[John117]

About 5 years ago my friends and I started an annual trip where we would golf, go to bars, and stop by a few casinos. Every trip I bring an allocated amount to gamble with and every trip I’ve exhausted that amount quickly and end going to the ATM or making a cash advance on my credit card, often several times. Besides the annual trip I started going to local casinos more often and after a night out with friends would head to the local casino versus coming home, never telling my spouse where I’ve been. All of my gambling has been on slot machines and over the past several years I’ve been betting bigger and bigger. I’ve noticed people at the casino being happy with a $30 on a slot machine and I’ve thought “that’s it, why are they excited”?

I’ve won “big” now multiple times but have always managed to give it right back. Last week I was in Las Vegas…Well, like I usually do I brought a set amount to gamble with and to my surprise won $5,000 the second day. I was over the moon with that win and held onto all of it for two days saying to myself “I’ll bring this money back with me”. Well on the third day I had a lot to drink that night and lost all of the money. The final day of the trip I made $3,000 in withdrawals from my checking account in attempts to win the money back. At the Las Vegas airport on the way home I made a $500 cash advance on my credit card and gambled nearly all of it away in a matter of minutes at the airport slots. I was down to $100 and hated how I was feeling. I put that $100 in my pocket, said to myself “that’s enough”, went to my gate and left for home.

Before I got on the flight home I bought a book called “All Bets Are Off” on my phone, a book about gambling addiction. I read the book on my return flight and it was an eye-opening read. For the first time in my life I knew I had a addiction problem with gambling.

Here’s what I’ve realized about my addiction after having an honest talk with myself. I don’t gamble because I need the money. I have a good career, make a good income, pay the bills on time, don’t carry credit card debt, etc. What I enjoy is the thrill of winning money that wasn’t mine to begin with and then knowing everything I can buy afterwards is “free” except I never get to the point of buying anything with the winnings. When I’m up I’m happy yet won’t be generous with the money I won in terms of buying something for a friend or family members birthday. The money I win eventually always goes back to gambling and then some. This has made me feel disgusted with myself.

I’ve opened and closed several bank accounts over the past year to give me a “fresh start” in terms of not seeing the withdrawal entries from casinos or before a trip to a casino. It doesn’t help that my spouse and I have separate finances which has led me to not being accountable for my loses. I just asked her today if we could start putting our money into a joint account as I know it’s something she’s wanted for a long time. I still have a good amount of money in my savings and don’t want to lose it to gambling so I’m putting it into the new joint account. Overall I hope this will be a positive change.

Do I think I’ll never gamble again? No. I enjoy it too much, it’s fun in terms of being entertainment. I don’t want it to be addicted to it though and now know gambling more won’t increase my income but rather reduce it until I have nothing left. I want to eventually go on those annual trips with my friends, bring a few hundred dollars like them and if I lose it fine but that’s it. I’m sure many would disagree with this mindset and say I should never gamble again.

Well, there’s my story so far, it feels good to finally tell it. I’m looking forward to following up in this thread and helping others on the forum

Thank you,

John

[Steev]

John, thanks for your post. Like you I thought I could just enjoy my gambling. I could afford it, I wasn’t I debt. I wasn’t hurting anyone – it was just a hobby. But things change – in my case I lost my job. Most people would have savings to fall back on – not me. My relationship ended and I moved to a new area. Instead of making new friends I gambled more. I got into debt, no problem I can afford the repayments. Then a new relationship with someone overseas – expensive travel, want to impress, more and more debt. Then another split, depression, time of work, debts dragging me down.

That was my future from when gambling was fun. I’ve been gambling free for years but am still paying for it.

Only you know if you are addicted or not. I admitted it when I realised I couldn’t stop alone. At that point it was still fun – of course it was … but I knew I HAD to stop.

Either you will reach that realisation then people here can help or you will continue to enjoy gambling. Either way I wish you well.

[Chcrtmm07]

I have recently gambled (Online) and accurred about £12k of debt (credit cards) and have left my family penniless, feel so so guilty and ashamed, husband is contemplating divorce.
Don’t know where to start , I have signed up to gamstop for 5 yr period , but scared of what the future holds , do I have one ? … what’s worse is that I know it’s my own stupid fault, I caused it, no-one else .
Need advice on where to go from here please desperately.
Thanks for taking the time to read this .

[Steev]

Hi Ch07 – Firstly I think you would be better starting your own thread / journal – as this post may get missed here.

You need to get help with things – talk to people on here in groups or one-to-one, it will be difficult to do stuff on your own especially when you are so upset. Also get help locally, through your doctor or local self-help groups like GA or similar.

Also your husband may benefit from looking at and maybe posting on the friends and family forum here. The more he knows about your situation the more understanding he MAY be. Because it is not you who is a bad person here – it is your behaviour that has caused this mess and your behaviour can be changed.

Gamstop is a great starting point and if there are other things you can put in place, please do them. Can your husband handle your finances for you? Without money for gambling it is (virtually) impossible to do so. Also try and fill your time with things away from gambling and whatever triggers gambling for you.

Get some good financial advice about the debts – can the interest on the credit cards be stopped? Do what you can to make things better for yourself. Put as much time into your recovery and looking after you and your family as you used to put into gambling. I wish you well.

[Steev]

Hi – we were in chat but I got kicked out and couldn’t log back in again.

Just to say that I think it is really important to try and establish some sort of dialogue with your husband. If you are in the UK – relate offer a life chat service on-line for individuals as well as couples who are having problems in their relationship. I think the link is relate . org .uk

You need some support in this – you sound very alone with it all. I know involving someone else is difficult because of the shame we all feel around our addiction – you need to look after yourself in all this.

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

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