[joan91]

You create a dramatic sympathy-provoking situation after you fail to keep your word to make repayments or when you know that your disappearance has angered, hurt or disappointed me.
You become irritable, childish and demanding when you don’t get what you want (money) or when something interferes with getting what you want (money to gamble). You adopt a “poor-me” attitude, love to play the blame game and manipulate me in giving in to your sob stories and financially rescuing you. You are totally unrecognisable during this period of the cycle, to the point where i wonder where you’ve gone.
Like a flip of a switch, you become kind, calm and pleading once you’ve blown your week’s wages and are in desperate need of money again. Being flat broke makes you dish out words of affection to further evoke sympathy and understanding in order to help you get by for the week.
Promises to repay are made, loved ones are sworn upon and so money is lent.

The week of borrowing has come and gone. Pay day has now arrived. Excuses are sometimes set early during the day to act as a perfect cover up for the night ahead.
Phone calls are missed. Text messages are ignored. Feelings of betrayal and self-hate sky rocket. Tears are shed, food is untouched. The need to distance myself as far away as possible becomes unbearable. Doubt about things ever improving floods my mind. Every excuse is scrutinised and calculated. My suspicions about his true whereabouts rise along with my gut. Promises that were made earlier in the week have been forgotten. Intentions to fulfil those promises are suddenly not so important anymore. Because cash has arrived and the more for yourself, the merrier you’ll be.

Feelings of thankfulness and appreciation for having lent you money for food, fuel & lunch during the week no longer exists. Exploitation sets in and the cycle ends only to restart and repeat itself every.single.fucking.week.

[Author]

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