[Dave_123]

Hi, I’m not sure if I need help with GA , need therapy or a divorce lawyer or quit My job so I’m asking for advise. I’m not selfish I read a lot of posts here over the last 8years and I took some great advise from this forum but my problem is “unique”(as in a mess) and I can’t find advise anywhere. I’ve been gambling for about 8 years now and I’ve been married for 8 years now . It started when I was living away from my family and living with my in law in Canada . My in law was a bitch and I had to slave for her because I had no papers and couldn’t work . My parents /family thought I deserved it because I moved away from them do they never supported me(fair enough). I was depressed ,broke and I gave someone a ride to the casino once and that was it. They gave me a few bucks to play and guess what surprise surprise I won a huge jackpot . Of course the money didn’t last long so I was back in the casino no time but it was more than that it was fun and just like any addiction I gambled my problems away . Fast forward 5 years after I quitted many times but My wife always somehow always find a way back to include her mmother in my life and my family always find the right insults to say I abandoned them. Stress we’re building up and I relapsed big time. Fast forward 2years after I finally got my papers in Canada started working building credit and no casino !! Yay!! Of course it didn’t last long until my mother in law manipulated my wife into selling her her house with her inside wtf? Right? I said whatever and stayed with it bottled up all that good stuff then one day I snapped moved out and within that one month i gambled 40000 in debt . All cash loans personal loans line of credit savings credit card bank accounts . Basically everything I worked for blew up in 1 month . My wife helped me gambled as well, I’m getting to clearing up the thought about me blaming everyone else for gambling. Fast forward 1 year later we struggled to make ends meet, I’m beyond depression , severe anxiety attacks , violent fights with the wife etc. Then one day I told her I had enough I want her to drive me to the casino and banned me . She refused to do it. I said I can’t do it I’m too embarrassed. Our marriage and relationship got f^*ked up so bad that we split up and I told her I wanted a divorce etc etc. This happened 3 months ago, I heard a knock on my door. Now bare in mind my family never wanted to help or even visited me in the past even before that they always treated me like shit. Guess who was at my door 6 of my family members . All of a sudden they started insulting me about gambling etc . Apparently little miss sunshine decided to call them and tell them all my misery /failures (I’m greateful for that ,getting to that part please bare with me) and they flew down to “help me” of course i told them everything on my mind and to my surprise they drove me to olg banned me from all olg casino in Canada . A month went by and I thought about a lot of stuff and about my f**k up so I asked the wife to give me another chance . She did and I was honest about telling her I don’t want her mom to involve in MY life or OUR relationship that she can have her in her life and she agreed. I thank my family and we’ve discussed a lot of stuff and they’ve apologize and helped me within that month financially getting a new place etc. My goal after that was to work save and repaying my debt. All sounds good but here’s the kicker 1 month ago the wife started saying hurtful stuff about my past gambling etc and I get it but I try to tell her I’m trying etc but she also went on to demand me to visit her mom etc which I did but the bitch also lectured me. I apologize to everybody but the gambling feeling came back . 2 weeks ago I’m working and I snapped at a co worker . This guy always on my ass and a lot of times I would ignore him and go gambling but two weeks ago I was like fu**k I’m going to stand up for myself but it didn’t go well I snapped and started yelling and left work . I had many fights with my wife last week and my family as well. Now I’m thinking of crossing the border and gamble. That’s all I could think about. What I need advise on is. Is you know a little bit of my story putting the A’s and B’s together am I feeling this way because of the addiction or am is my problems leading me closer to relapsing it is my addicting fooling me into believing my problems are unfixable avd getting worst that I need to gamble . I try to mediate and think positive stuff I even went to the extent of joining a gym and buying a PlayStation game to take my my mind off of stuff but all I feel is rage of standing up for myself but feel it’s the right thing to do but the wrong way to do it .

[Dave_123]

Omg I’m so sorry for all the typos, misspelled words and grammar. I was in a rush trying to get to the point so please forgive me. I hit send by mistake and now I can’t find the button to edit it. Smh

[i-did-it]

HI Dave ,
It sounds like you are very stressed with everything .
You are feeling vulnerable right now and feel you might gamble .
I think you need to speak to a counsellor about all the strong feelings you have been having
.
I guess the first thing I should say is that nobody , not even you is responsible for you having a gambling addiction. If you have known you would have become addicted you would never have gambled – none of us would .
However , it is up to you to manage this addiction.

Your wife sounds very disrespectful towards you (although I realise I am only hearing one side ). There is never room for a mother in law in a marriage and if you don’t want to visit her then don’t . You can assert yourself and say no – you don’t owe anyone an explanation . It sounds like she has done a lot of damage in your marriage with her controlling behaviour – you didn’t marry her and she is not your relative!

You are entitled to a good life – it sounds like you are not getting support – but being ganged up on.you deserve respect as much as anyone else .
It sounds like you are difficulty asserting yourself- you allow your family and her family to basically bully you.
You are in control of your own destiny . You do not need anyone’s permission to live your life in the way you see fit .

You got mad at work- this often happens if we do not know how to assert ourselves – things build up and we lose it .

I think maybe you should do an assertiveness course – you deserve respect and your opinions are as valid as anyone else’s in the world .

Last thing – don’t escape by gambling – it will. Only make matters worse.

I hope this helps -you deserve a good life – a happy life – and a life with peace of mind !

[Author]

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