[StayStrong]

I am relatively new to this site and don’t want to offend anyone but I am looking for help and guidance. I have been truly gambling for over a year now and I know it has become a huge part of my life> My wife hates it and wants me to stop. I have had some bad days where I have lost a lot but overall I am actually up quite a bit. Which I guess is the problem. I feel so torn and confused because I want to stop for my wife and ease her mind and not have her worried about my addiction, but at the same time i view it as not only entertaining but also something that is quite rofitable. I know there are dangers in playing and you can always lose it, but how is that different than contributing to your 401k? Also, I have been telling myself if I put deposit limits on my online accounts I won’t let those bad days spiral. I have shown a history of winning more than I am losing. I don’t want to offend anyone and I know most people are not profitable with gambling, but there are some and why can’t I be one. I guess I am looking for guidance and answers to convince me otherwise because I dont think I’ll be able to stop until I find a good answer. I really want to get this addiction under control but it’s tough to convince myself I need to stop when I feel like I’ve proven I can win, I just need to set limits to control my losses. Any advice would be appreciated

[Rdy4Chng]

I’ve personally lost over 100k. I don’t think anybody who gambles regularly will end up a winner. Maybe if you play poker and are sponsored or if you never play the lotto and do once and win big. I’ve gone on good runs but I’ve gone on huge losing streaks as well.
If u think you have a problem, you probably do. My 2 cents.

[velvet]

Hello Stay Strong and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Dark Energy]

let me try:
1: it is a fact that you can’t win money gambling, the sad truth for an addict is WE CAN’T STOP. regardless to how many time you actually win you will back again and eventually you will lose all that money and you will continue until you lose all the money that you have access to.

2: you mentioned you need to limit your losses: you are the one who makes the rules and you are the one who can break them or “change them”, you may limit your losses to x amount but once you lose X amount, no one can prevent you from changing this limit??

3: you are saying that you are up i really doubt that we don’t give the same weight to the losses and to the wins , i hope you have a record some where to double check that..

4: it is a progressive addiction, you may have some sort of control now but as you keep going you will lose this control

5: finally stop for a 2 months and monitor all your thoughts and urges. do you really can stop easily any time or the addiction is pushing you back to gambling.

stop while you can, stop before losing everything “literally everything “.

[Rdy4Chng]

Number 4 is key. 

[StayStrong]

thank you dark energy. in regards to number 2 if i set a limit for the month, then i would have to wait a month before the limit officially changes and can deposit more. i hope that would be a sufficent cooling down period. in regards to number 3 yes i really am up quite a bit. i do have online records and tax return statements to show this. number 4 is what scares me because i know the thoughts of contnuing to gamble pervade my brain even when i dont want them too. is there no way to control this? maybe i am trying to have my cake and eat it too and maybe i can’t do that but that is what is tearing me up inside. i don’t want my loved ones worrying about me but i feel that if tweaks can be made and barriers in place (harm reduction) then maybe i can use it for some entertainment and make some money because the money i have won has helped us. I guess that’s my struggle. Too me someone who is addicted to drugs, i don’t see how there can be a positive from that. but for my addiction to gambling, while it has some negative effects, it can also have some positive effects of giving my family extra money. 

I am not trying to be a jerk but just explaining my thought process in hopes that my mind can be changed

[kamirr9077]

In the span of two years from 10%up , i went down to 100%.

I was on cloud nine when i was in winning streak and thought i was in control and i figured it all untill i hit the loosing streak which every gambler has to go through this phase .

As darkenergy mentioned it is a progressive addiction.

I gradually moved From 10$ bets to 4000$ bet a hand, in span of 2 years . Atleast i thought i had control but how i lost control and how i took loans @ 36% apr i don’t know . Its like a drug and you are not in your real senses.

Lets say i win in these 3 years and what is the guarantee i wont lost after 5 years or 10years while i am going through few imp things in life .

Over the last 3 years i have gone through many phases of depression , stayed away from my family , friends . As i was carrying the guilt for not being able to be generous towards them .

