[GT]

This is the first time I’ve sought help, having relapsed recently I’ve decided that quitting the addiction on my own hasn’t worked.

I need to turn to others for help, as my own willpower wasn’t enough, although it worked for 2 years I relapsed after worryingly forgetting the lessons learned.

The first time I gambled and lost more than I could afford was age 25. I’m 35 now. I wish I could go back in time and stop betting.

I wanted to save up a deposit for a house. Although I had a fairly good paying job, I felt I could do more, so I looked for extra work and was offered a part-time weekend job.

At that time I’d also found a matched betting forum with plenty of guidance and resources, I studied the methods and systems with great enthusiasm and I made over £2k risk-free.

As soon as I’d gone through all of the bonuses I had a hungry feeling of wanting more.

I decided to give betting a go, thinking if I went for low-odds, seemingly higher probability sports bets, picking the favourites, I could win.

I won over £1k in the first weekend by making small £2 – £10 bets on hundreds of sports matches, mainly football.
I decided not to take the second job I was offered as betting was a lot easier and I imagined scaling up my stakes to make big wins. Big mistake.

I wish I could go back in time and force myself to take that second job and never touch betting again.

I lost a few hundred, which I clawed back by betting hundreds and thousands, then I lost thousands and my savings squandered on betting.

Two years later and I was still chasing losses, thinking I could win it all back, feeling vengeance for the bookies that “took” my money.

This time I was betting on mainly tennis, but I’d also bet around the clock on international games, volleyball, basketball, rugby, baseball, boxing, formula 1 and horses.

I had strategies that worked most of the time, and rules that I stuck to, until something crazy or unexpected happened in the matches, or I’d get severely tired after hours of intense concentration at my computer screen.

I’d make mistakes, then I’d take bigger risks and the mistakes got worse, sometimes I’d be shouting at myself, in my head screaming what am I doing, how could I have done that, calling myself an idiot.

Even though I could win ‘big’ on many confidence inspiring players and matches, I’d risk thousands on players that would completely sqaunder my profits.

I’d end up betting on extremely volatile matches, trying to trade of out of the losses but end up losing much more than I’d ever imagine.

Often I’d pick the winner but at the last minute, switch on onto the other side, and then kick myself when my original pick would come through to victory.

I’d had enough of living from month to month on the bare minimum to get by, whilst carrying huge debt.
By the time 2015 came I’d lost too much and had enough of the stress and anxiety. I quit betting telling myself I’d never do it again.

From 2015 to 2017 I’d stopped betting.

Then in 2017 I relapsed. I’d started a new job, and for 10 months I and the rest of the team were working crazy hours. Then the summer came and work got quiet.

I’d get back in the evenings and have more spare time. Instead of spending more time with friends and family, I ended up betting and losing all the earnings of my new job in the space of 2 months.

I quit again, telling myself and promising family and a friend that I’d never do it again, believing I’d not ever do it again, but did I self-exclude?

Fast forward two years, I’d managed to get a great job that paid very well. Overtime was abundant and I managed to clear all my debts in rapid time over 1 year.

Perhaps I should have celebrated my debt clearance with greater meaning and achievement.

Then the overtime reduced and summer came by, this July I somehow completely forgot about how devastating and undermining gambling can be. I completely forgot how just an experimental bet can turn into a huge loss of time, money and self-confidence. I also got very lazy in terms of seeing friends and setting goals. I’d forgotten how hard things had been and how motivated I had been to quit betting.

I started betting, thinking just one or two bets could give me a few thousand.
I also felt pressure to have more savings than I had, that my parents would wonder why I hadn’t saved more, and I felt like I should have bought my own place by now, aged 35.

The hardest part is waking up every day knowing how much I’ve lost. All of the hard earned cash has gone.
They say to treat it as a dead friend or relative, knowing you’ll never get it back and moving on slowly but steadily.

I have been feeling extremely depressed and fragile over the last few months. I have lost far too much money. It’s going to take years to get my house deposit together.
I could have even bought a small flat/ house with the money I have lost over the 10 years.

I wish I self-excluded years ago. I always thought I could win it back by being extremely disciplined, but I’d always end up losing more than I won. The addiction drives the mind to keep going, even though you should quit whilst your ahead as they say.

I’d gotten to know the players and their styles well, I’d often make hundreds, thousands in a matter of hours in the evening, only to then stay up too late for one last bet, and lose it all by breaking my so called rules and strategies, or by staying too long in a bet that was losing but being in denial I’d not react quickly enough to trade out.

I’ve now self-excluded and signed up for therapy. I’m feeling relieved that I won’t have to bet anymore to chase my losses. The stress of risking my money was too much to handle.

If you’re able to self-exclude, but are thinking you can win your losses back, think again and stop now.

I wish I could have stopped straight away, but now I am aware of how strong the urge can be, and that the possibility of winning it back is much easier to deal with than facing up to the reality of earning it back the hard way. If only I’d have stopped sooner. Thanks for this forum, I hope one day that I can help others who are in a similar situation to break free from the addiction.

[velvet]

Hello GT and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Steev]

First of all, well done for stopping for 2 years on your own. I’ve never met anyone who could stop without support – so you have proved me wrong.

When you say “I wish I could have gone back” ( a few times in your post) I wonder if this is something you could pick up in therapy. What else was happening when you took up gambling – or when it first became a problem? Why did you pick it up again after 2 years rather than spending more time with friends and family? What were the triggers – so you know to look out for them in the future.

Good that you have signed up for therapy and that you have self excluded. Have you considered letting someone you trust handle your finances for you whilst you are vulnerable to urges and another possible relapse? I know this is not an easy step to take, but believe me, the more loved ones know what is going on and are able to give support, the less likely you are to gamble again.

You might also want to consider a self-help group like gamblers anonymous who will know what you are going through and help to point the way. I wish you well.

[vera]

“The hardest part is waking up everyday, knowing how much I’ve lost”.
I can relate to that, as can most compulsive gamblers who will read your words and say in chorus with you “If only…I wish/ I forgot /I promised/I should have/could have” and we will re echo all the the laments that will , sadly and sickly fade as the brain gradually (or even sometimes quickly) obliterates all the loss and grief and torture we have put ourselves through , whilst believing the illusion that swamps our addicted minds that GAMBLING IS FUN!
Believe me, it will be no fun, when you are 30 years older (my age) and you are still waking up, saying…”the hardest part is waking up every day knowing that the money was nothing compared to the LIFE I lost”.
Stay focused and forget the last bet.
the next one is the bet you need to postpone, one day at a time.
Welcome to the Forum.
I wish you a gamble free life.
God bless!

[Author]

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