[ChrisM38]

Hello with gratitude to anyone taking the time to read this.

My name is Chris and I am a compulsive gambler trying to recover. I was addicted to all forms of gambling from fruit machines to football and from racing to roulette.

I don’t know when my story with addiction started. After a counselling session, I sometimes believe it started in early childhood. After a GA meeting, I sometimes believe it started soon after I placed my first bet. I sometimes believe that it is not important to know why I became a gambling addict and I sometimes believe that it is vitally important to understand then.

So I suppose I’ll just share everything that’s in my head and heart, from the beginning.

I was born in 1986 into a broken family. My father was a violent drunk and my first memory (although I have only recently remembered) is of him beating my mum while I was in her arms. I was little over a year old.

That night was the night we escaped him. My mum, battered a bruised, grabbed me and my elder brother and ran into the street begging for help. We never went back.

I don’t remember much of my early child. In fact next thing I can really remember is three or four years on when my mum had met my step dad and we were living more as a family unit. Mum worked hard to support us and we spent a lot of time with child-minders and baby sitters. Mum and Michael (my stepdad) were determined to show us work ethic as financial responsibility as examples. The opposite of my dad, who we’d see on Sundays. He’d take us in the back door of the pub opposite my grandma’s house at 10am and we’d stay there most of the day, aside from a brief visit across the road to see Gran. Dad would spend most of his money on alcohol and gambling and say things like ‘you can’t take it with you when you’re gone.’

Both my Mum and Dad had large families, many siblings but were not close. My mum was not on speaking terms with her parents for most of my childhood and only spoke to one or two of her brothers and sisters, of which she had many (i’m still not sure how many). Dad similarly didn’t seem to value family, though he was the apple of his mother’s eye. He kept in touch with a brother and a sister as far as I remember but most of the family had upped roots and moved on. My stepdad, on the other hand, worked in a family business and they seemed to be a strong family unit – his mum, dad, two brothers and their wives but I would often overhear a lot of problems and in-fighting. Family was never really demonstrated to me as positive thing.

I used to envy some of my friends. I loved going to there houses. One friend in particular, whose family made me feel part of theirs. I used to eat dinner with them. Stay over. Go to football matches etc. Sometimes I’d spend more time there than I did at home.

Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t unhappy at home at all. I was well-fed, well clothed, never wanted for anything. I did feel my parents (mum and stepdad) were over strict about certain things, chores we had to do and time limits on computers, sharing a room etc. but all in all I was a fairly happy child.

As I grew into puberty and teenage years, I became more of handful. I would steal money from my stepdad’s wage packet to buy chocolate and fizzy drinks. I got caught often but not half as often as I used to do it.

At 16 I went to college, had an average first year but in the second year something in me changed. I used to skive a lot. I would go in but not go to lessons. I became more of a social animal, sitting with friends in the canteen and going out drinking every Wednesday night.

It was towards the end of term that I had my first bet. I was in the bookies Saturday morning with the football lads. I had no idea about gambling apart from playing fruit machines from time to time in pubs. I asked a friend to show me what they were doing. I put on a £2 accumulator. It won £352!

To be continued…

[velvet]

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Hello Chris and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

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