[thoclarke]

Having access to casinos on our phones will surely be something we look back on one day as criminal. I remember the statistic that went something like: a casino being built in a geographic area will statistically raise the suicide rate exponentially.

Now we have them in our pockets. What does that mean for use as a collective.

I have been in the recovery community for substances for a decade. I’ve enjoyed long bouts of sobriety, growth, self awareness, and achievements. But I feel more like a drug addict now than any time before. Online slots; the sounds, the illustrations, the music. I have level 10 spectrum ADHD, and the slots are the most dangerous stimulants around.

It started with the lockdown. 500 here ans there, on weekends. It stung. But it didn’t hurt yet.

At one point, after having lost a lot. I won, a lot. Four or five times I cashed out for 2,4, even 9 months salary. It was a run of enormous endorphin boosts. I cashed out, knew when to hold them, knew when to walk away. Problem is, I always came back. It’s pretty easy to justify a few hundred bucks when you cashed out two weeks ago for 40k. Problem is, I justified so many times, and lost so many times, over the span of a couple months my 40k is 15k. And sure, I spent on other things. Bought presents, enjoyed myself, but I’m miserable because I know what this is; I know I’m an addict. I know where this goes. I know rock bottom is when I stop digging.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I haven’t lost it all. I haven’t lost my house. I have lost my girlfriend. I have some of my winnings left. And I’m fucking petrified. Petrified I will lose everything.

I am a gambling addict. I need help. I need honesty. I want my dignity back. I want it back now.

[Dark Energy]

hi thoclarke
Welcome to the forum, it is really a criminal thing not only the online casinos, but many other similar activities, I got hooked with day trading with leverage ( gambling but with trading cover) for 2 years I didn’t know that I was gambling until it is too late.

in regard to your condition, you have to know that you can’t win in gambling not because you can’t win sometimes but because you can’t stop. this is what the casinos are betting on, if you flip a coin it could come heads 3, 4 times consequently but if you flip it a million times it will come approximately 50\50 if you add the casino edge to it then it is a guaranteed win for the casino and guaranteed loos for the gamblers.

you may start thinking ok I will stop after a big win, and you know you can’t. so why gamble in the first place, this is the rational part that you should understand and admit.
now, most of us know all that and much more about our addiction but we come back and we place the first bet again and the downward spiral starts again, so why is that?

you need to plan how you will fight this addiction, and if the plan failed then improve it. and start over, it is a long road some will pass it from the first time, the others will struggle more “like me”
your plan needs to include:
1: attending meeting GA or SMART.
2: if you can see a specialist then do it
3: you need to limit your access to the money ( this is a Major point)
4: get as much support as you can ( from family, friends …etc) at this stage it is easier than later on, you didn’t lose it all so you don’t have the stigma of someone who loses it all many times.
5: an easy start for online gambling is to close the accounts, install a web blocker, and scratch the 3 digits in the back of your cards so you will not be able to use them ( I hope there is no P2P option on the online casino because this got me back to gambling last time)
6: you should know :
a) you can’t depend on your willpower ( it will let you down sometimes)
b) money is a huge trigger to your gambling thoughts and urges
c) gambling is only the tip of the iceberg you need to dig deeper and fix your life.
d) cutting down, or reducing the amount that you use to gamble is not gonna work with you it didn’t work with anyone I know. so you have to stop at once.
e) build a safety net: if everything went wrong it will protect you from losing everything.

I know it is easier said than done but from experience, the above are a guidelines that can help you to start your recovery.

[Author]

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