of the money (could) stay(ed).

But, just in the middle of the summer, in July, I went to…. Fu**ING casino. When I had a bit of spare time, I said to myself, why not, there are free drinks and stuff!

It was a bit weird, as there were mostly old, drunk, smelly, angry mix of people.
I got quite a lot of cash. Don’t remember exactly, but almost 100e. Amazing amount, for 1h of fun.
So I started going there regularly. Not only one casino, as well others, in other cities… It was fun, and I was earning on roulette constantly. More and more. Slowly thousands, imagine, thousands in just hour or two. For a really long time I had no any minus.

In beginning of September one friend showed me about his online sport betting, and as it was the time of the football season, I did my bet as well. 10e or sth,. I won! And I played it several more times, and always won,! Wow,!
Soon I discovered that this betting site offers as well online casino. I tried. It was easier to go there as to make excuse and spend time in some of the casinos. In one month I was 1,5k € in plus. I was combinating both internet and land based casinos all the time. I had my life, with gf we had lot of fun, but… Deep inside me I was thinking about the roulette ball. Like about some higher power.
And, it happened. I started losing. Piece by piece. For one moth, untill the end of October, I was covering all my losses, and always came back in the plus. I lost 300e in Casino, got 500 on internet. It’s goes quick, believe me. I told about my winnings to two closest friends, but was repeating them – I have things under control.
In the end of October I had almost 9500 euro on my account. I felt as the boss of the world.
But man, what happened to me was so so so bad and non responsible. I became obsessed with gambling. In the end of October, I lost 2500 € in one single day. Felt like a peace of sh**. Called gambling anonymous urgent phone line,. But still, this money was not really mine, it was only a part of the winnings. I was searing to him and myself that this is the end of my gambling career as I have already found myself as a obsessive and compulsive gambler. But next day I went to casino with another 2,5k € and… Wanted to bet it all on some colour and either won or lose. I didn’t have balls and loosed it all slowly, with smaller bets.

I was totaly frustrated and didn’t want to tell this to anyone. Same day I excluded myself from all land based casinos in my country.

I was not gambling for a while. Then for the Christmas time in other country and city, I went to the fancy casino in the city centre. It was the first time when I was in a casino where they were dealing games live, before I had always been playing on automates only. I went totaly crazy there and played like the biggest millionare, won a lot, lost, but was happy to come back home with a 1k € plus. Even thought I was constantly thinking about my magical 9k €. Like some higher need, to reach the amount that I have had before. This feeling, of having it.

To cut it down a bit, after my returning I got my motivation and feelings about gambling again. Sad but true. And in the past few weeks, lost it again in a big amount, as casinos kept mailing me some special offers and bonuses, which have crazy rules (I deposited 250e, got extra bonus of 250, and didn’t know that I have to wager this amount together 35 times, so 17k euro I have to pay =impossible!) lots of scamming, legal scamming of course.. But the one who was and is stupid is me and only me,! Yesterday I played for the last time, on a online casino. Lost it and now have less than 1k.€. Feel so so bad. I discovered all internet sites, blocked myself with some programe from all online beetinf sites, went to a library and took some books, even called gambling anonymous and registered for the live meeting, which is going to be on Friday.

But feel so bad. Haven’t told about this to anyone, anyone… But am telling to you, because I know that it cant have influence on me if you know this information.

please, try to understand how big problem it can be, and in my case is and how bad it feels. I apparently went totally crazy on money, even though I had never ever been like this before.

What do you thing about all this? I now swear, to myself, that I will stop with this crazy habit and addiction.

Sorry for being so long, just had the need to tell to someone… Be good. I will do everything to earn and spend only my money from now one. Have to save money as we are going to our new flat with my gf on the beginning do June.
How stupid I was…….

[LSA]

You can’t stop in time and seem tp be chasing your earlier amount. Clear signs of Problems.

I understand you have won almost 1k. now. You should forget and forgive your mistanke and never Play again.

Hope you manage to stop and quit your beginning addiction before you get More Problems out of it

[Now-or-never]

Welcome and congrats on taking the steps to come on here and start your life again. Your start sounds so similar to mine. I used to always win, had some massive wins esp for the amount I put in and wasn’t earning much. But the problem is, it hooks you in the long run the house always wins or they wouldn’t exist! Fast forward 9 years and my hubby and I are earning amazing money and we have nothing to show for it. Over the years I reckon I’m about 500k gone. First year of playing I was 5k up on 50 bets a visit (max). Now when I go it’s maxing the amount I can take out on whatever cards I can find. No one plans that, and if you continue I may be an example of what your life could look like.

what’s done is done. The only way we can move forward is drawing a line in the sand,leave the past in the past. It is never too late to take control. I’m only on day 8 and I’m so proud for not only making the first steps but for changing my thoughts and accepting what’s done is done. You have to give it up eventually, so why not now before more damage is done? You will never quit ahead. Let’s say you walk in tomorrow and by some 1 in a 100 million chance you win a jackpot of 9000, do you really think you could call it quits and walk away forever keeping all that money? You would think “I’m on a winning streak again” and off you go.

Keep posting here, keep your journal. Post your highs and lows and work out your triggers. Keep thinking positive, you have the willpower and strength to get through this!

[i-did-it]

Hi Slogemblr,

Most of us here probably became addicted the same way – some very big wins and feeling invincible.
I think it’s the devil reeling us in with false promises so he can destroy our lives.

You still have money in the bank and are seeking help – most of us don’t when we eventually realise we need to stop so well done !

Blocking yourself from land based casinos is an excellent start . You say you have a gambling blocker on your internet devices also . Can you find a way to restrict actual cash when you are away ? Is there someone who can control your money during these times.

Even when I stopped in the past , the addiction in my brain would start sneakily planning to gamble as soon as it knew I was going somewhere where my barriers were not secure .

Can u access the Gamcare website and work through their workbooks – they are CBT based and really good .

Please seek all the help you can – you can beat this and have your money to spend on you !

[Author]

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