[tommyw46]

A little bit about me, i’m 29, male, decent job, great girlfriend and family who I live with again, having sold my home a couple of years ago. I’ve been with my current girlfriend 18 months, we live apart approximately an hour and previously I was with my ex for 5 years in our own home. 

I’ve always been a likeable, on the face of it happy sociable person with a good heart. Not a heavy drinker and never a drug user (minus one trip to Amsterdam). My vice in recent years has been Gambling.

I first started gambling when things became hard at home, my partner didn’t earn a lot and I took out a first small loan at crazy high interest to help tie myself over for the priority bills.. HUGE MISTAKE, I then took out loan after loan and quickly began to lose track of 

which companies i’d borrowed from. Inevitably the odd payment was missed and my money situation worsened, i’d alienated myself from my family at this point as my partner was incredibly anti social and didn’t want to mix with them. I was stupid and allowed my relationship

with my family to become isolated having gone along with what my partner wanted. We weren’t a good match at all and this definitely contributed to my later (and current) problems. One payday I walked into a bookmakers on the way to my local pub and put £50 in a fruit machine, I walked

out half an hour later with over £700… the following month the same happened, I went into William Hill won £400 off my ‘payday punt’ and then walked across the road to Betfred and won another £500. I couldn’t believe my luck, thanks to the bookies i’d gone from no money to feeling flush. 

Unfortunately I wasn’t and the bookies had me right where they wanted, I got a taste for gambling but in the form of sports betting, usually football. It started off with £10/£20 at weekends over a pint and remained this way for a couple of years. I guess at this point I was being

conditioned into routine gambler, not a massive one but the fuse was lit and the explosives were waiting to explode….

I continued in the same vain right up until splitting with my ex, I then enjoyed my single life in the sense of nights out with my friends drinking, playing snooker/pool etc, I was living beyond my means and loans were so easy to get hold of that if I ever needed more money I could get my hands

on it within an hour of applying. So now i’m skint (and nobody realises how skint they are on high interest loans), drinking and socialising more and you guessed it becoming desperate for a big win to sort out my financial situation.

Now in my mind there are two types of gambler, the one who bets for the buzz and the one who bets to get themselves out of a situation, people could argue there’s no difference however I was betting because in my mind i’d won big before and wanted to win big again to sort out my finances.

I lost, I lost again and again and then when I won it wasn’t enough so I lost it all again. You can’t win, not really. It’s a cycle that gets hold of you, squeezes the person you actually are out of your body and then makes you do things you’re barely aware of. 

Just as things were reaching breaking point I met the most amazing girl… through an app that I am grateful for, we live apart and I used to travel as often as possible just to meet for a drink or a bite to eat. I felt back to myself again happy and alive again. Of course I still had debt problems

and a gambling habit to feed. I was still taking out loans, we went out for a valentines meal and of course I wanted to pay, I spent the day trying to source a loan for a couple of hundred quid and succeeded. What kind of way was this to be living? I told my now girlfriend I had debts, overdraft etc 

but hid the loans and gambling, in my eyes I was going to sort the loans by either hitting a big commission cheque or by winning a big bet, then I wouldn’t have to do either loans nor betting. My girlfriend has her head screwed on, lots of savings for a 25 year old, she helped me now and again

paid for our luxury holiday to Bali and before I knew it I owed her £13k and without being aware how bad it was I owed another £7k to loan companies. I was concerned but I knew my house sale was due to complete and I’d be back living with the parents, I’d get £19k for the house sale and be able to sort

all my debts out. Unfortunately gambling had taken hold of me and when the sale did go through I thought I could pay my girlfriend back, pay the loans off and with a bit of luck still have a hefty amount left for myself. I started betting big, £100’s at a timeand in a few months my money was gone. 

Until the house sale had gone throug i’d bet small amounts, but now i’d upped the stakes and the pressure started to tell. I felt hopeless, I let myself go appearance wise and took no pride in myself at all. 

It was months until I had the courage to tell my girlfrend what i’d done, I only told her about her money and that i’d taken out a couple of loans, she was livid, she then calmed down and acknowledged I had a problem, we went to a gamblers anonymous meeting.

The people there had been through worse than me, ruined marriages, sold their parents houses undertheir noses etc. I walked out thining i’d never bet again. I didn’t for 2/3 weeks, I didn’t miss it at all but then it hit home again that I needed more money to pay off these loans so I started gambling again

and took out more loans, i’d hide my phone from my girlfriend so she couldn’t see I was gambling, she thought I was having a fling!!! 

On Friday 10th May it came out, my family sensed something was up, my Dad confronted me and I broke down in tears, i’d been late paying my parents board every month and my behaviour was just bizarre, not myself. I’m concious i’ve written an essay so i’ll get to the point, many arguments later 

and lots of tears later and i’ve already made steps to sort my life out. I feel like a new man, i’ve done 3 credit check reports and taken note of who I owe money to. I’ve contacted a couple already and even realised i’m due compensation for miss sold loans, I’ve blocked all the betting apps and

i’ve been open with my loved ones for the first time in years and it feels incredible. My dad comented that I actually looked him in the eye when talking to him yesterday, I haven’t done that in so long. I’m writing this to share with everybody that no matter how dark a place you think you’re in

just contact the loan companies (they’re reasonable…surprisingly), don’t gamble to get yourself out of a hole it just won’t work and most of all if you have a support network of family or friends around you just speak to them. I dreaded telling the truth and now i’ve got my life back, a sense of purpose

and my future looks bright, my family and girlfriend don’t trust me but they will, I have so much to give to the people I love and to the world and so do you reading this. Good luck to all. 

[Had a bad day]

Well done for coming here and taking steps in recovering. How long have you been gamble free? I’m new to this journey also. Day 2 here but feeling optimistic like yourself. I’m sure this journey will be an emotional roller coaster but hopefully with support from like minded people we can get through the tough times.

[Meghna83]

Well done for your courage and honesty. You owed that to your loved ones more than the money you borrowed from them

Well done for finding those solutions, closing accounts and using that compensation to clear debts. That’s taking responsibility for your actions rather than burying your head.

Trust will take time. I keep reminding myself Rome wasn’t built in a day. Little by little your finances will get better as will your mind and your relationships. Your relationships are the most important as is your wellbeing.

Well done again and do keep posting about how you’re getting along.

[charles]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

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