If you think you are winning while gambaling it is not true , the level of anxioty you through , the stress, most imp the time you miss living in real world (which is imp more than anything)

I wish i would know about this forum when i was up and at your stage .

No one can stop you from doing what your doing but we can share our real life experiences and results this might help you like a real statistics .

[i-did-it]

Hi Staystrong Most people who develop a gambling addiction actually win money in the beginning. That’s the positive reward that makes our brains want to return for more. If we lost first time we probably would have stopped.

For many people who become addicted those early wins are very significant significant – I was up a year’s salary in the early days.

Of course gambling addiction isn’t just about money – it’s also about being preoccupied with gambling all the time.

Even when we are with loved ones our minds are on gambling. .Gambling addiction takes us away from our loved ones a lot while we are actually gambling.

If your wife has concerns I can pretty confidently say that she realises that this has become an addiction for you and trust me living with an addict is no fun.

It is a lonely unpredictable life.

All things in moderation is a pretty good motto to live by – the fact that you are setting controls means you cannot trust yourself to control this addiction .

I am six months gamble free and I find myself buying all those things I thought I needed a win for – but better than that my mind is on a pretty even keel – no extreme highs , extreme lows, no constant thoughts of wins and losses – just living a very content life !

Why not test it for a month? See can you stop as easily as you think you can – the wins will still be there in a month‘s time ?

[StayStrong]

Hi -did-it,

I have tried giving it up a couple times now over the last few months and those times have been where my wife and I have fought the most. The times when she was unaware of my gambling were the times when we seemed the happiest. Certainly happier than we are now. I have been telling myself if she just accepts it we can get back to being happy and  can still have fun and make money for us. My goal isn’t too get rich. my hope is that I can have some fun and win a coupe hundred dollars a week to pay for all our day to day items we might need. Yes it is on my mind a lot but it was when i wasn’t gambling either. at least this way i feel i can be happy and win some money vs not gambling and being forever reminded that i have some problem that i cant control

[Dark Energy]

your posts reminds me how strong this addiction is, it remind me why i lost 200K+ and a few years of my life. and why in the last 3 years and after starting my recovery i have relapsed 4 or 5 times. ( knowing all what i know about this addiction ) 

I am really wondering is there a moment that i could have stopped before i hit rock bottom “many times”: as many of us notice this rock bottom is not a fixed place but it is getting deeper each time. is it a mandatory to hit rock bottom before start your recovery process ( I don’t know, and I  hope it is not).

I don’t know if you can stop now, i hope you can. read the other stories in this forum and keep reading to realize that you are not different we all the same, this may discourage you from gambling.

Finally is it really worth it? Please check the below link it may help you, it is worth watching:

*** URL Removed***

[i-did-it]

Staystrong
I hear you .
Maybe ask your wife to list the reasons she wants you to stop gambling – I would be interested to read them.

[velvet]

Hi Stay Strong

If it was possible, for someone who is addicted to gambling, to win some money and be happy, then this site would not exist and all the members on this forum would be happily gambling and leading wonderful lives – sadly that is not the case.

There is no need for anyone to remind you that you have a problem that you cannot control because that would not be true.   It appears from your posts, however, that presently you are losing control and unless you take positive action and accept the very real danger you are in, the harder it will be to stop and retake control.  As was said in an earlier post to you, the addiction to gamble gets worse, never better, once it has a foothold in your life.   

The addiction to gamble isn’t about money which is a concept I think most of us find difficult to accept at the beginning. The addiction is solely about ‘the gamble’ and when you react to that urge to gamble, you are messing with your brain and befuddling your reality. 

Your wife probably did seem happiest when she was unaware but sadly she was always unlikely to remain in ignorance for long.    It seems to me that the fights that you have had with you wife, when you were trying to stop, was your wife becoming aware that your behaviour was already changing as your addiction took hold. 

You are being heard.  Please keep posting and seeking the terrific support that you are being offered.    

Velvet

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