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Hi all,
I’m new here and unsure what to say or where to start.
I am a young married mother of 3 beautiful children.
I also have a serious gambling addiction.
This is the first time I will have been 100% honest and open about my addiction with anyone. So here goes…My poison is online gambling. Slots to be precise and one game in particular. It seems to have this horribly tight grasp on me and I can’t seem to get away.
I have borrowed from family members (still in debt to them as I write this), I have lied, I have spent thousands in the past year and I just honestly cannot do it anymore. I am hurting people who didn’t ask to be dragged into this mess. I have been late with rent and bills due to my gambling, I have spent money that could of went to nicer things for my family. We lost our house (rented) last year due to my ‘laid back’ paying of the rent.Today I decided to do something about it. I went to my GP and sought help. She also reckons I’m depressed too. BONUS! She was spot on when it comes to my mental health but she wasn’t very helpful in terms of gambling addiction.. I am still none the wiser on how to even attempt to defeat this.
Really tonight I am here seeking help. Guidance even. Someone who has been in my shoes and could give me a few pointers. Or maybe someone who is currently in this situation too who just wants someone to talk to. Someone to listen.
If you got this far I appreciate you reading my rant 🙂
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Your not alone. all of us share the pain and anguish that gambling addiction causes to ourselves and others. I dont post often but read others postings as they usually will have some relevance to my situation. The best advice at the moment is self exclude. I did that right from the start on September 25 2017 and haven’t gambled on anything since that day. If i would not have done that i would have gambled. Second i found a gambling anonymous group and attend weekly. Third i went to counseling for one on one weekly. I still attend that meeting. I also fill in time either by working. Going to gym the movies spending time with family. You must fill the time or you may make time to gamble. I told my family..what a hard thing to do but what a relief. They may not understand the addiction but they have compassion and are proud of me for admitting my problem and seeking help and putting barriers in place. Limit your access to money!!!if you have it the casino may get it. They have in the past. Take one day at atime. Believe in yourself and know there is alot more to life then spending your time and money on gambling. Breath.your gamblung free life is going to be GREAT! Good luck
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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
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Great to meet you Alliesmum today in chat! You have already taken on board some of the most helpful suggestions and applied them. Self banning and giving over control of finances can help a lot with urges, not to mention the self damage it saves us from. As you keep working on your recovery, so important for yourself and your young family, hopefully you will find the urges to gamble lessening and will be excited by your progress made and the possibilities not gambling can bring to our life. Well done on all your steps so far! There is no need to be perfect here in our recovery. Most of us are striving for progress with our recovery. The journey often isn’t straight and can be bumpy by times but we just try and help each other through it.
Welcome to the forum. I will do my best to post some promised links over the next day or so. Take care,
Laura -
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Hi alliesmum, You’ve already implemented a lot of good things to help you in recovery. You aren’t wasting any time! That is good! Having the support of your Husband, Mother and Sister is great! Keep going!
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Well done on seeking help, it’s one of the hardest things to do.
I’m so happy to read that your husband is on board with you on this, support at home is sooo important.
You’ve got some barriers up and that is brilliant, barriers have saved me from a life of misery.
Your life WILL get better. Sure, there’s still stuff, and you sound super busy with 3 little ones as it is!
But being there for them, in the moment, being able to be present in their little lives is something you will be so grateful for.
Gambling can never ever give you that!
Try and find some new coping strategies for your stress, a walk, a coffee with a friend, a bath with no interruptions (hopefully!!)
You are doing everything you can to stop gambling and start living.
That is something to be proud of!
Look forward to hearing more from you,
Love K xxx -
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Wow, amazing how life works. Something so simple gave your daughter so much joy, and it seems by your post it gave you some too!!!
It’s hard to dwell on money and time lost, I lost my house due to my gambling. I had to accept it otherwise I would never have been able to move forward.
Feel it, then let it go. It is what it is.
Hope you got your housework done. Back to work for me today and my body is feeling it, on my feet for almost 10 hours…ugh!!! Time for the hot pack, wish I could have a bath but we don’t have one!!!!
Hope your day was as lovely as your post!
Love K xx -
Good morning Alliesmum
I’m glad you are finding support both here and on the GA site. Our moods can really fluctuate over the first few months, and even longer actually, as our brains chemistry tries to reset itself to normal. It may be a new normal but the mood swings most definitely do settle. It all takes time. And the only way to earn that time is a day at a time. We just have to focus on today and making the most of today in a gamble free way.
