[critias7]

My first bet was in October of 2009.  I was about to fly home from Las Vegas and stopped to play Roulette for a few minutes and won $35.  This would prove to be the most expensive $35 of my life.

I later noticed that there were match play coupons in the student coupon books at my University.  For a couple years I would only go into the card rooms and play the coupons and then leave immediately.  It’s hard to believe, but in this time I won about 9K mostly only on these coupons and offers.  It got to be a game of every day at the beginning of work I could write down whether I won $20 or lost $10 the previous day.

Of course, this eventually evolved into legitimate gambling without the coupons and I was on my way towards being a compulsive gambler.  I remember years ago I lost $100 and it felt like the world had ended.  This loss increased the next time to $500 and then $1500.  I decided to attend GA but didn’t feel I really belonged there then.  About 30 months ago I lost 10K in about 24 hours.  I joined a really good group of GA members then and for about 2.5 years I was clean, though our group eventually folded up when we lost our meeting place.

This brings us up to what happened to me about 4 days ago.  I was feeling down as a girl I had asked out hadn’t called me back.  I very rarely go on dates and I’m 42 without a partner for many years.  In my twisted mind I resolved that if she didn’t text me back I’d go to the bank and withdraw 5K to go gamble at the casino about 15 minutes from my job after work.  I had gotten the money and on my way to the casino I heard the noise that she had contacted me and wanted to meet later that night.  I had the money in an envelope in my pocket and should have resolved to change my mind then and there.

I’m sure all of you can tell how this ended up.  I lost the 5K at the Blackjack table and somehow made it to my first date later that night.  Not sure how I kept up a good face with the girl, but I managed it.  Called in sick the next day at work and went back to the bank and withdrew another 5K.  I resolved that I’d only lose 5K at a time and stop to think for a minute about what I was doing.  I rationalized that if I could save the last 5K of my 15K of savings I could still pay my mortgage and other bills for the month.

As of last Tuesday, I’ve lost almost all of my savings in my checking account.  I still have other assets like my house and an investment property, though I don’t know how I can afford to make repairs on them for the next few months.  I might be able to scrape by if I cut everything non-essential out of my expenses.  It took me about 2.5 years to save the 15K and losing it hurts, but what I’m really scared by is losing the respect of my friends and family.  I told my mother about what I’d done and she is really supportive.  I’m going to go back to GA and really try to commit to it.  Any feedback all of you might have would be appreciated.

[charles]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[charles]

Hi Critias,

I have realised that you have reposted what you posted last week? I would recommend keeping one thread running by just typing in the box at the bottom. otherwise things are more likely to get missed/repeated/confused.

Did you get back to GA? Were you able to put any of things other thigns that were suggested inot practice?

[finding_laura]

Hi Critias,

it does hurt to lose the respect of friends and family and most wouldn’t understand that it felt so uncontrollable and really at the time didn’t feel like a choice. Don’t feel you have to tell everyone you had a problem. Only those you can trust to be supportive. If someone asks you to go gambling you can always say I just don’t. Believe it or not beating this addiction can be one of our proudest moments deserving of respect. How are you doing/feeling today?

[Author]

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