[bobobaldy]

Hi my name is brian and for the past 15-20 years I have had something that I have carried around on my shoulders which I couldn’t tell anyone. I had a secret girlfriend. It all started with a one night stand that went on to a full blown affair where I ended up being besotted with her. I was dreaming having nightmares you name it she was the first thing on my mind. Let me tell you my story about my secret girlfriend. Her name was “” GAMBLING “” In the beginning I never wanted to have a secret girlfriend she just managed to overtake my life,I never knew from that first time I would never be the Same person again don’t get me wrong I had good times at the start it was such a rush me Brian having an affair o couldn’t believe it either I always thought I was a normal guy but here I was having a secret girlfriend she never moaned never spoke back and sometimes gave me money but that was only in the beginning I never knew how much she would change over the years how she would get into my brain where I couldn’t function without her. I was starting to fall for her big time I was on course for the biggest fall I could ever dream about, I just never realised how much it would affect me,my family in fact everything around me would suffer because of my secret girlfriend. Over the years with my affair with her I lied stole hurt loved ones I couldn’t help myself I just wanted her even if it was for only a short time, I would spend all my money and more on her I didn’t care as long as I had her in my life. I was now hooked on her and I couldn’t finish with her she had her nails under my skin and wouldn’t let go I didn’t want her to let go either. The years would go on I was now having a full blown affair I was so ashamed of myself but I couldn’t let her go I tried to tell myself this will be the last time I see her but no I was only kidding myself on I would be back with her before I knew it I was in love with her but I couldn’t see it, it was destroying my life, my secret girlfriend was now my worst nightmare,I had to get out but I was in too deep now, how could I finish with her I had spent the past 15/20 years with her I couldn’t just let her go,even though I had nothing left to give her I was now at my wits end, I had lost everything trying to keep her a secret but for what she was now laughing at me I had no home no job no family to support me I was in the gutter. I was nothing to her just a flash in the past but I still wanted her I would die for her if I had to I didn’t care I just wanted her In my life again, I was besotted with her I needed help, but where would I get help from I had burned all my bridges I was in too deep I had dug a hole that deep I couldn’t see a way out I just wanted to sleep for ever and it would all go away, I have had enough my life wasn’t mine anymore. Please please someone help me I will do anything to take the pain away I don’t want to die I want to live again I don’t want her ever in my life again. My secret girlfriend destroyed my soul and my life, don’t let her destroy you get help.

[charles]

Hi Brian and welcome.

I too would compare this addiction to a love affair. Like most love affairs trying to stay “just good friends” doesn’t work.

Dump her. Delete her mobile and rip up the love letters!

There is a lot of support out there these days, sites like this, GA, counselling, residential support and more.

Keep posting and let us know what positive steps you are taking.

[bobobaldy]

Thanks. I am a resident in gordon moody I just wanted to put something on for people to relate to & see if anyone need any advice. I have completed the program and am in the halfway house now.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks for your honest thread. I could relate to a lot that you said. Keep living a gamble free life!

[icandothis]

Hi Bobo, I so related to your post. I, too, have felt that my relationship to gambling has been my secret affair. My advice is to stop keeping it a secret. So many times I have chosen this addiction over my husband. one relationship over another. This relationship can be broken. It’s not easy, but it can be done. I have never been unfaithful to my husband with another man. But, time after time, I chose gambling over my husband.

[bobobaldy]

Yes I understand I just put it a way for people to understand what it is like & how it grips u & destroys ur life & those around u. It has the same affect as an affair. If u want to get help u need to be self honest with urself. Once u start that u let other in & u can REBUILD ur life again. The best thing in done was the gm rehab & prelax prevention in the halfway house.

[p]

Well i think you have done very well… Keep moving forward, i do love your analogy of the affair. It makes it very relatable.

P

[bobobaldy]

Thank you. Being gambling free I have a better outlook of life & I can now cope with things. It has been a very long time that I can look myself in the mirror & smile.

[Author]

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