It’s hard to forgive ourselves sometimes for the damage we have caused. But your little ones won’t remember, or barely will if you stop now. You will build new gamble free and present memories with them. Gambling doesn’t just steal things it steals time. And not just the time we are gambling, but the time we are thinking about the damage and where to get more money! I try and get joy from what many would consider mundane daily things. There are so many who would give anything to have exactly what we do.
so links!
recent research:
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/01/170103101751.htm
here is the link for the site with online GA as well as other multi group meetings. Discalimer!! I have not used the site nor attended a meeting yet. I am just in the process of starting to look into myself. The friend that gave me the link said meeting are well run but unsupervised general chat on the site can be a bit colourful to say the least.
Another link I found that had loads of information is from the Arizona Council on Compulsive Gambling. They have a lot of very specific info on types of gamblers, the reasons why we gamble etc. http://www.azccg.org/
Lots of reading if you want it 🙂
Have a great day! If it can’t be great (let’s face they aren’t all great) let it be gamble free.
Laura
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You have given your husband the best present of all by stopping gambling, Alliesmum.
Baking a cake with the children sounds great.
You have a wonderful man beside you.
All the more reason never to gamble again.
The guilt still hits me every so often but we can’t change the past.
‘Hope you enjoy the birthday party with your family.
The best things in life may not be free but they sure are less expensive than gambling! -
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Hi alliesmum, You’ve made giant strides in not gambling. Closing bank account, diverting your pay into Husband’s account, cutting up bank card, talking to your Mother. Reaching out when you are having urges is smart. Keep posting! Stay strong! Have a great gamble free day!
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Wonderful progress, Alliesmum!
You are acting fast on the advice that you need to act on. If I had been as quick as you, I could have saved myself a lot of grief, misery and debt. It took me many years to take the final step.
No joy ever comes from gambling.
Leaving a door open to gambling is the ruination of a CG.
When we know we have no access , the urges subside.
When we know we don’t have a box of chocs in the house, we crave less for chocolate. lol!
You might feel you are losing control over your finances but in fact you are gaining control.
It is when we gamble that we lose control.
Gambling controls us for as long as we allow it to.
Stay focused. You have wonderful support on the home front. -
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Sending some AWESOME your way!
Wonderful post, full of possibilities and hope!
I have been writing on this forum for over 8 years.
I have been through stuff, unrelated to gambling that has been treated with respect and a support I could never have imagined.
This site is a gamblers help site. I think though, it’s also a life during and after gambling site. We are only a day away from our next bet. Staying connected, for me has seen me through some hard times. The friends I have made here are close to my heart.
I have dropped off a few times over the years, but always find myself comingback . I am totally me on this site, not wife, Mum, daughter etc.
anyway, just wanted you to know that I really enjoyed reading your post before I head off to work. Put a smile on my face!
Take care, love K xxx -
Bravo!!
You are doing the right things Allie’s mum! When we are sick and tired of being sick and tired from gambling and are prepared to do whatever it takes to beat this, we succeed. It takes a lot to make us give up control of our finances and give up the means to access our addiction. It means you are ready to see it end I think. It will never be just a game for us. Great that you are putting barriers in place to help in a weak moment. No money = no gamble! Way to kick the addiction to the curb. 🙂 Have an awesome evening.
Laura
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So good when we can see a light and know there is a way out of the tunnel 🙂
Gambling was an escape for me, a release, a way to handle the pressure of my life and my personal situation. I’m a very strong person but everyone needs support.
I just remembered a link that I had found helpful when I was in early days of recovery. Worth reading again myself. More and more they are finding out that our brain behaves the same as someone with a drug addiction. These apply to us as well.
https://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/post-acute-withdrawal.htm
Stay strong, you can do this!
Laura
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Hi alliesmum ,
It was nice to meet you in chat the other day .
You are making amazing progress.
I can sense such a strong relationship between you and you husband , and whenever you feel guilty just remember you have got so many things right in your life .
I once read that the best gift a man can give to a child is to love their mother. You have got a good man there.Of course the coin was meant for you- God reaches out to us in many ways and is always there to welcome us back no matter how often we make mistakes .
I also love how you get joy out of the important things in life – your children .
You are a good person alliesmum and I am so pleased you are making such great progress in your recovery . -
Alliesmum, I have just been reading through your posts and really glad you have found GT, this addiction takes everything as I am sure you well know, it destroys lives and doesn’t give it a second thought, I like what you share about the coin and I am a strong believer everything happens for a reason, also I shouldn’t say it as will probably get in trouble with some but in truth no one understands a compulsive gambler apart from a compulsive gambler, keep fighting on and staying strong you are doing fantastic and I know how hard 7 days gamble free is you are doing fantastic, keep up the great effort and keep sharing, people make places never forget that…….you are one of those people.
