[Melodys]

So I’m not 100% sure where to start..

I saw an online ad for an online casino about a year ago and decided why not.  I’d never gambled or cared to before then. I won 1000 canadian off the bat. All was well and I didnt bother with it for a bit. When I did bother again I spent no more than 100 at a time and one day won 11,000 usd which in my currency was closer to 14! My husband and I were ecstatic. Sidenote – I’m  26 year old stay at home mom on antidepressants with an alcohol addiction.. 

This was so exciting to us we took a trip to Mexico and paid off one of my student loans in full! I said I wouldn’t do it again , I’d count my win and walk off. Well I went back and began losing large amounts , overdrafting my bank account, transferring money from my husbands pay checks to cover it , even child tax..July 2017 I won 15000. Repeated the vacation and got us the rest of the way out of debt. I lost 4000 of it in an hour . My husbands words were “grab a brain!” With some other choice words. I felt so awful that went cold Turkey up until one week ago. I spent 700, won 500…aka lost 200. I tried again today and lost another 500. We have 200 left for the next week and a half. He knows what I spent but not how little is left . I’m physically sick , I’ve been crying for hours (hes out of town working) and I feel awful, disgusted in myself, incompetent,  and scared he’ll divorce me , even though he days he wont ..people van only take so much.  He breaks his back for us and I break his bank. If I didnt have my toddler I’d kill myself tonight. I’m just so ashamed I can’t sleep or stop shaking. 

Sorry for all of that , I feel at a total loss though it should be so simple ..

[Gbabyh]

Hi Melodys

First thing first, I know things are hard right now, but you have every reason not to commit suicide, so keep on fighting girl.

You have an alcohol addiction and now you also have a gambling addiction, so now you must realize that you have an addictive personality, which is something you must adapt to – you must become aware of your addictive behavior patterns and emotions, and work to control them.

After the realizsation, I would advise you to set up blockades for your addictions i.e. get rid of any alcohol or drinks associated and ban yourself from any casino – online and physical alike. I would also recommend to set up a system where you don’t have access to your bank accounts, and where your husband simply pay you a weekly/monthly allowances.

There are loads of other things you can do to make it more difficult for you to relapse into your addictions, which Im sure this forum can help you with to identify, but the aforementioned are the most common and straight forward and perhaps the most effective.

Once you have realized your problems are an addiction and have made initial blockades to prevent them in the future its time to help and work on yourself. By comming here to the forum you have taken a great first step, which can help you in all sorts of ways. Just writing about your thoughts and feelings can help you a lot, and the people here have many years of wisdom and experience from gambling addiction, which you need to extract for yourself so you don’t have to go through them yourself. You can also join a Gambler Annonymous group if there exists one in your local community – I find them to be extremely helpful.

The feelings of guilt and shame are something you through a long process of self-reflection will learn to accept in time – I myself struggled a lot with being ashamed too. But once I got smarter on my addiction and opened up about what was going on inside of me, what I was feeling, what I was thinking to my friends and family I felt much lighter and relieved. None of my friends and family reacted in bad ways (which I expected them to). Instead, they were very supportive and offered their help to me.

Anyways, there are many things to cover, but all in good time. Realize that you are on a journey now, and by coming here you took the first step, so go on forward towards that good life that I know you deserve and can get.

One day at a time 🙂

[Steev]

If you are thinking about suicide then it would be well to talk to someone at Crisis Services Canada (crisisservicescanada .ca) They should also have the information about GA or similar in your area.

You will probably need tell your husband what the immediate situation is anyway. It would be better to tell him than for him to find out in a bad way. I would imagine if he is working then there would be ways to find money to cover the immediate situation. It would be wise for you not to have access to the family finances whilst you are still gambling, but I know losing control is a difficult decision for gamblers. If you can – get your husband to look at some of the posts in the families and friends forum, where he can see what he might need to do to support not just you, but himself and the child as well.

I wonder if you are having any counseling or support for your problem with alcohol? If not, I suggest that you talk to a medical professional about your issues and see if counseling could be available to you.

Don’t feel that you are alone with this – reach out to others who understand and try and put the shame you feel to one side. There is no shame in asking for support – I have done so and do not regret it. I wish you well.

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Melodys]

Thank you for your words of encouragement , I do see an addictions counselor for the alcoholism yes , I’m going to bring up the gambling next time I see her too I’m just so embarassed 🙁 . Also thank you for the crisis website I’ll be contacting them regarding GA. Looking forward to being a part of this
Online community with you all ♡

[velvet]

Hi Melody

You didn’t ask for or want an addiction to gamble so embarrassment is completely unnecessary.

Negative feelings will get in the way of your progress back to a healthy life so put them away and concentrate on the positive actions you are taking such as joining in this community, seeing a supportive counsellor and caring for your toddler. Your husband’s words were cruel but said in ignorance – you are understood here.

Keep posting

Velvet

[Author]

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