[Tonilouise]

I don’t even know where to start….I’m only 25 and I have already ruined everything! I promised my partner that I would stop gambling last year as it was a case of him leaving if I didn’t. But then 6 months ago I started to feel depressed and lonely so I started again, it just made me feel better for some reason! It wasnt just small amounts either, I spent every spare bit of money I had on online slots! But then we had a massive blow out and aired everything that wasn’t working between us and we fell back into place! I am so happy now and haven’t felt the need to gamble for 2 weeks at least but this morning he found out about the gambling and says he is leaving! And now I’m lost because I know that if he leaves I’m going to want to gamble again even though I know it’s going to make things worse!
I feel so much better without the gambling and I really don’t want to go back to it…..I really need some help or advice please!! 

[Anonymous]

Hi

I’m sorry that you find yourself in this situation. As bad, or even as silly, as you may feel, you are not alone with this problem.

I know you don’t just want words but sadly there is no quick fix to this affliction. In fact, I wonder, is there a fix at all?.

What you can do is learn to control it, instead of it ruling your life, you can learn to take control back from it, control of your life.

This dosn’t help your immediate situation, I don’t think you have too many options about what to do.

Learning to cope and take control back begins by taking responsibility for your actions. You may feel like you gambled that money under duress, and many CG’s, (Compulsive Gamblers), would agree with you.

If your partner does go, sadly, that is a consequence of your actions.

I’m sorry if I’m sounding harsh I’ve had over 35 years of dealing with the consequences of mine, and I believe we can only truly leave gambling in the past by being completely honest with ourselves. Most of the sh** we end up in is either directly or in-directly a consequence of our gambling.

By realising this I was able to see that the only way was complete abstinence from gambling.

You can live in recovery from gambling, just like you can live in recovery from glandular fever or cancer. Unlike more mainstream illnesses or afflictions, whatever you choose to call it, I don’t believe it possible to ever be “recovered” from gambling. It is, I believe, within our very psyche, our DNA, others may not agree.

You can learn to keep it at bay. The addiction thrives on dishonesty and secrets always keeping a door open to the next time. Until…woosh, crash, bang wallop. And here we are.

The consequences of my gambling took me to prison 5 times.

At 25 you might be sick of people telling you that you have your whole life in front of you. You have.

Just because I’ve been to prison does not make my problem any worse than yours or anyone elses, just as the bloke who has been inside 10 times because of it hasnt got a problem any worse than mine. We all have a line we wont cross. I’ve found throughout the progressive years of my problem that once I had crossed a line, (lying, borrowing to gamble, stealing, fraud), they all became easier to cross a second time. Lying, particularly to myself, wasn’t second nature it was first nature.

Many will accept their situation readily, face the music, (consequences), and move on at the first attempt, realising the pitfalls, but at the same time realising, usually after many failed attempts that it is impossible without the right help and support.

I hope that you find it here.

I’m sure you will get a lot more constructive support from others who were, and are, hooked on the slots. That wasn’t my main sort of gambling. Just a different strand of the same problem.

You aren’t alone with this, keep coming back. And well done on taking the first step and admitting that you have a problem.

[finding_laura]

Welcome Tonilouise,

This compulsion, addiction, illness, whatever you chose to call it will only get worse with time. If you can realize that you need to deal with this regardless of whether your relationship ends, that you need to deal with it for you, for your future no matter what that future holds, then it makes it easier to come to terms with where you are now. He is probably angry and feeling betrayed. He may still give you an opportunity to explain about your addiction. And perhaps if you show him that you are taking steps to seriously address it, such as gambler’s anonymous meetings, requesting counseling etc he will support you. But either way, you need address this for you, or as Shark says it will continue to rule your life going forward. There are many of us here that have recovered at all ages. We all wish we had done it earlier. Right now you do have time on your side but that can slip away if you don’t address this. Some serious food for thought! Hugssss! Laura

[velvet]

Hello Tonilouise and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Author]

Posts