Maverick
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Alliesmum
We never know how our words can affect others or how a simple post can influence another’s recovery.After being advised to do so for years by the many good members and staff on here , I am giving up control of my money . Your thread had somehow inspired me and I have discussed with my husband and an writing tonight to have my wages paid into his account .
I have no idea how this has happened -but thank you !
Maybe that coin was meant for all of us on here . -
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Ten gamble free days is a great achievement!
The good news is, we only need to stay free for one day and the days add themselves up.
Not having instant access to cash is vital in the early weeks/months.
Use all the support you can get.
Have you ever been to GA? -
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I hear you Alliesmum!
If you have a look at the Gambler’s Anonymous site online you will find some interesting reading.
No need to ever attend a meeting to avail of the services and helpful literature.
In my experience, having support from your family is most important. -
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Thank you Alliesmum for the lovely message on my thread.
I tried GA- I had mixed feelings about it but it has helped many – like you I don’t think I need it – hope I don’t eat my words. With young kids it is easier to access online support and having family support is so important .Although I have no longer access to my wages , ( well access that I can gamble with ) I haven’t really discussed everything with my husband – very little in fact but I guess every relationship differs .
Keep going strong -it’s a great feeling to have stopped and ten days is brill
Well done ! -
Congratulations on your ten days Alliesmum! It is a big deal! When it seemed impossible to go a single day and now you have done it ten times in a row. You’ve made a lot of the big difficult decisions. Now it’s to continue on with the journey with that foundation laid. Your world is going to be all the better for not having this in it. You are cherishing your children and family and that is what matters. It must feel good to put the focus back where you want it. Being a working mom can be busy and stressful. Don’t forget to work some rewards into your recovery. Everyone deserves to spend a little of their hard earned money on themselves. Whether it’s spending $10 on a beautiful scarf, a pretty journal and lovely pen from your dollar store or a date night with hubby. Something that replaces the “treat” we were giving ourselves with gambling. Stopping gambling shouldn’t all be about paying back debt and savings. Glad you are having a good day. Laura
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Alliesmum
I guess experience has taught me not to trust him with too much – sad by true.
I learn slowly but I do learn .
I couldn’t bear for him to use it against me in front of my son and I know he would .
I want my son to always see me as his lovely mammy .
Maybe that’s a lie , maybe it’s wrong , but that’s what I am to him despite all my faults – and I want it to stay like that .Does that make sense to you ?
Often I feel
I want to tell him all – but deep down I know I can’t . -
Those are the really important things – the unicorn swimsuit that she will tell her teacher and friends about .
The new shoes that make Mum feel great and boost her confidence .
In our world these things help .What kind of shoes? I haven’t bought new shoes since forever !
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Hi Alliesmum,
Most of us have been there , and I know for me it always takes me a while I am face writing about it on the threads .
The best advice I can give is that which Harry (GT) gave me – he said a slip doesn’t have to be a full relapse .
I get that feeling really bad afterwards – but I so admire how you have immediately taken steps to get those barriers set up again – your honesty with your husband is so admirable .
You will beat this you know.
I understand the urges become less frequent and less intense .Don’t be too hard on yourself – now of us are perfect – you are working hard on recovery .
My last slip was when my husband forgot an unblocked laptop- I have since set my barriers higher and now have no card (following your example).
I hope you feel better soon – I know how low it can bring us .
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Hi Alliesmum,
Don’t feel too discouraged, you sound like you have a wonderful husband and family and that is a great foundation for recovery. I would just let your husband know that this is in no way his fault (for leaving the card behind). It’s hard to understand, but any access to money is like leaving a needle around for a drug addict. It is so hard to avoid temptation when it’s there, but I believe in you. Next time a craving hits, try talking to yourself a bit before acting. Really acknowledge you have a craving, and talk to yourself logically about your decision. Understand that if you choose to act on the urge, you will lose money. Be brutally honest and say if you do this, you are throwing this money away, money that could be used for paying off debt, saving for kids, etc. I find that having goals with money are good to have. Right now I have goals to save for a down payment on a house. Anytime I get an urge, I just remind myself that if I do gamble, I will get further and further away from my goals. Stay positive, and stay honest (good job with that).
–Nick
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Aw Alliesmum
It is in helping others that we help ourselves.
I have been finding it pretty tough on the threads for a number of months – can’t do right for doing wrong kinda thing -so your last post has also meant a lot to me .
Very well timed and very much appreciated.
Thank you
Xx -
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Hi Alliesmum,
Just thought I’d check in and see how you are doing !
Xx -
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