[problemgambler99]

my name is tyler,

I am a college senior. I began gambling my second semester of my freshmen year of college and its taken so much energy from my life since. I have wasted every tax refund Ive gotten in college gambling. gambled money that wasn’t mine. Hid my addiction from my loved ones. The only person who understood my addiction and constantly tried to help me was my last girlfriend. I put her thru a lot with my addiction. After a binge in april of 2017, I swore gambling off. I wanted to kill myself after losing $1,100 over a 3 day period. I stayed clean for a few months. Then eventually me and my girlfriend split up in October of 2017. January of 2018 was my first time living without her in 4 years. I went thru a slight phase of drinking, but that made me feel alone. I went back to the casino for the first time in months. I won. I went the next day, and won again. This started my relapse that Ive been in since the start of the new year. at one point I won $2,000, just to eventually give it all back. I lost $1,500 on february 5th 2018, and have been financially and mentally broken since. I said Id never go back, but if I ever get my hands on some money I go right away. This past weekend I was some how lucky enough to win 600, just to go give it right back the next day when I had debts and bills to pay. Im really struggling right now. I have no one to talk to. My ex is there for me still sometimes, but all my gambling does is disappoint her. I cant control it. I hate myself. Im scared for my future when I have a career and substantial money that I may risk. I dont know how Im going to pay my rent in march. Im a fucking idiot. Gambling has taken me to the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

[i-did-it]

Hi Tyler
Well done on starting a thread and seeking help.
Sometimes when we are in the thick of it we cannot think straight .
It sounds to me like you need to self ban from local casinos – then you cannot visit even if you want to .
This will give you a little space from the constant urges to gamble.

You can defeat this horrible addiction. It is so unfair how some of us get addicted when none of us plan to but it is something we have to live with .

You will get lots of advice and help on here Tyler – you are young – you can turn your life around quite quickly .
Keep strong and take action so you cannot gamble today when the urge to do so comes .

[velvet]

Hello Tyler and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Johnny B]

I have been standing in your shoes many times. Let’s look at the positives. You are still very young and have a huge future ahead of you. The fact that you are recognizing a potential problem is huge. You are correct in recognizing that your future career earnings can be in jeopardy if you don’t control the urges. I made a six figure salary for 12 years, and have no savings. I have blown equity in my home, IRA savings and any “extra” money I could get my hands on over the years.
I stopped gambling a little over 3 months ago. I can’t say I have any extra money, but what I do have, I am very proud of, and I recognize that I can blow it all in a very short time if I am not in control of my situation. I never want to go down that path again (it only took me 30 years to realize it)Lol…
Good Luck, keep posting…join in on chat, it is nice to get to know some of the support that you will get on this site!
Hope the best for you,
Stay strong
Johnny B

[Raynor98k]

Hi Tyler,

Really well done on recognizing that you have a problem. Sadly, a lot of people either never make it here, or come here when they hit complete rock bottom. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you, so you are already way ahead on your road to recovery.

The first thing I would do is what some people already mentioned: exclude yourself from surrounding casinos. I live in San Francisco, so this was relatively easy for me because the closest casino is about 20 miles away. After that,. the gap gets larger. I recommend spending a day and driving to every casino near you (without cash/card) and excluding yourself. You can walk up to the front desk or security and they will help you. In my experience, they have been very friendly and take this very seriously. Do this for every casino close to you. This is step 1 of your blockers.

Step 2: download game blocking software. I use betfilter and have found it to be very effective. It’s about 60$/year per device, but anything to help you stop gambling is worth it’s weight in gold. I recommend buying and installing this on every device you have. I know it has helped me a ton.

Step 3, arguably the most important step: lifestyle change. To get over a bad habit (addiction), you need a complete lifestyle change. This means you need to develop good healthy habits to replace the bad habits with. I’ll give you an example: I am awful with money (not gambling related). I never had a budget, never had goals, just bought whatever I wanted and ate out a lot. The term “death by a thousand cuts” was probably created because of me. It was never a big purchase that killed me, it was the 1000 $30-50 purchases that did. So I decided I was going to be better with money. I make a budget every 2 weeks (every paycheck), and know exactly where my money is going at all times. I keep things in check with my main goals:

– I want to be able to buy a house (I’m 29)
– I want to be financially independent

Anytime I want to make a purchase, I weigh the pros and cons. The cons are almost always tied into my goals, and because of this, I have gotten a lot more disciplined with money. But the better question is, how does this work with gambling urges? If I get an urge to gamble (very rare now), I do these steps:

– Acknowledge the urge. This is extremely important. You hear a lot of stories about people “fighting” their urges. I am against fighting urges, because when you tell yourself “you need to stop gambling” or “I will not gamble” all your subconscious mind hears is “gamble”. I like to think logically and rationally about all thoughts now. One of my other goals/values now is to not act on impulse to anything (unless it’s for survival). When you get an urge to gamble, bring it front and center. Tell yourself “Oh hey, I’m having an urge to gamble. That’s fine, it is part of recovery, let’s play it out in my head really quick” which leads to the next action…

– Roleplay/Fast forward. I know what happens when I gamble. I know I cannot stop. So when I think about gambling and hitting a big jackpot, I tell myself “It doesn’t matter if I win because the system is designed to keep me playing until I lose it all. It is a trap and I know I will lose whatever money I risk.” I then tie this perceived outcome to my goals values in the last step…

– I want a house, I want to be honest, no secrecy. For myself and my family. If I gamble, I’ve already established I will lose. Less money equals less money for house, so that goal would be delayed. I would also do this in secret, and I am not doing anything in secret anymore. I am honest all the time. Because of these values/goals and this way of thinking, the urge fades very quickly. This is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and I find it to be extremely effective in combating any addiction. The more you do not give into the urges, the less powerful they will be.

The last piece of advice I would recommend is to stay active in the forums. Reading other people posts and responding to their threads has helped me a lot. I have not gambled in 35 days, and since then I have done all the above and only had an urge one time. It was quickly gone because I decided to post on here before acting on anything. I would recommend staying active here, and if you want to seek a counselor, I would highly recommend that as well.

Just remember, what you have been doing (sneaking off to casinos) is not the real you. The brain is extremely powerful, but very primitive still (especially the reward system). We know you are not a bad person, and you know that as well. We have created a bad habit that we would like to change. It doesn’t matter what we did in the past, as long as we can learn from our mistakes. You are already on the right path, and you have the tools to stay there. Stay active, stay aware of your thoughts, but most importantly, stay true/honest to yourself. Good luck

–Nick

[Peter S.]

I wish I could go back 35 years in time and tell my younger self how much gambling would ruin my life. I wish I could tell myself that you don’t have to gamble to be happy. I too need to ban myself from the local casino, only then will I be able to stop.

[problemgambler99]

thank you for the kind words it is really helpful. I have tried asking for a self ban before, but eventually I went back and they had no problem letting me. I will get thru this though.

[problemgambler99]

Thank you man the kind words are really helpful. Ruining my future income is one of my biggest fears. Even though blowing $1,500 as a college kid is outrageous, in the grand scheme of things its not that much money. And what scares me is if Im willing to blow that right now in college, whos to say I wouldnt blow 5, 10 thousand plus when I have a high paying career and constant income. I cant let it get to that point.

thanks though man. The kind words mean alot.

[problemgambler99]

Thank you man, I will def. consider the things you’ve said in this post. when you said ” The brain is extremely powerful, but very primitive still (especially the reward system)” towards the end it really helped put things into a psychological perspective. Much needed man thank you

[problemgambler99]

Hey man,

ive only been on this sight a few days and it is already helping tremendously. I hope things get better for you. At my local casino there are quite a bit of old timers 30+ years older than me that say the same stuff. No offense at all, but it really makes an impact on me because it reminds me how young I still am and how precious time is.

I really hope things get better for you. We are all on this website because were fighting the same demons. You got this man, you can do it.

thank you

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